Ex has reported me to social services

[Peanutbuttermouth]

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

No one lets their 6 & 8 year olds go to the park at the end of the street together? Jeez the world’s gone mad. I work in child protection and I really cannot see an issue with this at all - they are together, they are near home. Yeah, ok, there’s a risk they could be snatched by a paedophile but I’d suggest it’s significantly lower than the risk of a serious car accident driving them to extracurricular activities. And I’d argue the benefits greatly outweigh the risks, kids need to have some independence and responsibility at an appropriate level!!!

I wouldn’t leave them at home at those ages tho I have to say.

Yeah I do wonder how much of these answers (and outrage) are due to regional differences.

A park full of primary school kids (P1+, so 5 and up) would be nothing to bat an eyelid at here. Except for the fact of lockdown, of course.

They all look out for each other.

I am passionate that this is the way it should be.

At high school you could spot a middle class kid a mile away because they were the most un-street-wise people around. So used to mummy and daddy chauffeuring them around. They were the same ones who always ended up getting sick-drunk at parties and "rebelling" too. Also the same ones who ended up in the back of older folks cars in exchange for alcohol.

I am pretty confident if a pedophile tried to approach the park around here there would be someone ramming a bike into their ankles, someone recording it on their phones, someone telling them to fuck off, someone running home to get their dad etc. Children are really quite resourceful if you only let them be.

...at an appropriate level!. Sure, but this is not an appropriate level.

You work in child protection, do you?

@Thisismytimetoshine well my auntie is a social worker and has never told me off for letting my kids out to play at 6 or letting them to the shop at 8 😂 only on Mumsnet is this not a thing.

We live not too far from you @bloodywhitecat. It’s never felt the same since, I agree. I remember what happened really shaking up adult’s perceptions.

Only on Mumsnet. You do realise Mumsnet is made up of real life people from all over the country (and overseas)?
There's no such place as MumsnetLand. People who think otherwise usually have a very limited outlook, I think.

@Sophism1

Except literally no one where I lives does any of what you're describing. Nor anyone in any of the three other places I've lived (nowhere near my current location). I assume not all my nieghbours and acquaintences and other school parents are on Mumsnet so maybe your tiny corner of the world is the place that isn't normal.

Thisismytimetoshine

...at an appropriate level!. Sure, but this is not an appropriate level.
You work in child protection, do you?

I agree.
My daughter being left at home alone at 6 by her father was instrumental in me withdrawing parental contact.

I am pretty confident if a pedophile tried to approach the park around here there would be someone ramming a bike into their ankles, someone recording it on their phones, someone telling them to fuck off, someone running home to get their dad etc. Children are really quite resourceful if you only let them be. Reminded me of my childhood, I used to go to the park alone at 6 or 7, there was a man who would hang around the park, he was clearly mentally a young child. He would regularly flash at little girls, "We would just say X put it away, no one's interested." and he would. I suppose now he would be locked up and the little girls kept in.

Also the same ones who ended up in the back of older folks cars in exchange for alcohol

So it’s ok for girls to be exploited if the are middle class?
There are some fucked op comments on this thread

Going for a run seems such an unnecessary and selfish reason to take such a risk with your children. Why not have them with you on their bikes? And there are a million and one free workouts you can do online. That's what the rest of us are doing during lockdown, what makes you so special? It's unbelievable that you think this is acceptable, it's neglect, and it makes me wonder how old your kids were when you started leaving them.

@bloodywhitecat that was a huge tragedy and I can completely understand your community’s reaction. However the whole world cannot live their lives expecting that type of rare event to happen or we’d all go mad. It’s extremely unlikely and there are many proven benefits to allowing children to have independence and play outside.

