Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

Ss will likely want to know what you based your assessment on? You said earlier you assessed the risk.

Can the kids unlock and lock the door? Do you trust them with a key? (If there was a fire, they would need to get out therefore need a key, be trusted and safely unlock the door). I ask this as I have a nearly 11 year old who cant unlock and lock our front door, it is a hefty thing though...

What if they were hungry? Had a chat with each and encouraged the other to put chips in the oven? Then burnt themselves?

What are they like with stranger danger? Would they unlock the door? Would they call you?

Do they know how to contact emergency services?

Could their dad watch them whilst you go out? I know you have a history of an abusive relationship but I picked up that he is still seeing the children.

A month ago I risk assessed a situation (quite different to yours) andgot it very wrong. I left my toddler to brush his teeth in the bathroom whilst I put clothes away. A minute or 2 later i returned and the bathroom was flooded, water pissing until the kitchen. I based this on him being used to standing on his step brushing his teeth, never trying to turn the tap on or showing any interest in it, it being a very short time and risk to him being minimal. However, kids can be unpredictable at times so you need to consider that.

I understand that @bessica1970 but children have choked to death in nursery.

Seriously I'm sorry OP but your excuses will really not do you any good talking to SS. Children have died in all manner of terrible ways but it doesn't mean you shouldn't reduce the risk of injury or death in every other situation where possible.

Yours is a totally ridiculous argument - that children choke to death when in company, so you don't see why you should make every possible effort to prevent them doing so alone?!

Can't you take your kids out for a bike ride whilst you run? That's what I've been doing.

SS will be (rightfully) interested in this. The children have been exposed to DV and now they're being left completely unsupervised for "20 minutes" as well as being left unsupervised regularly at a park. An 8 year old can't supervise a 6 year old. SS will also be concerned that the OP is trying to justify leaving young children alone

Peanutbuttermouth

“I understand that @bessica1970 but children have choked to death in nursery.”

That’s alright then! Children in nursery can choke to death in the presence of first-aid trained adults, so it’s ok to leave them alone?

I give up 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am a social worker. You will be told not to do it because you should not do it. It’s highly unlikely you’ll have any intervention or support offered. If harm did happen, you may well be prosecuted for neglect. Why take that risk? Also been a single parent with zero support. It’s hard and draining. You have to get creative with ideas that don’t involve leaving children of that age on their own.

the very extreme controlled childhood I had which I am trying to do the opposite of - allow my children a little freedom, with steps taken to keep them safe (phone and gps watch).

And what if they got mugged for their phones and GPS watches?

6 and 8 year olds are easy targets I'm afraid.

I doubt social services will do anything, you may never even hear from them. If they do get in touch just tell them what you have told us and you'll be fine. Do you know the neighbours, if so maybe add that in if they ever do get in touch.
Your ex is trying to make you feel fear, its how pathetic men exercise power.

OP I would draw a line here and up your boundaries, and tell that to SS if and when they do get in touch.

Can you take them to the park with a football for 20 minutes whilst you run round the park? I know it's not quite the break a proper run is, but you really are over-relying on two young children being sensible if something bad happens.

I'd be more worried about something happening to me when I was running than what they could achieve in 20 minutes. Last year I went from mid-run into an ambulance due to a freak accident and didn't come back for 7 hours once I'd gone through A&E.

I'm super lax in my parenting but I wouldn't leave them home alone for 20mins.

OP, you need to take on board what people have said. You should not leave your DCs while you go for a run and they certainly shouldn't be going to the park on their own.

I hope you are able to convince SS that you will not be so irresponsible in future.

I really cannot understand why you thought it was ok.

I don't leave my (just) 10 year olds at home alone or with their 12 year old sibling in charge of them. They don't even go to the park on their own yet so 8 and 6 most definately not and certainly not to the park on their own either

Your kids go to the park on their own? 8 and 6 is too young for this. I have read the NSPCC guidelines and you are right in whatever they say but imo your children are too young to be left home alone. I think your Ex sounds completely awful and you are well shot of him but....I can see why he called social services OP.
Tell them you understand why want you did was wrong and that it won't happen again

Also ignore the handwringing, I bet half the peole comenting have done similar to pop to the shops or chat to a mate.

8 and 6 is far too young to be left without a responsible adult..Accidents can happen in the flicker of an eye...and if something was to happen {fire break out, one of them choking, falling or whatever, they are too young to be able to get help.

Things like running has to be put on back burner until they can be safely supervised.

My plan is to hear what social services have to say and welcome any support.

I think this is a good plan.

I'd be more worried about something happening to me when I was running than what they could achieve in 20 minutes. Last year I went from mid-run into an ambulance due to a freak accident and didn't come back for 7 hours once I'd gone through A&E.

This is also a really good point.

Single parent here with 7 yr old 24/7. Would not leave her alone for 20 minutes to go for a run, nor would I let her go to the park in her own. So I don't buy the single parent excuse. It's hard being alone in lockdown with kids but you have to find another way to get some alone time.

I'm another one who has never left mine unattended, it wasn't until my eldest was 16 that I let her occasionally look after my 10 year old for a few hours whilst I was at work, but my mum lives around the corner (small village) and I work a 10 minute drive away, I never relaxed though and was on the phone every half an hour to make sure they were ok!

My 18 year old has only just started staying at home overnight alone if I'm away! I've never left the younger one with her overnight and wouldn't now, even though her sister is now an adult. I'm just a worrier though so possibly over protective, but I do think you should take on board the responses of us on here and perhaps rethink your stance on this.

I'd be more worried about something happening to me when I was running than what they could achieve in 20 minutes

I agree with this.

Could you take them to a park and run around the perimeter whilst they play football? Just so you are still being able to run but are able to keep an eye on them too.

Hi I used to work in child protection which is now safeguarding. It is not acceptable to leave an 8 and 6 year old alone.

I understand as a single parent it is hard but it does not justify leaving them.

I am not up to date on current policies btw but feel you will have to put your runs on hold for now.

It would be interesting to hear opinions on this thread in the suburbs of Birmingham in the late 50s early 60s when I was 6-8 years old. My brother and I went to school over a mile away on our own every day with no supervision at all.

Jesus they will be running county lines in to time. Exact perfect circumstances for older kid pretending to befriend them on park then ask them to make little local deliveries in exchange for sweets. You would have no idea until it was too late and they're suddenly 10 years old involved in more serious crimes with debts to criminals. Seriously OP, see the bigger picture when you allow such young kids to go to the park alone.

@Schuyler good to hear from a social worker, thank you. What will the process be? Will someone phone and talk to me? Or come to the house to check on how I'm looking after my children? Will there be any follow up?
How are the nspcc guidelines meant to be interpreted if not how I'm interpreting them? It goes from babies and toddlers should never be left alone to under 12s shouldn't be left for long periods. There's nothing specifically about the middle ages or what a long period is. It's very subjective. I thought I was interpreting it correctly.