Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex has reported me to social services

544 replies

Peanutbuttermouth · 20/04/2020 14:23

Just after some advice as I don't have any experience of this.
My ex is abusive. I did the freedom programme and was slowly trying to put boundaries in around him seeing our kids (contact not in my house etc). He was outraged at these new boundaries.

Our dc are 8 and 6. They're ace. He very rarely sees them. When he does come round he calls me a prostitute etc in front of them.

During lockdown I have been putting a movie on for them in the evening and going for a 20 min run. I was running the other evening and bumped into my ex. So of course he then knew I was leaving our children in the house and has emailed social services copying me in. I've just called them and asked what will happen and they said someone will be in touch to investigate the claim. It is true that I left them to go for a run and I don't plan on denying it.

Any advice or experience would be really appreciated.

OP posts:
bluebeck · 20/04/2020 17:25

Really? For 20 mins? Does nobody else ever leave their children in the house?

Absolutely not, no. Not until they were 11/12.

Lausch95 · 20/04/2020 17:25

I don't blame him for reporting you. Kids that young should not be left alone at home.

cherrybunx0 · 20/04/2020 17:36

@SimonJT hard to get on your high horse though if you rarely bother to see your children and be apart of there upbringing.

not suggesting the OP shouldnt be made aware that this isn't an appropriate age to leave kids but from the ex's point of view it's clear it's not because he is particularly bothered about his children more to get one over on the OP who he also refers to as a prostitute and was abusive towards presumably in front of their children

cherrybunx0 · 20/04/2020 17:36

their*

MrMeSeeks · 20/04/2020 17:37

Im sorry op but i don’t blame him for reporting you!
You can’t leave an 8year old in charge of a 6 year old at home or at the park!
It must be hard reading all these responses, but i hope it changes how you do things in future.
If something happen to either one of them that would be immense guilt for the other child.

LouHotel · 20/04/2020 17:38

Massive lapse in judgement on your part - I get you want to experience outside space on your own but you need to look at doing yoga in the garden or HIT exercise.

How far we’re going to bump into Ex? If you had said you were going round the block so passing your house every 2 mins I don’t think it would be too bad but 10 mins in one direction is a mile.

MrMeSeeks · 20/04/2020 17:39

cherrybunx0

Have you actually read simons post or just jumped to conclusions?

SlatternIsTrying · 20/04/2020 17:43

I have only just started to leave my two, 12 and 10, on their own. I have only started to do this because of lockdown - some days I have to go for work to pick up files, so I leave them at home.

If it wasn’t for lockdown I would have left it longer before leaving them on their own.

pooopypants · 20/04/2020 17:43

YABU but seem very defensive about it, I'd have reported you too OP. Children that age aren't developed enough to deal with an unexpected emergency or event.

Will you now stop running and leaving them home alone?

Also - you say that your area is 'safe' yet you have a PCSO patrolling...... those two don't add up in my head. I know areas of my city where PCSO regularly patrol.... they've recently been in the news for massive groups of people, antisocial behaviour and are locally known for being shitty to live in. I don't understand.

JudyCoolibar · 20/04/2020 17:52

I'm trying to stay sane and I felt that the benefit outweighed the risk.

I guess the question is whether you'd still think that if you returned to find one of the children had had a serious accident, or if it was you had the accident and couldn't return. I know it's restrictive, but couldn't you take the children with you when you go out for exercise?

cherrybunx0 · 20/04/2020 17:53

@MrMeSeeks I was referring to this comment he made:

Your ex not staying sat on your door step isn’t the problem, he (and any parent) should be able to trust that an adult caring for a child isn’t neglecting their safety

as in, hard for the ex in question here to get on their high horse about how their child is being looked after if they dont bother to look after their own children and were abusive..

not really sure what you're getting at otherwise

Inkpaperstars · 20/04/2020 17:53

OP it's hardly 'reassuring' that someone a pp reported for leaving under 10s alone and for allowing them to socialise with a convicted paedophile wasn't chased by social services! I realise that may not be what you meant but still.

I think you may be right about your background and the area you live in. But also, in terms of child safety it doesn't matter whether your ex has done this out of spite or whether he actually cares. You already know he's a bastard so let's leave him out of it. You have to think and make a responsible decision, not just try to interpret guidelines. A pp who works for NSPCC has already said you aren't interpreting them correctly but in any case, who parents based on meeting NSPCC guidelines? Think for yourself. It clearly isn't safe.