Whybirdwhy

No one lets their 6 & 8 year olds go to the park at the end of the street together? Jeez the world’s gone mad. I work in child protection and I really cannot see an issue with this at all - they are together, they are near home

Yes I know social workers with similar attitudes to this which is why I have a generally poor opinion of them

I let mine out to the shops at eight and came in for a lot of criticism but I thought it was time and it was. He didn't go to the park on his own until later, with friends. Once past ten would ride bike down to the ponds/woods with friend. I certainly would never have allowed playing in the street but - nobody did so thankfully the situation didn't arise.

My view is the op was wrong to leave a six and eight year old on their own in the house - ten and eight for a short while maybe. However it's done and her ex is making too much of it. I doubt she'll do it again in a hurry and hopefully social services will be friendly and helpful.

I did wonder though, if the children have bikes could they not have gone out with her while she was running? They need exercise and fresh air too.

My children are the same ages as yours OP and there is no way I would leave them at home alone for any reason. I certainly wouldn’t allow them to go to the park alone either. I have been in the park with them when a man tried to strike up a conversation with my youngest. Luckily I was sat on a bench and realised what was happening. He may have been innocent - but he may not have been. Luckily I was there to protect my child

Sophism1

@Thisismytimetoshine well my auntie is a social worker and has never told me off for letting my kids out to play at 6 or letting them to the shop at 8

Wtf?

There is a world of difference in allowing children this age out to play - if there is an adult in the vicinity watching them, such as a grandparent or trusted neighbour- BUT a 6 yr old should never be left unsupervised imo. Ffs

I am pretty confident if a pedophile tried to approach the park around here there would be someone ramming a bike into their ankles, someone recording it on their phones, someone telling them to fuck off, someone running home to get their dad etc. Children are really quite resourceful if you only let them be.

Heh. This reminds me of the estate I grew up on. An (attempted) paedophile would have stood no chance. Even the tiny ones were too streetwise and, frankly, violent, for something like this to happen.

There was one memorable occasion where a posse of kids was rounded up, who proceeded to break the offender's front windows and rip up his front garden. The only flaw was that he was not a paedophile - he was German, which isn't the same thing. But you have to admire their spirit

What steps did you put in place op to make sure kiddies were safe? What sort of area do you live in? Is it built up? Countryside? There's no lower limit to what age children can be left, it's based on the individual child and common sense. 6 and 8 do seem a bit young though tbh, although I did leave my child at age 8 for short periods of time, although not in charge of a 6 year old. How far away were you from the furthest point? Ie how quickly could you have got back home at the furthest point?

Jesus, dancingbear, how fucking grim

I personally would never do this and dont know anyone who would and I think you will be advised not to by social services. Children are unpredictable and can do silly things. My husband is about 19 months older than one of his brothers and they spent alot of time playing out at similar ages maybe even a little bit younger and my husband was told to look after his brother but he was obviously too young to do this and his brother was hit by a car he just froze in the rode and he got knocked over. He is fine now but obviously a horrible situation for both brothers at the time.

Never ever leave kids alone. Look at maddie McCann april jones etc. Whether they are in house is irrelevant I wont even leave my 10 yr old y5 child alone no way.

I was left quite a lot as a child at that age but I was a responsible only child. If I had an 8 year old that was extremely responsible I would leave them in an emergency (not to go for a run, I’d encourage them to cycle along with me) but
Leaving then in charge of a younger child is a total No no IMO.
Your ex is still a twat though.

@ShouldWeChangeTheBulb I do realise that. I wasn't suggesting that anyone should keep their children under lock and key, far from it, mine continued to play out just as they had always done. But a 'safe community' is misnomer, any community can become 'unsafe', Sarah Payne, Alesha MacPhail, Holly and Jess, were all in 'safe' communities. The biggest risk in communities like ours comes from parents thinking their kids are safe and from the threat of County Lines.

I wouldn't leave them at those ages. Well, maybe the 8 year old for 20 minutes, but 6 is far too young, and the 8 year old is far too young to have the responsibility- so in reality you are leaving your 6 y/o unattended.
Off to read the rest of the thread now, so sorry if it's moved on since P2.