Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

Kids in Japan go to school by themselves from age 5.

And? I do think we as a country vastly underestimate children's capabilities but ours is the mollycoddling general environment in which these DC have been raised therefore they need to be safeguarded according to the experience and expectations of that society as a whole.

I’m really shocked actually that people leave their children on their own at that age. Do you not worry? Plus without realising it your putting a lot of responsibility on your 8 year old, what if something happened? Your oldest child would feel responsible/guilty. It’s rather selfish.

But it’s done now Op, just learn from it & don’t do it again

Peanut yeah he phoned them to get you in trouble.

However - in reality any protective father would. This is on you - not him this time.

You appear to have no imagination about what the risks are either in your home, or in the park.

Either you or your children could come to harm.

Your home has plug sockets, electric, gas perhaps, knives, water and all sorts that could cause an accident, as well as your children falling or cutting themselves on something.

Just because none of this has not happened yet doesn't mean it won't.

You have to plan for the very worst that could occur- accidents- and being out of the house leaving children that age is quite irresponsible.

Stop blaming him for your choices. You’re the one leaving them alone.

This...

and surely stop letting him see them at your house? He sound like he wants control over you... I would tell him he is no longer welcome in the house and that if he wants to see his kids then you come to an arrangement where he takes the kids out/to his place.

@JinglingHellsBells

* We once almost reported a local family who left their 14 yr old son alone for a week while they went on holiday.*

Almost? Why not? A week? That’s bloody awful

I've got sole responsibility of 3 dc age 13,12 and 5. They don't see anyone else at all at the moment and do t see their fathers. No way would they be left alone. The older two are allowed to go to the shop on there own, or rather they did before lockdown. I used to be left alone in the house at 8. I was terrified but didn't dare let my parent know.

Plus without realising it your putting a lot of responsibility on your 8 year old, what if something happened? Your oldest child would feel responsible/guilty yes hadn't really thought of it like this @mrsblobbyonlockdown

@booboo24 you have just gone the other way from the op.Seriously thats not good either.Theres a happy medium.

When you have kids you have to sacrifice things. I was a single parent and I had to accept I could not go to the gym, for a run or anything I previously enjoyed doing. So many people seem to think they are entitled to carry with their lives without any changes after kids come along. Give up the running until they are back at school. Or get them on bikes cycling whilst you run.

I think people are being overly harsh. I wouldn't leave my kids alone in the house at that age, but have left my 9 year old while I popped to the shop. SS won't make a big deal out of it. You'll probably get one phonecall. Just be honest and listen to what they have to say. Don't get defensive and accept their advice. It'll be fine.

I'm taking this thread with a very large pinch of salt.

But let's pretend it's straight up for a minute. Op, quite apart from leaving the children alone, which obviously isn't in any way acceptable, if you're going for a run in the evenings for your daily exercise presumably this means the children are stuck at home day after day? Don't you think it would be better for all of you to go for a walk together instead? It's not a good thing for young children to be zombies in front of screens.

That is neglect, you can't leave kids that age home alone ever its madness if they were 10 and 12 maybe but you're taking a major risk and making your ex look like a safety factor.

I'm torn op. You seem to have a good setup and you know your kids. My instinct is to say don't do it but 20minutes (if it really is 20) isn't too bad if they know neighbours, have a phone etc.

If it's the same time, every night then I suggest you vary it a little. You never know who's watching.

How is this different from young kids getting to school on their own?

To start with I was going to say, I personally wouldn't leave children that young alone. I have never even left my 11 year old alone even for 10 mins. But you assessed the risk and as you say, you did nothing wrong in the eyes of the law. However I read on and you said you let them go out alone to the park. That's irresponsible in my opinion. As for social services, I would think they will just advise on the leaving them home alone, but I'm not sure they would think letting them out alone is ok.

I was quite happy leaving my son at 11 for a bit but not a 6 or 8 year old. The potential for trouble is enormous.
You know your ex is an arsehole, don't give him a single bit of ammunition, ever or he will try and have the kids off you.
My first husband was the same, used to take photos through the windows trying to prove I was a bad mum. I wasn't.

I would never let me kids out alone or in alone before 12.

There are too many accidents waiting to happen/creeps

What if the 6 year old eats something and started choking? Would your 8 year old really know what to do? Probably not or vice versa

And I am a single parent to my 4 children all under 11 with no support.

@Thighmageddon

* I even had palpitations when I left my extremely sensible 13 year old daughter with her 7 year old brother when I nipped to the shops because children of 7 can be unpredictable and curious.*

So why did you? If you were that worried then your children weren’t ready.

yes hadn't really thought of it like this

With due respect, you have not thought about a lot of things.

What as an example would happen if you child fell downstairs and bled to death from a head wound?

Or had terrible concussion?

Or decided to put the kettle on like Mum does and scalded themselves?

Or decided to use a knife for something and cut an artery?

Just because your children haven't done this when you were in the house does not mean they won't, ever.

Or what if there was an electrical fault and there was a fire and they couldn't get out?

The way to be a responsible parent is to teach your children very gradually over a few years how to deal with things like the above, so that when they are more mature- maybe 10,11 or 12- they can be left for 5 minutes, then 10 mins and so on as a 'test' to see how they cope.

8 and 6 is far too young.

You shouldn't have left them OP, and I'm saying that gently
However, if he was a proper father to them, instead of the feckless fucker he is, then you'd be able to have your run during your child free time.
It's for this reason that my blood boils for you.

@pickles89 we do both. Bike ride all together in day and I run in evening. Yes I know I'm not following the one exercise per day guideline. I'm trying to stay sane and I felt that the benefit outweighed the risk.

Not read the thread but aside from the safety aspects now, where do you go with boundaries when they are 10,12,14?

If they are used to being fully independent now then you gave no chance when they are teens.They’ll be off and up to all sorts.without you being able to do a thing.

I’m a lone parent. I probably wouldn’t have left mine at that age to go for a run although they did play alone in the park from around 8 onwards. It’s practically in my garden though!

I’ve posted something like this before but it’s also our job to raise fully functioning adults. Children don’t reach 18 and suddenly become capable. They need practice. My children are 13 and 11 and have been left alone many times. They have done 10k hikes with Scouts without adults so I don’t think the local park presents much danger. You can be too over protective and I suspect some of the posters on here will raise the sort of 18 year olds that go wild in freshers week because they’ve never had freedom before.

@rayoflightboy why? They both go out with friends, have sleepovers etc and from 16 the 10 year old has sometimes babysat them, i've just never used the older one as a babysitter! The 18 year old is die to start uni in September and the 12 year old is a happy well adjusted girl with lots of friends, but I've never left her alone when she was 6 or 8!