Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@crazycatlady20 @echoelephant yes, we had a 2hr call on Friday, lots of laughs and he really opened up to me, then Saturday he messaged me, said it was really lovely chatting, then today NADA. I'll see whether he messages me tomorrow morning but really what can I say? "What happened to you yesterday?", "why didn't you reply to my good morning message?"....we've only been chatting for 2 weeks. I'm just going to see what happens tomorrow, might check if he's ok in the morning then leave it. I haven't got read receipts set up on WhatsApp so I don't know if you can check back historically if read either.

@Eesha
What happened to you yesterday?", "why didn't you reply to my good morning message?

God no, please don't. Chatting for 2 weeks is nothing.. why are you so attached? You are wayy too invested. If a guy said that to me because of a 24 hour silence- it would be the end.

@Myfabby Well I wasn't going to write that but was going to ask if he was ok at least.

@eesha I think it's ok to ask him if hes ok.

I am totally over invested in my iron. we met various times last year and he wanted fwb I didnt. he popped back up saying hed like to give us a proper go and I've totally jumped in 😔 I know advice here was not to but I just couldnt help it. with everything going on too 😕.

He came on quite strong, I reciprocated and now I can feel him pulling back lol.

I'm going to try to pull back myself. See how it goes. im feeling quite down with COVID with no motivation for anything that would keep me occupied tho 😫. I'm so scared hes talking to other girls too. I've decided I hate dating.

@Eesha did you hear from him ?

I want to know what's happened to Eesha's iron.
To go from 2hr phone calls to nothing in less than 48hrs is weird.

Not saying this is what happened, but I had someone disappear on me for a couple of days. When they reappeared they were full of apologies and had a plausible excuse.
I found out the real reason a few months later - they'd been arrested and taken away in a police van

@EchoElephant oh wow. There could be a genuine family or home emergency. I speak to mr g daily now so we don’t text as much as not much to say but we respond if someone asks a question

@Jane1978xx @EchoElephant nothing heard this morning either but although he didn't appear online yesterday, he was on about 9am today. Usually in the past he would message me really early or after 10ish after meetings.

I'm going for a walk with my kids now so was tempted to text him. He's also a very direct person which is why this feels strange but who knows, maybe I'm the foolish one here.

Eesha I don't think you're being foolish. His pattern of behaviour has changed dramatically over the weekend.
It would be different if you had a slow fade in messages.

But there's not a lot you can do. Maybe send another "hello" text later today. Otherwise, try not to think about it. Easier said than done, I know.

@Eesha did you text
Him last with a question he’s not answered ? Could he be waiting for you

He immediately replied and said he had been searching for his phone yesterday and found it in the laundry basket this morning. He said he thinks it might have fallen in when he was doing the bedding Saturday night. It does sound believable.....hmmm

@Eesha, I know if it was me I would send one more text just asking if he's okay. Maybe this evening. I guess in this scenario there can only be 2 options - he's either had something happen or he's lost interest. As usual in these situations it would just be good to know. It only takes a moment to text

Oh I said that to someone once!

X post. Glad to hear that he messaged. Time will tell now.

Maybe he just had a day he didn’t want to speak to anyone or he had nothing to say. See what happens x

@Eesha sorry to keep harping on, but you know he’s fibbing right ?

If indeed that happened he wouldn’t need to wait for you to text him before he explained his radio silence ! Also hadn’t you seen him on line whilst the phone was ‘ buried ‘??

I think you need to keep your wits about you with this one.. something is off here.

@Myfabby the thing is I didn't see him online yesterday but obviously I wasn't checking 24 7. I will see how things go and if any weird stuff happens again.

That’s a very tricky one eesha, especially when combined with the Tinder updates. I would be holding back a bit now I think.

@TigerDater i completely agree though we have only been speaking for 2 weeks. It all just felt strange to disappear as he always would message me every morning, we had three very long chats and things all seemed to be going well. I'll see whether anything else weird happens. I don't expect him to not chat/see others so early on though.

That is a bit weird @Eesha but I guess you never really know what is going on in someone's head especially when you can't see them face to face. I hate it when I can't second guess people. I sometimes wish I were Derren Brown!

Struggling to focus on work today. Anyone else having massive mood swings? I go from being happy to despondent and back again in hours... Listening to the radio today and wondering if life will actually ever be the same again after this, ever. I hate it when I can't see the endgame.

@uttersocks - yes. It's a tough time. Mood swings are a natural response. I had a whole week of it about 2 weeks ago. Then I changed up my day a bit so I get time to work, homes school time and some child-free evening time (they get a movie every day now). I'm getting back to normal me again.

This might not be the right place for it, but I have a general question about being apart from irons/BF etc. Are people generally sexting? I'd never done it before, but I've started to a bit now as it's getting on for 2 months since we saw each other. I feel.a bit clueless and I'm definitely apprehensive about any photos/nudes that could get out. Any tips?

@JaggySplinter id say no nudes personally. I think a person would then assume you send them to everyone. Plus my stepdaughters did all this and it ended up being circulated amongst people and was such a mess

@UtterSocks Yes strange but what can I do? We have only chatted for two weeks. He's bound to be chatting to others, maybe even meet some. My issue is ghosting but I just need to accept it may happen. I will speak to him though, if we are still chatting going forward, about ghosting etc. That if he does meet someone amazing he wants to be with, to just let me know! And vice versa! I don't know whether it will make much difference but I'd rather put it out there. The problem is no one knows what will happen so people are having numerous irons to juggle.