Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

I defo think that your children are
Two young to be left. However social services will have bigger problems to deal with if they visit you need to state how you had talked to them about safety, how they could have contacted you if needed and then and you really need to mean this that you won't leave them again hinting they are secondary school age.

I

Definitely unacceptable. If this is even real your ex did the right thing reporting you. I'm shocked that someone would do this. Got no one to mind the kids so you can go for a run? Then you do without your run.

Why do parents use examples of how other people parent or what they did as a child?

They are small children and simply shouldn't be left Alone and the OP knows that because she wouldn't be worried about SS if it was ok.

You cant be overprotective but they are your children, your world and to say well Jill down the road let's her dc out won't be enough to deal with the pain if something happen.

I have never even left my 11 year old alone even for 10 mins.

That is insane.

@Ulver I’m sure using a neighbour is fine. Do you really only use registered childminders to babysit?

*once lockdown is over.

The several posters who've said they would never leave their 10/11 year olds alone/let them out alone are really not doing their kids any favours at all. It's actually pretty worrying what's being done to kids in the name of 'safety' these days.

I do think it depends on the area, 6 is probably a bit too young if only just 6 but if nearly 7 and nearly 9 then not so bad. I grew up (and still live) in a very small village, everyone knows everyone, we all know who's kids belong to who. The kids (some probably 6ish) play football from breakfast until dark in the summer with very minimal supervision, I would do what you plan to and get friendly with the neighbours, we all pop on errands out of the village and the kids know which adults are in if they need one. Try not to worry OP it must be hard being on your own all the time with no time to yourself

What would the children do if there was an accident / emergency like a fire?

Would they know what to do / how to react?

Do they have keys to open the door? Do they have a way of contacting you if something goes wrong?

What would they do if someone knocked on the door?

🤔🤔🤔🤔

Far too young to be left alone especially in charge of a 6 year old.

Your ex may have been in the wrong previously but he was in the right here.

More understandable if you needed calpol or medicine etc but so you can go for a run? No way!

I have a nearly 8 year old and a 5 year old so similar age. I would not dream of leaving them alone. I think you're ex has a point.

Honestly OP you don't sound like you have even a vague idea of what responsible parenting is. If I knew you, I'd report you too. No way should they be alone ANYWHERE at that age.

I once asked a similar question on line and got the same sort of response OP is getting.
Social Services did not show up (despite my frantic Internet inspired attempts to "show I could engage")
I wouldn't worry about it OP.
Worst case scenario SS turn up and offer you "advice".

What would the children do if there was an accident / emergency like a fire?

Mine would go to a neighbour, who we're very friendly with. She could ring any door in our row of eight and they'd know her name.

Would they know what to do / how to react?

In what situation? Fire, yes, 999. Door going? Don't open it. Mum doesn't come home? Phone Mum. No answer? Phone granny or go to neighbour.

Do they have keys to open the door? Do they have a way of contacting you if something goes wrong?

My door opens with a turn of the inbuilt lock, you don't need key. And yes they have a phone and an ipad.

What would they do if someone knocked on the door?

They wouldn't answer it.

Mine has been doing this since she was eight with no issues at all. Sometimes she just wants to stay in the house while I go get the shopping or collect a chippy or whatever. I really don't see the harm in it. She walks to the shops herself, walks to school herself, and has been playing over at the park with older kids since she was six.

I think it's an important part of growing up.

Especially if you are a single parent.

Do you know what scares me? That something happens to me and my child wouldn't have a clue how to react because they've never had to think about such things before. If, god forbid, I fell down the stairs and broke my neck I'm pretty confident my kid would know what to do. My oldest would know how to briefly look after her sister until help arrived. She'd be confident enough to chap a neighbours door. She'd know how to phone 999, or my mum for help.

This is seriously important stuff. You have to give kids some responsibility, that's how they learn.

And it's even more important for single parents with CV going around.

Can you imagine all these children who aren't even left alone for ten minutes while their mother takes a shower? How would they deal with Mum getting seriously ill? It's fucking frightening to put it mildly.

A previous poster called it "low-level neglect"... I'd call the opposite low level neglect tbh. All these twelve year olds growing up with not a fucking clue how to behave without an adult around because they've never been able to experience it.

@Sophism1 Firstly, not every child is the same. I wasn’t asking about your child.

