Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

20 years in it’s dawned on me...

994 replies

Treatedlikeamaid · 20/04/2020 11:57

That dh has a pattern of behaviour and I fall for it every time.
He gets very anxious and it feels like he copes by getting at me until I’m as anxious as he is. I need to keep positive so that I ive things and look after kids.
Only just dawned on me after he’s just done it again that he’s done it a zillion times - to the point where I couldn’t cope and couldn’t stop crying even in the doctors office.
I’ve been working hard on self esteem and encouraging myself to set up a teeny business which has had good reviews, hubby is all Victorian businessman, ‘what’s the plan ? It will never works etc etc. ‘There are several models which are working very well, so I’m sure there is room for me.
which means whatever I’d thought or planned goes out of my head and I feel stupid and ridiculous. I’m sure a few words of interest or even a ‘well done’ would be of help. It’s like he’s allowing me to do it, but if it gets busy he accuses me of the house being a tip.
Just could do with some encouragement, being a bit needy at the mo!
Thanks!,,,

OP posts:
Vodkacranberryplease · 29/06/2020 08:55

@Treatedlikeamaid This When we got in late and happy, he was all, pissed off- ‘you should have told me you were going out’ grrr) and struck by how people seem to go out, get stuff done, have fun.We seem to live in a bubble of blah. We can never afford to buy a paddling pool, ( or go to mums) and even free fun is just trudging around the same old walk.
And this Was jealous of my mates on Facebook who seem to have fun out with their families. Have been for a while, but this time it’s striking deeper. Before I was resigned, now I’m getting cross. At last! A real emotion, not this grey half life!

This is literally the worst life ever. He's buying (well you are) printer ink (v expensive) for a business he's never getting off the ground and you can't afford a cheap padding pool from Lidl/Aldi/eBay??????

Talk to your counsellor and promise yourself no more walks with him! And offer to buy his ink again and while you have his debit card in your hand use it to buy a paddling pool! One deep enough for you to sit in like it's a jacuzzi, with a glass of vino. Or Aldi/Lidl do excellent vodka!

Or just go out. Meet friends, take the kids, have fun. Live. He can't make you do anything all he can do is whine or huff or sulk and really, do you even care?

In the meantime 30 degrees!!!! It's shite here 😁. And you get to spend time with your mum! All the time he was banging on about you not going and it turns out he couldn't stop you.

What else can't get stop you doing????

Vodkacranberryplease · 29/06/2020 09:00

The best deal I could see. Comes with a pump. £25 www.groupon.co.uk/deals/bestway-6ft-fast-set-pool

But groupon so longer lead times... The same one is on eBay for £35. For when you are back and he's foolishly given you his card for buying shit he doesn't need for a business he will never make money from. Because he is, in fact, useless.

billy1966 · 29/06/2020 13:52

OP,
Keep strong.
Let nothing prevent you enjoy6this time with your mother.
Minimise your calls, every couple of days and be brief.

He has manufactured the flu to try and make you feel bad, AND give him an excuse to do nothing with the house, children, business.

I'm sorry to be so blunt, but he is a wastersnd a failure who has spent his energies bullying you for the purpose of his ego.

I sincerely hope you will eventually see what a lot of posters see, he has spent 20 years dragging you down.

You are worth 10 of him on your very very worst day.

Enjoy your mum and resist phoning that whining twat.

Flowers
Ogham · 29/06/2020 14:37

Glad you arrived safely and I bet your mum is delighted to have you there 🌺.
I couldn’t believe how predictable he was getting the flu so quickly after you left and probably not even the slightest sign of it coming on before you left!!! Amazing!!!
Enjoy the quality time with your mum and avoid ringing him. Maybe this time away will help you see things more clearly and you can focus on your options.

Treatedlikeamaid · 01/07/2020 01:25

You are so lovely! Finding a paddling pool 😁
Internet appalling here, to add to the fun! Shocked to find mum had just stale crackers and mouldy chicken in a Indescribable fridge.. lovely, and very sad, to see her. How she survived lockdown..She’s getting really forgetful, really quickly.
Had nice chat with someone I kind of know who has just got rid of A narcissistic bf, and was saying To the letter, what you guys have been telling me about her ex. -it’s totally about control. They Bring you down to make them feel better. It’s all about projection. Not a great tale. She also pointed out I’d popped over into victim role ( by texting, ‘let’s go for a drink if you’re not fed up with me’. Which actually is really wet)and needed to take back my own power.
Actually Managed to get in to a car - without anyone telling me how, and Actually drive to a hospital and find a cafe Without someone telling me how. Must be a fluke, however did I do it?
Remembering the old me.
Ha! Stupid keyboard not working now! Taken forever to type this xxxxx

OP posts:
TorkTorkBam · 01/07/2020 01:48

You are on the up!

