Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

Also ignore the handwringing, I bet half the peole comenting have done similar to pop to the shops or chat to a mate.

100% nope. I take them with me no matter how much they whinge and whine that they don't want to go because I am a responsible parent

My plan is to hear what social services have to say and welcome any support. I'm going to guess that most people responding don't have 100% sole residency of their children with no support?

I am a lone parent with no support - which is why I have said it's a bad idea.
If their other parent or grandparents were on hand I would think less of it as if I had an accident I know they would be there for them.

You have also said your ex phoned SS so you do have some support unlike other people on here, including myself.

YABU far too young. And unreasonable to expect the 8 year old to look after the 6 year old.

I've read the whole thread and the excuses the Op is making to defend her position.

Also ignore the handwringing, I bet half the peole comenting have done similar to pop to the shops or chat to a mate.

I had to reply to this though, no I never did when mine were that young, ever. I even had palpitations when I left my extremely sensible 13 year old daughter with her 7 year old brother when I nipped to the shops because children of 7 can be unpredictable and curious.

Depends where you live. Around here 7 year old cycle to school on the roads unaccompanied. As the primary carer the risk is yours to assess. If you are confident they will stay in front of the TV, not answer the door, can use a phone independently if necessary and can escape from a house fire, then you have covered your basis. If social services contact you perhaps go through your risk assessment, make sure they know you are not neglectful and that you were finding a way of continuing to be a sane lone parent during lockdown. I suspect they have more important things to worry about.

Wow stunned 8 and 6 way too young ex may be shit but I think you need a serious stint on their books if that is acceptable to you.

How is her ex grassing her up to ss and teriffying the life out of her 'support'? I hope you dont support people that way, blimy

Allowing an 8 year old and a 10 year old to go to a nearby
park is ok if they are both responsible , mature and mobile-proficient ..... It partly depends on how far away the park is from your front or back door and if there is a danger from cars etc : when I was 8 / 9 in the 1970s , I could roam freely in the countryside where we lived in a remote part of Scotland . Stranger Danger
was not yet invented and their were no mobile phones and
I always let my parents know where / when I was . There is a growing consensus that the paranoid culture of "stranger danger " is far more dangerous to child development in the West than the one in 100 million chance of murder / abduction / kidnap .

Your children are too young to be left alone even for 20-30 minutes.

There could be a fire, they could play with the cooker, they could fall and have an accident, someone could come to your door and they could gain entry if your children opened it.

And no, I never left mine when they were that young, ever.

We once almost reported a local family who left their 14 yr old son alone for a week while they went on holiday.

Op I never have a go at people usually as I’ve been guilty of bolting into a shop for the odd thing during lockdown whilst the kids stay in the car BUT I would never do this with kids this age. Mine are a year younger and there is no way they’d even stay in the house alone if I went out. They’d wander off to find me!!! So I’m afraid it’s a no from me and if this means you change your behaviour than can only be a good thing.

Sort of thing parents did years ago without even thinking about it, but people reason differently now.

They are too young to be left alone for twenty minutes, yes, chances are they will be absolutely fine, but kids that age panic if things go wrong, they can also do silly things that could end tragically.

In saying that, my son's primary school allows kids of 7 and 8 (P4) to walk home alone, and that is the biggest risk to children - the road.

If you want to nip out, and just getting to the local shop for something in the evening can be really difficult as a single parent, you really need a neighbour you trust to keep an eye on your kids.

Personally I would interpret the guidelines to mean ‘shouldn’t be left alone in a room that you are not in for long periods’, and not ‘shouldn’t be left in a building you are not in for long periods’.

My eldest is 14 and it's only this year i've been leaving her to watch the 10 and 6 year old for a few minutes while I go to the shop. (Lockdown meaning i can't take the 6 year old with me. I wouldn't have left them when then eldest was 8. Maybe you do need the advice and support children's services could provide.

How is her ex grassing her up to ss and teriffying the life out of her 'support'? Agreed @chiochan if my ex was genuinely worried about our children wouldn't he look after them? Instead he refuses to have them at his place, when he comes to ours and I get ready to go for a run he leaps up and leaves before I can get out. I pulled my back really badly at the start of lockdown and asked him to come and get them and he said no and accused me of faking it.

I personally think them going to the park unsupervised is more dangerous than staying at home.
If you had said you left them at home to nip to the corner shop for milk people would be less shocked than you saying you went for a run as it's less risky/selfish.

Just for context, I am trying to give my DD more independency as I am too anxious about her doing things on her own but this comes from my childhood where I was given no boundaries and I was in often unsuitable or potentially dangerous situations.

@blueandsad the thing is now days it not even the danger of kidnap, it's the very real and very common danger of young kids being recruited by gangs for the purpose of transporting drugs. Google county lines. I deal with these kids daily and it's scary how easy it is for gangs to recruit kids ... OPs kids are prime for it.

Yikes that is too young to be left in the house!

I’m relaxed but that’s a bit too much. OP if you argue back with the SS and keep saying you don’t see what the problem is your going to find yourself having to to do a parenting course.

What would you do if your house caught on fire whilst you was out on your run and the kids were trapped inside?

Stop blaming him for your choices. You’re the one leaving them alone.

Fucking hell those poor kids.

I work for the NSPCC.

If you leave an 8 year old in charge of a 6 year old you're obviously safeguarding neither. The advice is discretionary and you have not used very sensible discretion here.

If this is a real thread OP, I don't blame you ex for flagging up this, however it must be said that you and he both have been negligent of your childcare responsibilities. He is as culpable as you here.

You don’t ever leave children of that age alone. Never.

I was upstairs the other day in the bathroom. Dd2 slipped and her foot some how wedged under the kitchen cabinet. When she pulled it out there was a huge flat of skin hanging off, blood every where. She is seven,

This is why I don’t leave them alone. Freak accidents can and do happen.

Your ex sounds vile.
I do t think much will happen. They might talk to you, tell you its not ok.

It really does depend on the area though. People here are overreacting like always. In my area its the same. Kids roam around freely from a small age.
I do t let my kids out on their own yet, because they are a little smaller (5 and 4), but their classmates come over all the time with their older siblings (all under 10) and ask if mine can come out to play or if they can stay over a bit.
I let mine join in on our street where i can see them, but when the others take off to the park or something, then they have to come back home, because i dont feel comfortable with it yet. I dont know how it will be when they are 8 and 6 tbh.. i think i would probably let them go too as its very normal in this area and i wouldnt even have thought twice about it.

My 5 year old also walks to school and home by himself. In fact, driving your kids to school isnt allowed and if you want to bring them, you have to walk them there. We live very close (5min walk) from the school, but DC sometimes doesnt come home for an hour after school finishes. Ive never been worried. They just hang out at the school playground for a bit.

I wouldn't mind doing a parenting course. I had an awful upbringing and have always struggled with knowing how to parent.

I feel for you OP and empathise
Don’t worry. A SS has clarified. Will be fine.

As for going forward - long runs when you have childcare. Short runs when you can take the children to a park, they play, and you do laps for 20 mins. Or they join you!