Secondly, although I agree with a child learning to take responsibility, it is totally irresponsible to leave a 6 and 8 year old on their own for no valid reason. That’s too young. They can be taught at that age in different ways.

@Sophism1 and we weren’t talking about 12 year olds, were we?

@Howfar12 other people on this thread have said they wouldn't leave 10/11/12 year olds etc. That terrifies me.

And I agree it's about the maturity of the child and not all of them are the same.

I have a nephew the same age as my daughter and no way would I leave him by himself. He's very much in his own little world and away with the fairies half the time.

But that's exactly why I think the blanket responses the op is getting are a bit ridiculous. Nobody knows the ops kids and quite often you'll find the children of single parents are more "mature" than those of two parent families -- for precisely the reasons I've mentioned below.

Because they really need to be.

Following as exactly this same thing has happened to me this week too! Beside myself and can't stop crying at this continued abuse through official channels.

**don't see how it is any different to kids playing out at the park on their own and mine do that to

Wow you let a 6 year old go to the park with adult supervision

@Howfar12 several posters have said they wouldn't leave their 10/11 year olds EVER. So yes, I think addressing the poor parenting in that regard is fair. It seems highly unlikely that those children will be confident and capable of dealin with problems if they're not left alone in the house for even five minutes. presumably they don't walk to school on their own either.

Without

I've been avoiding this thread this evening but I have to agree with the points that @sophism1 made. Kids of single parents have to grow up quicker, because I cannot do the job that 2 parents can.

My kids know exactly what to do in an emergency because we've talked about it over and over, especially in the last 3 weeks. If I were to get cv and my ex refuses to take them how would we deal with it? These are the conversations we have over dinner. They know all our neighbours on the street, they would feel confident to knock on any of their doors and ask for help, I am friendly with them all and know they'd take the kids in and help them. My kids know how to use a phone, call their dad or nan, call 999, ask for police/ambulance/fire - we have roleplayed this many times and they've once had to do it for real. They know how to open the door from inside and leave the house, they know where the spare key is, they know how to open the door from outside. Honestly there really isn't much they don't know how to do. I don't have a choice in that respect. There is only me and they absolutely have to know what to do in an emergency.

Also I'm not in the middle of a custody battle. Their dad doesn't want to see them and certainly isn't concerned for their safety. If he was, wouldn't he have gone to mine the day he bumped into me running to make sure they were ok on their own? He didn't, he went home, stored the info as ammunition and used it as revenge when I tried to draw some boundaries. He sees them for maybe an hour once a fortnight and he insists that it's at mine. We've been divorced 2.5 years and it's always been like this. I did the freedom programme just before lockdown and realised I was still being abused from afar and tried to take back some control. It's now backfired on me.

I foolishly responded to the opening title before reading the thread... sweet Jesus, I would never leave kids that young home alone.. pay a babysitter for an hour so you can have a run woman!

I haven't actually done anything to warrant my own ex behaviour with contacting SS. He lost the court case he brought regarding child access due to his abusive behaviour and has consistently tried to find ways to punish me as a result by cooking up ever new ways to make my life hellish.

I'll read posts before replying in future!

No, people don't leave young children. Most people don't need to ask or be told this.

I commented up thread. I'm a single
Mum of three with 100% care and would not leave them alone at the ages mentioned.

But a little story to help you. I had been leaving my 12 year old home on occasion for short periods and one day needed to go to Kmart and knew I'd be gone for a few hours. My oldest and youngest came to Kmart with me.

He knew full well not to open the door, which neighbour to run to if needed, has a phone to ring me, not to leave the house unless on fire etc. Also after many kids around the neighbourhood had joked about pedophiles always using white vans to kidnap kids (not true obviously) he was aware and responsible I thought.

I'm the middle of Kmart he rings me. I hear a mans voice in the background. I freaked out! Turns out a white van with signwriting has pulled up in the driveway, the guy knocked on the door and my son, thinking I'd want him to open the door so I didn't miss a parcel, was talking to this stranger!!

That's how easy it is!!!

Luckily it was just a parcel delivery. My son knew 100% what the rules were! It was standard when I left him to always say "don't open the door".

But his not fully developed brain put aside every bit of safety I'd told him about so Mum didn't miss her parcel.

While you will probably get away with leaving them all the time and come home to find them safe, it's just not worth the risk. It will only take that one time to completely change your lives.

I know it's hard to be alone but you have to work other ways around it.