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Original poster

End of honeymoon period or worse??

129 replies

Jamill · 22/04/2020 17:17

So I have been with my bf for 8 months with us both coming out of long term relationships due to husband/wife affair.

The relationship has been really good, we get on so well, have a good connection etc and he is a lovely genuine man, I have kids and he doesn't.

Fast forward to coronavirus crisis and he has moved in so we have spent the last 4 weeks together constantly, it's like he doesn't really notice me anymore, never comments on how I look or shows any affection. It makes it sound like I am needy but it's just that it is so different from how it was before. He is really difficult to speak to as he just seems to shut down when talking about things, and I am worried to keep bringing it up as scared will push him away further.

Before this we were just seeing each other at weekends really put planned to move in together once my house sale has gone through.

Does this sound like its just the way it will be now and the honeymoon period is over? It's making me feel rubbish about myself and feel like I am never going to be happy.

OP posts:
TripleTroubleTime · 22/04/2020 17:20

Besides him not being in a familiar home, what else might he be stressed about?

Cut him some slack, the world is on its head. I havent felt myself for weeks. I just want to hide away. Perhaps he is feeling the same.

Ive no idea why people think moving in together, so soon, under such pressurised and stressful circumstances is ever going to be like a love story from the movies.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 17:23

FAR too soon to move in together. Really hope you didn't sell your house just to shack up with him. Do you both have kids?

LovingLola · 22/04/2020 17:25

How old are your children?

Original poster
Jamill · 22/04/2020 17:30

The lockdown situation isn't bothering him as he is quite happy to be in all day.

I appreciate the views that it is too early to move in together but I had to sell my house as part of my break up with ex husband so we decided it would be a good time to move in together.

My kids are 13 and 8 LovingLola.

OP posts:
NoMoreDickheads · 22/04/2020 17:32

Too soon.

LovingLola · 22/04/2020 17:40

I have no clue why you thought it was a good idea to move a man that you have known for 8 months into the home of your 2 children? Did you think of them at all?
Anyway it sounds as if he’s losing interest so maybe he will move out again.
Is he at least paying his share of bills?

Mum4Fergus · 22/04/2020 17:43

Regardless of circumstances I'd say that is far too soon...especially when he has no previous experience of parenting. I can have understand why it may have taken the shine off the relationship for him.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 17:47

FAR too soon. Poor kids, having this Johnny come lately foisted on them because the parents fancy live in shagging arrangements the dating equivalent of 5 minutes after they've had their lives turned upside down with divorce and put their need to have a live-in person before their needs. Sad

thefourgp · 22/04/2020 17:47

You should never be in a relationship with someone if you are scared to discuss your feelings with them.

Original poster
Jamill · 22/04/2020 17:48

He is amazing with the kids so I don't think that has changed things for him, it being too early seems to be the general view but it felt very right at the time the decision was made, I am just hoping once lockdown is over things go back to how they were before. He doesn't make any decisions and I have to decide everything.

Time will tell i suppose

OP posts:
Original poster
Jamill · 22/04/2020 17:51

My kids are fine, their feelings and needs come before anyone else.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 22/04/2020 17:51

He is amazing with the kids

🙄

LovingLola · 22/04/2020 17:52

My kids are fine, their feelings and needs come before anyone else.

Think you’re deluding yourself. If you really thought that then you would not have moved him in.

Laaf80 · 22/04/2020 17:56

You moved him in at 7 months?
Probation in my job is longer than that.

So those children have witnessed parents breaking up, moving house (local or new schools too), new partner and this scary corona virus in the space of 12 months or so?

Most adults would be stressed by all that.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 17:57

Oh, yeah, they're always amazing with the kids and the kids always adore him.

CaptSkippy · 22/04/2020 17:58

OP, I think you are getting a preview of what things will be like in your relationship from now on. Maybe don't buy a house together and find your own place after all this is over.

Original poster
Jamill · 22/04/2020 17:59

I wasn't asking for advice on my parenting skills, my kids are lovely and well balanced, this thread wasn't about them, it was about advice on my bf change in behaviour. I already feel rubbish about things so thanks all.

OP posts:
peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 18:00

He doesn't make any decisions and I have to decide everything.

When people show you who they are, believe them.

Original poster
Jamill · 22/04/2020 18:01

CaptSkippy yes I think you are maybe right so I need to either get used to it or change it i suppose. I suppose nothing is normal at the min so once we are able to fo things again it might be ok.

OP posts:
Wisteriacottage · 22/04/2020 18:02

Of course men put on the charm when they are wooing someone! Moving in turns the magic into the mundane especially if you are washing his socks and picking up after him!

If you want the woo and the charm to last longer, never EVER do a man's laundry or cleaning. That changes everything.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 18:03

There's no change in his behaviour, this is who he is! You just didn't know it because you haven't know him this long. This is a warning, which you probably won't listen to because you want A Man in your life.

peppermintcapsules · 22/04/2020 18:04

You think you should just get used to it? You won't change it, that's for sure, this person is an adult. How sad.

Original poster
Jamill · 22/04/2020 18:06

Peppermintcapsules I don't need a man at all, it isn't about that, I just want it to work with him but if this continues I will have to reassess things because I don't want to have another relationship that makes me think there is something wrong with me.

OP posts:
Healthyandhappy · 22/04/2020 18:08

Ask him if he is wanting kids break the ice and also u will know where your relationship is going and whether your gonna have to have a 3rd baby.

He be stressed and prob a quiet person

Ragwort · 22/04/2020 18:09

I know it’s already been said but what on earth were you thinking when you moved your boyfriend in after only dating for 8 months ... and with two children at home Shock.

Suggest he moves out immediately.

How can you possibly say ‘my children come first’. They’ve seen their father have an affair and now their mother is happily shacking up with someone she barely knows. Poor kids