Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@EchoElephant I sent him a good morning at 11.30am, no response. I'll give it 36hrs then delete. I think I'll hear back at some point though!

Ok, in that case there's not much you can do Eesha
So frustrating when you seem to be getting on so well.
He may pop back up, but it's not going to be the same now.

I haven't been keeping up.
@putastrawunderbaby I would definitely phone the police to have a record and ask for advice.
I asked for advice here thank you and no longer speaking with that chap.
Have a new iron of just a few weeks since that I really do like. He lives a few hours round trip away but wants to come over in the week for a distanced walk which I've agreed to! Have high hopes with him. Sounds and looks exactly my type, just need to see if the chemistrys there when see him in person. Quite nervous as it's bending the rules but this could go on for another month plus and I don't want to find out then after chatting all that time that nothings there.
Others I moved to WA with. However, I prefer to message. Have had a phonecall with both but they want to call daily, several times a day which I find too much. I suppose they're lonely too.
Others it's just a message daily and both less interested.
I thought it'd be such a good way to get to know someone but find it very difficult to maintain. Although men that have been chatting to and tailing off a good thing as not wasting time meeting them in person.

Haha @uttersocks. I have teens so almost come out with some yoof slang. Tips are the same in my area. No recycling though everything has to be in black bags.

I'm loving Normal People but I was half watching it and had to go back to rewatch as I was picking up ok some of the subtleties. I want to bang their heads together. I think it's probably a good thing to watch if you are being wary of DTR because watching them is so frustrating!!!

Agree @Notcoolmum it’s a perfect example of making assumptions about the other person!

All those crossed wires and missed opportunities @menora !!

Oh for you all feeling like DnB and peng is not ok, I will join you. I don’t want to grow up really
I’m nearly 40 and I have 2 teen girls ages nearly 18 and 16.
Apparently I am a semi cool mum... 😂
I also have younger friends, I watch a lot of YouTube, listen to dance music, love garage music and was an old raver in my day 😂
I do cringe out the DC and enjoy it 😂

@Notcoolmum

It made me start doubting myself... the crossed wires thing. Like when I walked away from Mr M, was it just crossed wires and bad communication? I know it’s not though. It was much worse

I then looked back on other relationships. I had one a bit like they did. We were hopelessly crazily in love for 6 years but it felt like never at the same time as each other, there was always something in the way or a problem. We tried one last time to be together when I was 20 (met when I was 14) and it didn’t work. Even then after we broke up he could walk into a room and be there and we would just see no one else but each other. I don’t hate him and have never really regretted any of it - but I probably have never felt that way about anyone else

I still speak to him now on email 20 years after - we will never see each other face to face again, but we are connected in a weird way and probably will never really let it go. It helped me to still talk to him because it wasn’t my fault. It was not because I wasn’t good enough.

Not all memories are bad ones I suppose!

Well I watched the final episode of Normal People before I went for my run. I found it very humid out, especially round the eyes. Weeping and running, it’s the new thing, with quite a bit of cringing to follow later I’m sure.

It did make me think seriously about online dating and the basic inadequacy that we have there of capturing ourselves, our inner selves, our strengths and flaws and sometimes even our readiness for connection. I’d like to question the people that write ‘ I like staying in and going out’. What is that? ‘ I like staying in and going out with the fucking love of my life. Now where the hell are you ?’. Is that what they really mean ?

@Eesha Fingers crossed, he recognises there’s something there for him. You’ve done some time together and found out quite a lot about each other. He’ll need to consider it. Admittedly going on Tinder to think about it is not the the first thing I would do, so I think you should not expect too much right now but see how it goes.

The tip isn’t open here yet in any capacity @UtterSocks. I have a weird love for it and miss it greatly.

I watched it and then went on a run too! 😂 it helped I think

Yeah I am with you on that.
To me it means:
‘I’m not a party animal... and please don’t think I’m an alcoholic, all my friends are in couples so I want to find someone to go out with as I’m pretending I really like it but it’s boring AF’

Or it’s simply covering all bases. They like both and don’t want to exclude anyone from the dating pool so are being ambiguous

Did you shout at the Tv in the last episode?