Treatedlikeamaid · 01/07/2020 03:27

Thanks tork! Hope you get some sleep tonight!

OP posts:
Ogham · 01/07/2020 10:32

Thanks for updating us and it’s great that you have time away from him to think clearly.
Your Mum doesn’t sound so good unfortunately. I hope you’re able to work out a solution for her. It’s really tough seeing them getting old.

Allinadaystwerk · 01/07/2020 16:11

Isn't it amazing how clarity comes when you step away from a narcissist or emotional abuser! Well done op. I hope your mom feels better soon. I bet she is chuffed you are there

Vodkacranberryplease · 01/07/2020 18:48

Yes who would have thought? Booking a flight all by yourself and travelling to another country! Next you will be having actual thoughts of your own.. like 'what a fucking prick he is' and 'Jesus I really had had enough of this arsehole'. And that simply would not do!! 😁

KatySun · 01/07/2020 19:29

Well, you did it because you have a brain between your ears and you know how to use it. That ability has never gone away, no matter how much a certain someone has tried to make you doubt it.

How is your mum doing today?

KatySun · 01/07/2020 19:31

When I was thinking about this earlier, I wondered what the options are for her moving back to Britain but into something like sheltered housing so that you are closer but she is still independent. That might be too much of a move for her, even if it was possible though, and it sounds like she has friends where she is.

ThickFast · 01/07/2020 19:34

Sounds really upsetting to see your mum like that. It’s great that you got over to see her. Does she have any help when you’re not around?

RandomMess · 03/07/2020 04:16

Hope you are doing ok, I noticed that quarantine restrictions lift on 10th July for Spain!

Treatedlikeamaid · 05/07/2020 07:00

Thanks everyone! It’s been a surreal week of endless ringing phones, but finally getting tests arranged. No, thick and Katy, She can’t live alone any more. It is horrible ogham. I guess we all go through it.

I Finally called dh to explain, who Said he may have an interview and Remineded me we have no income and I need to get on with my business. And then told me what’s app was using a lot of data in my phone and that would be expensive.
I KNOW we are in dire straits. I’m not stupid. I just got flooded with that Awful cold water feeling of anxiety. I managed to say, I know, but right now I’m dealing with this. ( thanks to counsellor who had said write him a long email of how you feel)
I put down the phone feeling Really upset and not knowing why. It’s why I hate calling. I’m guessing you would say that that is controlling - to immediately remind me of the dire peril we are in. So I don’t think about staying/ having fun. Is that right? Surely not, but ...
You are right he’s always had a thing about me coming here. It’s my Family home ffs.
As fo business ( ha ha ha) It feels like I’ve gone from Putting up with Crap to sell the odd thing, to immense pressure to be earning gazillions. It’s so scary that fear is keeping me stuck and confused. Just want to calmly and objectively get on like some people seem to! Spending today planning stuff and getting a calm objective mindset!
I’d like the kids to come it may be our last visit. Counsellor says, tell dh to put them in a plane. What?! Fills me with fear but guess I have to get big girl pants on.
Don’t know if this is interesting..?
Counsellor says does he ever ask after me? When I say not really, she says he may be working from an ego centric outlook. He cognitively may not be able to do empathy. It’s like asking someone who is colour blind to see a colour. So I need to accept I won’t get support from him, and find it from friends etc. She said he could also just be very spoilt. In which case I need to stop spoiling him and encourage him to be what I need. Walk away when has a childish temper etc. She suggested writing an email of how I feel for him...! And definitely write a script of what to say. Found This link compares egocentric to narcissism, may be interesting.
www.verywellmind.com/what-does-it-mean-to-be-egocentric-4164279
Oh crap. All I want to do is live here with my mum!
Thanks so much. Knowing you are there and have wise words is unbelievably helpful and kind.

OP posts:
KatySun · 05/07/2020 08:15

I personally would not write the email. Write it in a journal for yourself, to remind yourself. But would there be anything in there that you have not said before in some way, shape or form?

I used to think that if I just explained, then he would get it and pay attention to what I was saying. But words, explanations were a hook, they simply gave him another way in. I told him things which he could later use to get a response or turn around on me (even to the extent of bringing private correspondence sent in good faith into court to show how unstable I was - which the judge ignored; of course the point was to upset me, not to get a reaction from the judge). My point is that your purpose is to try and reach a common understanding but his will be to find ammunition. An email with everything you feel simply makes you vulnerable; he is not stupid, and surely in twenty years you have tried to explain. Nor is he spoilt by you (more victim-blaming!), rather he has worked out over the years how to get what he wants by emotional manipulation, threats and tantrums.