CrystalTipped · 20/04/2020 17:54

Ask yourself honestly - if you were out when your ex had the dc's, and ran into him alone, and he said he was out exercising but they were fine at home - would you be happy with that?

icedgem85 · 20/04/2020 17:56

This has got to be fake. There's no way anyone would leave a 6 year old alone or let them go to a park on their own. Your ex had every right to report you, I'm surprised your neighbours haven't too.

saffy1234 · 20/04/2020 17:56

This has to be a wind up
I hope you have learnt your lesson OP

1forsorrow · 20/04/2020 17:59

This has got to be fake. There's no way anyone would leave a 6 year old alone or let them go to a park on their own. Your ex had every right to report you, I'm surprised your neighbours haven't too. You must have led a very sheltered life.

Iwalkinmyclothing · 20/04/2020 17:59

This has got to be fake. There's no way anyone would leave a 6 year old alone or let them go to a park on their own.

This comment has got to be fake. There's no way anyone would be this ignorant of real life.

Fruitsaladjelly · 20/04/2020 17:59

I used to leave my 8 year old alone for short spells Ie whilst I walked to the shop down the road, he was responsible and would have been fine in an emergency, however I think leaving the 6 year old effectively in the care of the older child to go for a run is a bit much. Ss won’t get excited about it but I think You’ll need to knock that on the head for now.

CCaK · 20/04/2020 18:06

I'm quite shocked at this.

Where in the country do you live? That would be unheard of here.

Leaving a 10 and 12 year old would be ok. But no way should an 8yo be left responsible for a child of any age.

Sophism1 · 20/04/2020 18:08

Your 8 and 6 year old go to the park alone?
Bloody hell.

Sometimes I am convinced Mumsnet is another planet 😂 where are all you people that EIGHT year olds aren't going to the park themselves?

At eight mine was at the park, the corner shop, walking to school herself etc.

And so where her whole class with the odd exception of kids who live out of the area.

They're not stupid toddlers.

Six is the age they all start going to the park here.

Mine are six and nine and I leave them, like you, to take the dog out for her walk in the evenings. The oldest knows not to answer the door, how to call me, what to do if there was a fire etc.

Were none of you left alone as children, ever? At eight I was getting a bus to school and my single mum worked the entire summer holidays Confused.

ShouldWeChangeTheBulb · 20/04/2020 18:09

Only you know the area you live in the maturity of your kids, people have different standards depending on these factors. However if social services contact you I would agree to not do it again and not try to explain your rationale too much otherwise they may try and say you’re not receptive to their advice.
Where do you live OP? It sounds lovely. I wish my children could play out (we live in a city that isn’t safe). I love it when we go camping and they can roam about without adults hovering the whole time. When I was 6 I was pretty much free range.

OVienna · 20/04/2020 18:13

These discussions come up regularly.

I left mine home to go round to the shops when they were 7 and 10, with the phone, if they were settled watching TV, for a similar period of time to the OP. They're sensible and would have understood not to cook, make food etc. They would know not to answer the door. Yes, in principle, there was risk but I felt manageable.

I wouldn't, however, let them go to the local park in London alone at that age. I guess second half of Year 6 I did do that, given that in three months time the older one would have been going to secondary alone! External risk very different for me. Also the context is so important - in the village up north where we stay they play out, with other children, at 8 and 11.

The poster who said they wouldn't leave at 10 and 12 year alone I find baffling unless the neighbourhood is very extreme. 6 and 8 probably a no although in the village I mentioned it wouldn't warrant calling SS!!!

CanIDigIt · 20/04/2020 18:14

Bit late to the thread
I wonder what percentage of posters are single parent families?

I am. I used to put my 6 and 3 year old to bed and walk the dog. I felt a fear and paranoia every night which society has caused. I was within 45 seconds sprint distance of my house mind.

I absolutely would have left mine at 8 and 6 for 20 mins. I would have told my neighbour. They are so well behaved they wouldn't dream of doing anything other than watch the film I told them to. And they could use a mobile to call a dozen adults or emergency services at that age.

I used to let myself in after school age 8 with my 5 year old brother. They are capable of this.

It's just society that isn't.

bloodyhellsbellsx · 20/04/2020 18:18

And so he should have!

bloodywhitecat · 20/04/2020 18:19

@Peanutbuttermouth My community felt safe, it was a sleepy town in the middle of the Fens. Then Ian Huntley took it upon himself to murder two 10 year old girls, classmates of my son and a friend of my daughter. Nowhere felt safe after that.

Swipe left for the next trending thread