I watched it on the iPad on the sofa, no shouting apart from a 'you absolute fucker' at that part. And the kitchen scene in Italy

Phone call yesterday was short and sweet as Mr Army was on a quick break. He was on 24 hour guard duty. I wasn't really in the mood for talking yesterday anyway. Had a bit of a crap day. My dad forgot it was my birthday, I managed to go over twice on my ankle during my daily walk and my supposedly best friend didn't get in touch. I sent her flowers and a card on her birthday at the beginning of April and I didn't even get a text or a Facebook message saying Happy Birthday. I'm re-evaluating that friendship because it just seems to be all take take take. Cancelling plans at the last minutes and blanking me when I get in touch with her. But when she wants support she expects me to be there.
I wonder if she will bother to get in touch with an excuse or not. Either way I don't really care as I have had enough of a one sided friendship. Makes me sad that I don't really have any close friends but I'm only 27 so hopefully still time to make some.

@eesha did your iron reply to you?

I've been feeling really down and would have loved to talk rubbish with someone. my iron has been really quiet. had a 5 min call, and he said he has a sore head.

I know this was discussed (I cant find it) but what do u guys talk about during lockdown?

Sorry dancer about your dad and friend
I’m currently not really involved with my own family right now for a few reasons. Just low contact. Of my choice. But I know it’s hard

Hope you heard something from him Eesha

With my iron/friend we just send photos of our day/dinner. We don’t text all day just a few odd messages. Memes, songs, YouTube links that kind of thing.

When I have spoke to him on the phone or video we have prepared games to play. Like 2 truths one lie, ‘what am I’ and also ‘never have I ever’ also talk about the news, travel, history, politics and art. I’m not super knowledgeable of these things but they are interesting. He tells me things about his work I explain mine. Then sometimes we talk about deeper things like families (usually funny) or what kind of people we are, talk about kids, decorating, films. All kinds of stuff!

Sometimes he’s doing a quiz and he will ask me for the answers

@crazycatlady20 @menora no nothing heard. I can't understand how it can go from 100 to zero overnight. My last message was this morning saying Good morning and how are you? Usually he would have messaged me by then. Part of me wants to send a note asking if he is ok but I don't want to appear needy. He could be out and about. I think I just need to wait and if nothing heard today, then I've been ghosted.

If anyone's on Instagram, I've discovered 85 Questions.
Choose a number and it gives you a question. I'm doing this with Mr local.
It has given us a few things to chat about

@Eesha out and about during lockdown?. No sweetie. He simply isnt makin you a priority. Don't send him a note. Let it go Rule nr 5

@Dancerinthemoonlight
Hope you managed to have good day inspite of your dad& friend. How come the call with Mr Army was short?

@Myfabby I only thought out and about as he was out last Sunday too, he isn't English and last week went to the park in London on his scooter. But you're right, doesn't look like I'm a priority.

@Eesha

It stings doesn't it- I've been there myself. His loss really...

Sorry @Eesha
It does sting because you told them things about yourself and opened up yourself to someone. I totally get it. To not even text you back is just rude

@Myfabby he was on a quick break from guard duty so didn't have long to talk. He isn't allowed to use his phone while on guard duty or eat etc. Different duty from usual as they rotate it between all the people on base. First time he has done it since I have know him.

@eesha sorry hes not replied. it really doesnt take 2 mins to reply but think guys can be different. I had an iron do it twice a few weeks ago, he came back withing 24hrs to say hed been feeling down and didnt want to burden me and the 2nd time was his birthday and his kids hadn't been in touch so was feeling down again. sp there may be a reason.

if he doesnt tho then it's his loss.

Eesha that seems really odd. To go from keen to nothing overnight.
Do you know if he's read your message?

I'd be tempted to send another message tomorrow asking if he's ok