Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

It sounds like your upbringing and the neighbourhood you live in is something that isn’t being fully understood by most pps.

There are areas of the U.K. where this kind of low level neglect is typical parenting.

Op seems to have the right attitude in being willing to go on a parenting course.

I wouldn’t leave my children at the park on their own either. Mine are 8 & 10.

theres a thread about this on reddit already!

@Sennetti a thread about this thread?

Putting the rights or wrongs about this aside for a moment, what this means will happen, as your ex is obviously lurking around and watching you, is that if you do it again or you allow your children to go to the park alone, he will come and take them, saying it's for their own safety.

Which is not a situation I think you ever want to be in.

That's lovely of your neighbour OP
If SS call, just be honest with them and explain how you made an assessment based on the NSPCC guidelines as you understood them.

OP if I had an ex leaving my kids that age alone in the house I too would have big issue with it.

Its good you posted though because it seems you didn’t realise most would find this unacceptable , and you’ve managed to get some support from your neighbour.

what will your children do for 20 minutes on their own in the front garden?

How did you discuss all of this with a neighbour during lockdown?

(presumably over the garden fence?)

I'm glad you found someone to watch them, OP.
Try not to worry about SS- they are not all monsters just waiting to snatch your kids, no matter what people may say. Explain you made an error in judgement and that now you realise it was wrong and have arrangements in place for them. Good luck.

OP I'm Autistic and I can't always decide what is right and wrong. But I've never left my kids alone.

If I suggested it they would both chase after me to come they would not stay home alone.

Mine are 8 and 10.

Aren't yours scared to be alone?

leflic I'd sort of thought of this in the opposite way. If they are used to having some responsibility and being trusted then what would they have to rebel against as teens? I'm interested in the other side of this though

The drug dealer isn’t going to approach a 6 and 8 year old in a park. At 12 they might. However it’s going to be really hard if you suspect this, to stop them going there, what can you say? “no, you can’t go to the park”? They’ll have been going on their own for years.
Whereas 12 year old who still thinks going out alone is “special” will be naturally a bit more cautious because they are old enough appreciate the risks and that their mum will take away the privilege if they muck up.

It won’t be the park in a few years, it’ll be “ out with their mates” and you’ll have no idea where they are. It’s very hard to backtrack once they are used to a level of freedom and you’ll have over confident teens. At 14/15 you won’t be able to physically stop them going anywhere,

Op social services have more important things to worry about to be honest. I think they will call you asking about the claim. Explain the truth but you have since made an arrangement with a suitable neighbour you know for anytime you do need to go for a run. Explain you won't be leaving them again because you realise that anything could happen whilst out on the run and you need to ensure the children are safe at all times.

They will close the case and that's it unless you have had multiple referrals previously in this instance they may open a case.

yeah...about this thread @Peanutbuttermouth

On reflection as nice as it is for your Neighbour to offer to help, it may not serve you well in a custody battle as really anyone you leave them with should be a registered child minder and technically you will be breaking lockdown. Not what you want to hear I know but this is the kind of stuff that will make a difference in a custody case. Employ a registered child minder and give yourself more than 20 mins break.

Bloody hell.

And what would you do if you returned home to find someone had been watching you do this, learned your schedule and broken in and taken your kids.

This is a worst case scenario but just think about the Madeline McCann story!!

Makes me feel sick at leaving my son alone at that age! I wouldn’t be able to relax!

My two are 6 and 8 and I hate even going in the shower and leaving them downstairs by themselves.

That's more worrying than what the OP did, frankly. As a pp said, you really need to get some help for that level of anxiety. It's not good for you or your children.

@Ulver, you're being silly. Have you never heard of babysitters? Of course the neighbour can oversee OP's children playing in their front garden for 20 minutes!

saraclara

@Ulver, you're being silly. Have you never heard of babysitters? Of course the neighbour can oversee OP's children playing in their front garden for 20 minutes!

The OP is in the middle of a custody battle and has been reported to social services already.
If she wants to make a good impression in court and keep custody her children she should use a registered child minder who has a dbs check. Otherwise her ex can cast aspersions on her circumstances.

Where has OP said she's in the middle
of a custody battle??

noyoucannotcomein

Where has OP said she's in the middle
of a custody battle??

Her ex has reported her to social services. He’s not doing that if he is not looking for custody.

Really? She's already said he barely sees them.

She should never have left the kids. But he knows it won't come down to her losing custody. He's either messing with her, or genuinely concerned. But I very much doubt that if it came to it, he'd step up.

Is there anyway you could buy a treadmill so that you could have a run at home and children are safeX

Really? For 20 mins? Does nobody else ever leave their children in the house? Nope!
I'm going to guess that most people responding don't have 100% sole residency of their children with no support? not any more but I did do for a long time (eldest child was conceived by rape) and I never left him on his own.

Great that your neighbour will help but long term could they ride bikes or run with you?

I work in a primary school and I would have to report this as a safeguarding issue.

I'm not advocating what the OP did at all but I do think that environment comes into it and what we see as normal.

I was the only kid on my street who wasn't allowed to go to the park on my own when I was about 8. I was also one of the oldest in the group! This was in the 90's.

I still live near the same area and regularly see young, primary school aged children alone in parks. They're often with even younger siblings.

I don't think it was a sensible thing to do. But I know it was and still is seen as 'ok' by many in the area I grew up in.