Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

dd is at her dads today and I'd normally go a drive to take my mind off things but cant even do that.

What does DTR stand for?

I think a lot of people are starting to struggle now. It's been a long time to be isolated. I saw a picture of my family on my memories and burst into tears.

It looks like lockdown will be relaxed soon with the onus on getting the economy moving. But with social distancing remaining so that's difficult to see how you could date or see irons under those circumstances.

I’m really excited about B&Q opening as lockdown has reignited my obsession with gardening I just wish the tip would open so I can get rid of all the stuff I’ve cut down/dug up. But to me it’s also a clear sign that restrictions will start to ease a bit, so the end is in sight. Obviously we won’t go back to completely normal for ages, but seeing close family is on the cards. And meeting an iron, maybe at a distance?

eesha/jane can you meet anyone in a local park, for adult conversation?

@crazycatlady20 I know how you feel I work 40 hours from home and we are behind with school work. I cry every day , some days a few mins and others for hours.

@tigerdater I have dd all the time she only goes to her dads overnight. I’m good friends with some neighbours who could technically talk over the fence but it’s just not the same 😢.

I’m taking to mr g at least an hour a night but that’s making me miss him more. We said if they decide you can see one other home we would be each other’s but I have no idea if that will or won’t happen.

I'm also a bit sad because I was on tinder and saw my iron has added a few more pics. I also didn't realise there is an option on Tinder gold where they can see when you were last on. I am not in tinder gold, he is, but assume he can then have seen me on. I'm chatting to other irons but none I'd ever want to meet as much as this one.

@notcoolmum defining the relationship I think.

@tigerdater yeah our b&q opened a while ago. queues are massive, under 16s arent allowed in store, glad I didnt wait in the queue!

drive through coffee shops have opened here too.

my iron lives a bit away. I wish we were allowed to travel for a social distance walk in the park. feeling jealous of all the couples stuck together. the grass is always greener... lol.

Mr g lives walking distance from me (a few miles) but I think seeing him 2m away would be worse than not seeing him 😢

I agree, it would be nice to be able to meet someone for a walk.
Maybe we have to arrange to meet our irons in B&Q. Casually chat in the paint aisle or outside over the bedding plants.

I've lost one of my irons because he was busy with work and family. And we were struggling to keep the chat going when he could only send the occasional message.

I managed to see one of my friends the other day but only because he's asked me to do some work for him. It was still nice to chat to someone I haven't seen since end of February.

B&Q have been doing click and collect for a while. My spade broke in two and that ruined my plans for a herb garden, but I managed to pick up a new one from the counter service. Might be easier to do that than all the queueing. I'm also gagging for the tip to open.

@Menora I've been enjoying 'Normal People' too. It really does capture the intensity of love, the obstacles that stand in the way of that deep connection and the hurt we can experience. I'm not ashamed to say I shed a tear or two. I'm not surprised it has made you think. But you are thinking and processing and that's a great thing rather than to find yourself in limbo. (beautiful soundtrack to it too)

Also wondering what DTR means ? 'do the relationship' ?

Sorry some of you are feeling low. It's going to be a while before things return to normal unfortunately, but you've got your friends and your family all in the same boat. Keep them tight and who knows, maybe we'll come out the other side with a vastly more caring society.

No one who is feeling down should watch Normal People! It is so sad I also cried. It’s so intense. But it also made me want a deep connection with someone and not something casual, and also showed the importance of good communication - and where bad communication can lead you

DTR - define the relationship

I hope you are all ok. I am ok I had my wobble in lockdown at the start now I am trying to just find positives to focus on, not always easy I know. I went out last night to pick up a takeaway and I felt really weird being out! I went for a run today and felt really good about it. I’m just trying not to over think

Had my video call with Mr Return, it was 3 hours long! It was really nice and fun. We played some silly games and he shared photos of the new place he is buying and all the ideas he has to do it up. For me it is unusual to talk to a positive and motivated man... weird

That’s a lovely idea @HairyArsedMan but I’m not holding my breath. The lessons we’ve learned about the importance of relationships and the unimportance of material possessions/frantic running about will be lost in the economic pain this recession will cause. People tend not to be caring when they’re hungry and scared

@HairyArsedMan the tips have opened where I live. You have to go on a staggered basis based on your car number plate and only bagged general waste and you have to take a proof of address like a council tax bill, but it is worth you looking online. I was so excited I had a clearout and have 4 bags in the boot waiting for my designated day. I love going to the tip in normal times (I am weird like that).