Regarding the phone call, it is trying to rein you in and get you back, yes. There is not a common conversation which also addresses the situation of your mother and your need to support her.

I think, hard as it is, you need to think very clearly and in a focused way, about what you want to do. I feel that it goes beyond my capability to advise on the situation as regards your mother, but maybe post on the Living Overseas forum. I might be wrong but I think there is also an Elderly Parents forum on here too. What are the decisions you need to make regarding your mother and what resources do you need to make them? What are the realistic options? I suppose that is the first and most important thing.

How much time do you have off work?

In my situation, with the whole long, running legal proceedings and court case I had two clear objectives regarding DC. I will not put them here but they were quite reasonable. Everything else he tried to draw me into was smoke and mirrors. My point is that you do need a clear idea of what you want to achieve here and then it will be easier not to be deflected by the manipulation and attempts to control. To some extent, your partner does have some reasonable concerns about income and the future, so you need to also have in your head your position on that (acknowledgement of the situation, a clear idea of what you are doing about your job and business and when - and you are right, going from occasional sales to main breadwinner is not a reasonable expectation) and where it fits with what you want to do.

At this point, given the pressures on you, I would be tempted to see writing any emails explaining how you feel as a side-track and potential diversion (just as I see a debate about whether he is spoilt or ego-centric as a diversion, the end result is the same; the only point is that you have not spoilt him!). Focus is needed, and this will make you anxious as you are not used to putting your needs first. Focus and clarity about what those needs are.

Hopefully that makes some sense.

KatySun · 05/07/2020 08:18

Sorry I missed the point about wanting to live with your mum, not sure how, aside from I am writing quickly as DC need attention. But I think what I say still stands.

RandomMess · 05/07/2020 08:25

Next time you need to call him (is it worth bothering, has he ever dropped you a message to ask if you are ok and is there anything you can do to help, that he and he kids are fine and not to worry?)

I would keep in mind

This is my Mum and she is priority now.
If you both work full time financially you will be fine and his redundancy will last a few months yet and there is always HIS pension pot.
Can you ask the DC via a message if they want to come out if it means seeing your Mum unwell and it not being particularly "holiday" like?

What options do you have for
Your Mum going forward?

BurtsBeesKnees · 05/07/2020 08:32

If you want to live with your mum op, then do it.

Any decent human being, when told about the issues with your Mum would have said 'it's ok babe, you do what you need to for you and your mum, don't worry about anything else, we'll sort it'

TorkTorkBam · 05/07/2020 09:53

You hate calling because it is a hate-call. He uses it to put you down. The hatred seeps down the line and into your ears. Avoid.

billy1966 · 05/07/2020 12:18

OP,
Do not send an email of your emotions, he will only use it against you.

Don't be calling him.
He is not helping.
Focus on your mum and your chilsren.

He is not a good man.
His sole concern is himself and controlling you to make him feel better about himself.

Flowers
Thinkingg · 05/07/2020 22:34

I've not commented before but I've caught up on your whole thread and my heart goes out to you. I grew up with an emotionally abusive mother. I think for her it was due to her own anxiety and and management issues, rather than malicious. But I recognise well the sense of being unable to think straight or make decisions, when you're in the sphere of an abuser. When for their own reasons, conscious or not, they want to keep you in a state of panic.

OP, a decent partner would be trying to take all the pressure off you at this time. They'd be saying "You're doing a great job with your mum... it sounds really tough... is there anything I can do... the kids are fine, we're all doing okay here... don't worry about money right now, it's tight but we'll figure out a way through this together." Instead he is piling on the panic, because he needs to stop you thinking straight.

Thinkingg · 05/07/2020 22:34

*anger management issues! Not just management issues...

Vodkacranberryplease · 06/07/2020 07:56

@Treatedlikeamaid Oh crap. All I want to do is live here with my mum!

Why don't you? Get your internet sorted and your kids sorted and your stuff and move? Sell up leave him and go? Spain is not Outer Mongolia, kids aren't back at school for months, weather is lovely, it's much cheaper and you can run your business.

Just go. When you go back load you and the family up and drive there if need be. Instruct and estate agent and start divorce proceedings. Why not? He's horrible. All he goes is crude anxiety and drag you down and that doesn't go until they do.

Vodkacranberryplease · 06/07/2020 07:59

Sorry about the typos - Apple. All he gives you is anxiety. I don't think he's 'just' spoilt. What does your gut tell you?

Swipe left for the next trending thread