Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

We speak all day every day! Both of us are working. We do evening walks on our phones. Bedtime calls. Texts!

that all sounds pretty good.

I'm working from home and iron is out working, more than usual as other staff are furloughed. hes out from early till late most days and says hes exhausted. I feel like I'm bugging him if I text. can only really ask how his day is going, dont wanna start big getting to know u convos if hes busy and tired 🙁

I have major lockdown fatigue today. I'm so fed up of my own company, envious of those with partners living with them and feeling very sorry for myself.
Teen dd is being lovely but it's just not the same, missing my extended family, my friends and my freedom very much today.

I’m at home with teens. I’ve tried to get them involved with some stuff
We have painted all the garden fences, planted some seeds and listened to their music of choice also painted a bird table

DD2 is still wearing PJ’s but who cares

I think as I had got so stuck into a garden overhaul project the time is going fast and I’m tiring myself out! Also less time to think about family and friends. It’s my friends I miss but I have done a 5 round quiz for us tonight

Have you got any projects you could do together to distract you? Any plans you could focus on?

Same, the garden (and Couch to 5k) is taking all my time and energy during lockdown, such that quizzes, work and communicating with Mr GN quite frankly get in the way! I’m getting a bit worried though that the longer lockdown goes on, the less I miss the outside world. It’s going to be hard socialising again.

I kept busy for the first 6 weeks, exercise, dieting, decorating, cleaning, organising but there is only so much you can distract yourself. I went back to work part time this week but it's actually made me feel worse, the days without work seem even more endless.

Hopefully it's just a down day and I'll be feeling a bit more positive tomorrow.

@dancemom it might just be a down day. Sometimes people say the nice weather can make people feel even worse. I've just been trying to stay chirpy since being ghosted as I don't want to put that onto my kids so I just push myself on and sleep when they sleep!

OOf * has he actually ghosted you? What a prick

@TigerDater Yes, we were texting yesterday till about 8.30pm, were meant to have a call at 9pm and I called, he said just to give him a moment, then heard nothing
I tried calling but got declined. Nothing heard today. This after 3 solid weeks of texting, 3 2hr calls. No offence to the men on the thread but it's all really shaken my confidence in my intuition about men. He was completely open and friendly and excited to meet me. I just feel so foolish but my friends had seen the messages and knew the story and all say they would have believed him too. I just can't imagine how people would do that. It's certainly crushed me a bit and I'm quite nervous to go back online now if I'm honest.

@Eesha, I'm sooo sorry. that is just despicable behavior.

Why go through the charade, its very odd x

What a knob. He could have at least been slightly honest with you
Don’t doubt yourself - you gave him a chance after the first blip based on giving people benefit of the doubt. He just sounds like a player

@Eesha I'm sorry that's shit behaviour

Eesha that's horrible. I don't get why people have to act like that. It's not difficult to be honest.
You shouldn't feel foolish, you did nothing wrong.

Thanks everyone, he had ample opportunity to be honest if things weren't working or fun but no, he just disappeared. I am not blocked, just silence. It's just the not knowing which really hurts after all the communication we had. I'm usually very careful, no relationship since my breakup 2.5 years ago and only maybe 8 dates. I am just so angry at myself (irrationally) for believing what I was told and actually feeling so excited and happy about someone. I just can't do that to myself again. I just don't trust my instincts anymore.

Be angry at him eesha not you. What an arsehole. I’m so angry on your behalf! Gah.

If he hasn’t blocked you maybe he’s just been mega busy today @Eesha? I know there’s no excuse for not sending a quick text, but it seems really odd to just disappear but not block. Could you message and ask if everything is ok maybe?

@Savoretti i did text last night after I had tried to call twice and it was declined. Just jokey texts saying assume you have fallen asleep etc. Nothing heard since. I just wondered whether he had someone staying as his behaviour seemed to slightly change on Sunday even though he still continued to text flirt and talk about meeting, maybe a hidden gf? Tbh I just feel like I was incredibly foolish. @TigerDater I always tend to be self critical with these things and I shouldn't be. I didn't do anything wrong but like him.

@Eesha what a coward he is. I'd send him one final text saying I'm glad you showed your true colours before we met. Good riddance. Then block

Awe @eesha I didn’t realise that. Totally not your fault so don’t blame yourself for being foolish, you weren’t. There are so many chancers out there it’s impossible to know who is genuine - especially before you’ve met them. How old is he?

@eesha- I wouldnt waste a text on him like choclate suggested. He deserves nothing but a massive big dish of silence.

It stings, but this too will pass. Was ghosted after 3 great dates- he had even shown me the fancy restaurant he had booked next. No red flags, my intuition hadn't alerted me anything was amiss. This was my first OLD experience ever after coming out of a 16 year marriage. BUT I didn't let it knock my confidence at all.

You'll find someone amazing x

@Savoretti he's 43

@Myfabby yes I've deleted pretty much everything now and feeling less sad than before. I'm sorry you went through your situation, why are people so awful? I would never treat anyone that way. I know I'm meant to reread the rules each time. I just am upset that I was happy about someone and I was completely wrong.

43 that’s ridiculous. You’d think he’d have grown up by now, so sorry Eesha

Eesha this is no reflection on you, none whatever. The man’s an unkind, selfish arsehole and you are an open, kind, beautiful warrior. As regards your judgement: in lockdown, a bit lonely and with no scope to meet, the rule about meeting quickly can’t apply so everything is skewed.

Did you send him a ‘fuck you’ message before blocking him?

I’m glad you’re feeling better today. By not having met him, the pain evaporates quicker maybe? It was a bit of fun while it lasted at least.

savoretti an arsehole is an arsehole whatever age they manage to get to. I’ve had similar from men in their late 50s. It’s a weird power game for them. Luckily for me I gave no fucks about any of the ones who ghosted me without meeting. Let them rot in their pathetic basements I say!

@eesha I agree with the others. This is no reflection, it was such a dickish thing to do.