Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

Another point of view. When I was 9 my dm left me in charge of my brother who was 8 at the time. She was just going to the next street to drop something to my dn. my brother slipped down the stairs and I knew I should of rang the ambulance but I panicked. And just cried. Thankfully my mum was back in 5 minutes and my dB was fine but a sore head. But I still feel guilty about it now nearly 20 years later. You are putting a lot of responsibility on your older child

I wouldn't leave my DCs who are around this age BUT a lot of schools allow lone walking/with siblings from year 5 (including my DD school) and a few from Y4 i.e. 8.
In our old house lots of DCs 8 and up played in the (entirely traffic free) cul de sac and some in the park (with same age friends, not younger siblings).
This feels different to the parent going out, to me - if the child doesn't reach school, everyone goes on alert. If the parent doesn't arrive home, the child won't know when to worry or what to do.
If an 8 year old is sensible enough to walk to school, they are sensible enough to go to the park and come back, and come and get help if their friend gets hurt.
The risk of being "taken" is not large enough to take precedence over the risks of traffic, falling off playground equipment, and grooming by vaguely known adults and that's what children need to be aware of.

I feel for you, you seem to be finding this difficult as any single parent would in these circumstances, its tough going, never mind having an ex abusing you infront of kids (Thats an issue in its self) . Is the father nit having any access to give you a break? Unless theres other factors i dont think you will get tore apart by SS just spoken to. Take on the opinions here and learn from it, you should not repeat that one as its just not safe x

They are 8 and 6 they shouldn’t be left alone it’s dangerous, he did the right thing, anything could of happen

Except literally no one where I lives does any of what you're describing

I've seen kids no more than age 6 walking to school by themselves where I am. Quite a big busy estate.

My ds is in year 5 (age 10) and none of his year are allowed out on their own by parents. My ds walks to the shop on his own but doesn't go to the park as none of his friends are allowed out (some of his friends are year 6 and still not allowed).

1forsorrow It's not OK or normal or appropriate for little girls aged 6 or 7 to routinely deal with flashers alone.

I feel for you too but you’re an adult with responsibilities.

You’ve been leaving the house alone for a ‘20’ minute run every night. I’m assuming you’re not taking ID or telling anyone that you’ve gone for a run and left your children.
Had something happened to you, your kids could’ve been left for days alone.

8 year olds are not mature enough to assess risk. Neither are 6 year olds.

You’ve been selfish. You’ve put your own selfish wants above the safety of 2 children who cannot be responsible for themselves.

The saddest thing is that a few pages in you’re still in complete denial about how wrong it is.

Being a single parent is not an excuse to drop your parental responsibilities and leaving your children unattended whilst you go for a run.

You ask for help, always.

Stop trying to justify it. It’s disgusting. Keep your children safe before you lose them, your worry isn’t SS, but something far more bleak if you continue behaving irresponsibly.

Inthepurplerain

Well said.
Some of the comments on here justifying child neglect from people working in child protection are extremely disturbing

@1forsorrow that sort of nonchalant attitude to flashers is how predators get away with things. Pedophiles and rapists don't just go from zero to an attack. They work up to it with acts like flashing so yes he should have been reported and locked up.

Op when mine small and dh worked long hours I found fitness blender in you tube was good would put them in front of tv for an hour and do that in another room

I've livedin a number of completely different regions in the UK and have never seen a 6 year old walking to or from school. None of the schools here would ever consider allowing a 6 year old to leave alone and would contact social services if they arrived alone. A 6 year old isn't mature enough to know how to respond to an emergency.

After reading 13 pages of nearly unanimous comments I had a meltdown to my next door neighbour and she said whenever I want to run she'll sit in her front garden and to put my kids in our front garden and she'd watch them. So, thanks to all who posted, especially the more compassionate posters

I've seen kids no more than age 6 walking to school by themselves where I am. Quite a big busy estate.

Where I live people would probably call the police if they saw such a young child out on their own.

My two are 6 and 8 and I hate even going in the shower and leaving them downstairs by themselves. If it was my ex who was doing that I would definitely be ringing social.

Peanutbuttermouth

After reading 13 pages of nearly unanimous comments I had a meltdown to my next door neighbour and she said whenever I want to run she'll sit in her front garden and to put my kids in our front garden and she'd watch them. So, thanks to all who posted, especially the more compassionate posters smile

Good, hopefully you will build some good relationships with your community through this experience.
Don’t take your neighbour for granted and compensate them financially or otherwise.
And make sure your children are safe with them.

It's not OK or normal or appropriate for little girls aged 6 or 7 to routinely deal with flashers alone. I didn't say it was, but it was what happened.

@Peanutbuttermouth

Great solution! I can definitely understand your desire to have 20 minutes on a run alone.

I'm in London, and our school would report a 6 year old making their own way to school.
They wouldn't release the child to walk home alone, either.

@Ulver

Also the same ones who ended up in the back of older folks cars in exchange for alcohol

So it’s ok for girls to be exploited if the are middle class?

When did I say that was okay I genuinely cannot understand how you would jump to that conclusion.

My point was that ime the ones who weren't kept on a tight leash and had been given more freedom were generally far more "street-wise" than the ones who were only ever ferried around by parents.

I don't think people are doing their child any favours by never letting them out of their sight, at all, until they're what, 12? 14? 16?

It was the posters acting all shocked that 8 year olds are allowed to go to local parks themselves I was taking issue with. I'm far more worried about her being in a car crash going to the local supermarket than I am about all these pedophiles hiding in bushes that are apparently everywhere these days.

@thedancingbear

There was one memorable occasion where a posse of kids was rounded up, who proceeded to break the offender's front windows and rip up his front garden.

The only flaw was that he was not a paedophile - he was German, which isn't the same thing. But you have to admire their spirit

I'm not sure this made the point you meant it to.

A group of children with no adults present committed criminal damage against and scared the shit out of an innocent bloke.

Probably leaving him pretty shaken up with a bill for the damage, wasted police time and the kids involved potentially landed with with cautions / arrests that made their life harder.

Admire the spirit though eh?

My two are 6 and 8 and I hate even going in the shower and leaving them downstairs by themselves.

Please see a doctor for your anxiety. That's no way to live.

I'm in Ireland. In summer, all the kids on the estate play out together. I was nervous the first time my (then 5 and 9 year olds) played out with the other kids - even though that's exactly what we all did when I was a kid of that age.

If I had to (and I understand having to as a single mother in lockdown), my kids would be absolutely fine in the house together for 20 minutes, and I wouldn't feel bad about it at all.

I've left them in the car, or reception for probably getting on for that long while I spoke to their teachers at school. If they know how to call you, hell, if they could probably stick their head out the front door and yell and you would hear them, if they could knock on the neighbours door and get help, I can't find it to be the problem so many here do.

Glad you have found a solution op. Nurture your relationship with the neighbour.

I'm not sure this made the point you meant it to.

I was trying to make the point that vigilantism - kids chipping off at random strangers, ringing home to get their dad and big brother round because there's a paedo in the top field - led to shit like this (which really happened btw), and is a bad idea. Clearly it didn't come out quite right - sorry.