I have no idea what Normal People is but am pretty sure I can't watch it as feel too fragile emotionally. I tend to watch either comedy or things with lots of murder like Line of Duty! I did watch Tiger King, which is jaw-dropping distraction TV.

Yes DTR is 'define the relationship'. Which I lack the courage to attempt. Apologies for my appalling millennial /Gen Y language, I have teenagers and work with a lot of younger people. I also listen to DnB and have been known to say 'peng' which is totally age-inappropriate too. I am not right.

@putastrawunderbaby how are you? Are you OK today? Hope that you haven't been subject to any more overtures by your ex. Did you report it in the end?

@UtterSocks I’m with you on the drum n bass and the tip thing as well. Getting rid of rubbish eg XH gives me soooo much pleasure. But just bagged general waste will not do it for me. We’re talking decades of rubbish which I’ve unearthed in the wilderness that was my garden - think old kitchen units, doors, paddling pools. XH literally could throw nothing away!

I was going to watch Normal People but I think I'll give it a miss for now.
I finished reading a book last night that was about a love story. Except the ending was so sad, I was in floods of tears. Didn't see it coming at all. "The Art of Hearing Heartbeats", if anyone is interested.

In other news, one of my irons has sent me a recent photo. And he looks nothing like the pic he has on Fab or WA. Another one using an old, old photo.
He still looks ok but I probably wouldn't have started chatting to him if I'd seen an up to date photo.

Just hopping on to say I watched all of Normal People in 2 days! I absolutely loved it but I also loved the book too. I now have a massive crush on Paul Mescal, even though I’m probably old enough to be his mum.
It did remind me a lot of my relationship
With my ex husband though.

I've heard great things about Normal People. Must watch!

Feeling extremely disillusioned with dating. I thought my iron was the bees knees yet looks like he has updated his tinder pics, which is fine, but makes me think he is looking for more options than me. This is fine as we haven't met yet but it still hurts a bit. I think if this doesn't work out, I'm done for a while.

@Eesha are you going to ask him about the updating thing? Would that make you feel any better? I’m sorry you’re feeling so rattled.

@TigerDater i don't know, could do jokily. We have only been messaging for two weeks solidly, 3 x 2hr phone calls. He was so keen as was I (secretly) but today nothing plus pictures were updated. I guess i was guilty of putting my eggs in one basket and feeling really excited. Now I just feel disillusioned.

How have you been talking so far? Has it been just very light? I think he’s probably trying to be sensible about his eggs in one basket rather than insensitive to you specifically - I would hope at least. And he might assume you are still looking too.

@Menora I've tried to keep it fun but we get on like a house on fire. We have had some deeper chats, so Friday he was telling me all about his childhood and lots of personal stuff and I felt completely confident in how things were going. Now today the combination of no morning message and additional tinder pics has thrown me. Did I get completely the wrong end of the stick??

Have you had any chat about what you are looking for? It is a hard one to discuss. I could tell someone what I am looking for doesn’t mean I think it’s with them, at a certain point I think there needs to be some honesty or you feel like you are wasting your time or someone else’s time

What do you feel comfortable with doing now? Messaging first and asking or waiting for it to come up? What sits best with you?

Whenever I have asked this question of someone and they have reacted like I am asking for a marriage proposal by saying ‘it’s too much pressure’ then I at least know I probably am wasting my time. My mistake has been still being involved with them!

Eesha sorry to hear about your iron. It's strange as you seem to have been getting on well. I don't think you misread it.
Maybe he just wants to chat to others as well. Maybe he saw you were chatting to others and thought you weren't so interested.
Have you messaged him at all today? You can tie yourself in knots trying to guess what he's thinking. Or you could message him.

I assume he thinks you are doing the same too he probably has no idea you are not

My iron, who said he was too busy to chat any more, has been on Fab most of the day.
So I guess he just got fed up with chatting to me and is looking for someone new.

I'm left with Mr local who doesn't look anything like I thought he did. So now I don't know what to do

@menora, we have only been speaking for 2 weeks but both just were open about going into something and if there's a spark and feelings then why not be serious about it. Im going to see whether I hear anything now from him as I haven't had any response to my 11.30am good morning message anyway so perhaps I've been ghosted anyway!!! i usually give it 36hrs of no contact before deleting.

If so, I might try and bring it up in a text chat. In all honesty, I don't think he was being dishonest in any way. Just not putting his eggs in one basket as you say. He was just so keen and we got on so well. Perhaps I just was mistaken.