End of honeymoon period or worse??

[Jamill]

So I have been with my bf for 8 months with us both coming out of long term relationships due to husband/wife affair.

The relationship has been really good, we get on so well, have a good connection etc and he is a lovely genuine man, I have kids and he doesn't.

Fast forward to coronavirus crisis and he has moved in so we have spent the last 4 weeks together constantly, it's like he doesn't really notice me anymore, never comments on how I look or shows any affection. It makes it sound like I am needy but it's just that it is so different from how it was before. He is really difficult to speak to as he just seems to shut down when talking about things, and I am worried to keep bringing it up as scared will push him away further.

Before this we were just seeing each other at weekends really put planned to move in together once my house sale has gone through.

Does this sound like its just the way it will be now and the honeymoon period is over? It's making me feel rubbish about myself and feel like I am never going to be happy.

At least you’re not pregnant.

He has said he would like a child Healthyandhappy and has talked about when we get married etc so i think he sees a future with us. Maybe i am just expecting too much, feeling quite low some days with the current situation. He is working for the next 5 nights so won't see him much, maybe a break will be a good thing.

'gonna have to have a 3rd baby'?

To keep a person? Some people have such low bars a flea could limbo under them.

Not sure why people have to be so rude, they haven't witnessed their father having an affair as they didn't know, my kids are just fine so all the poor kids comments are just not needed.

Yes, it's totally expecting too much to expect an adult to behave like one.

I haven't said I am going to have a third baby and especially not to keep him.

This is not a relationship that is mature.

You are scared to talk to him in case you push him away so you do want a man. Eight months is too soon after the upset the children have been through even if he was a decent man.

OP there is something wrong with you.
Your decision making skills.

Seek counselling, your head needs a wobble.

Sorry your meal ticket is going up in smoke.

I think people are being overly judgemental and that you deserve kindness, not criticism. Also there is no point in telling someone ‘you shouldn’t have done this/that’.
Maybe you did move in too soon but that’s done now. I’m sure lots of us (including me) have done it. It is not clear exactly what is going on because these are highly unusual times. There is a huge range of scenarios from him being depressed due to Coronavirus/lockdown, to him adjusting to you to living together, to him temporarily pulling away and to (worst case scenario) losing interest. I think you need to talk to him. If you can’t talk to your boyfriend or be vulnerable with him it won’t work anyway. I hope it goes well.

Who did he live with before? It really is shocking going from living alone to with someone else's 2 kids however much you get on with them.

Echoing many others above - an 8-month relationship is BARELY long enough to even introduce this guy to your children....it is WAY WAY WAY too soon to move him into your children's home! You're not even sure if he wants a future with you ("i think he sees a future with us").

You really need to put your children first, not a boyfriend of a mere 8 months. You need time and stability as a unit, before you introduce a new person. Please work on your self-esteem, be able to be happy being on your own, it is invaluable.

Thank you Liveforever86 he lived on his own before so maybe you are right although when I talk to him about it he says it doesn't bother him and he is fine, I suppose if things would have just gone to plan it would never have been like this as we would have both been going to work and it kids to school etc,

He is definitely not a meal ticket for whoever said that, I have my own money and don't need anything from him.

Isn't this just normal. Seeing each other at the weekend when you can have the hassle free fun but now you have to talk about the dishes or what's for tea. You lived with your ex before. How was that?

Is he paying his way?

I suppose it is just normal now but I haven't been in a new relationship since I was 17 so just new to me really. Yeah living with my ex was exactly like this but we had been together for a long time, more about me and how i feel about myself probably.

Yes he pays his way I am no better or worse off financially with him being here.

Perhaps it's just not working. Some people are saying too soon, whereas I have done the same thing (kids adults though) and everything is amazing, dreading having to live apart during the week (I'm trying to find work near him but the virus has put pay to the applications). Go with your gut, after 8 months he shouldn't be taking you for granted

So you mo ed him in after about .6.5/ 67 months and expect your kids to share a house with s bloke you barely know never mind them!

so all the poor kids comments are just not needed
They really are!! Seriously.
Just by posting this shows that you are not happy and he doesnt doesn't great. You either carry on with him and let your kids see what low standards to expect or leave him and wait for the next fella to come along.

Meant 6.5/ 7 months!!

There are still times were things are just how they used to be, last week we ended up staying up all night just chatting. Suppose I am just all over the place with everything that is happening and trying to balance work and kids etc, hopefully it will settle down again.

So he’s really great with the kids but not taking any notice of you?

Plus not many couples spend 24:7 together. Your bound to get fed up.

My H works away for months at a time and then is home for a couple of weeks and we are together all day. We just go in different rooms lol x

Well this is why people referred to living together as a trial marriage. You've done this and now you know you don't like living with him. The solution is surely for him to move back to his place and you either stop seeing him or go back to seeing each other on dates after lock down.

If you've been together 8 months and living together for 4 weeks, then you moved him in at 7 months - which is far too soon.

The premise of your thread is a perfect illustration of how it does affect the kids. If the relationship fails and he moves out - then what happens to them and the attachment they'd started to form?

Think very carefully about what happens next, and whether you want your children to see a parade of 'Mummy's boyfriends' moving in and out of their lives and home.

Yeah our life will be massively different once this is all over as he works away a bit and I work all week too so it will never be this intense again i suppose. We still get on really well and never argue but it's just i feel a little less from him.