Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Perhaps he’s had bad experiences with scammers. No need to be rude though.

I agree that WA is much easier than any of the apps.
I'd normally give out my phone number if I was arranging to meet someone. But I'm reluctant to do that right now as I've no idea when dating can happen again.

There is zero excuse for rudeness. He could've just say no, let's stick to the app.

But I was accused of being rude because I told someone they were too far away. I was probably too blunt with my message, I wasn't intending to be rude.

@menora yes he was decent enough to phone even though it's only been 4 months but yes onwards and upwards!
I've been on tinder but just can't find a single guy I actually like but I don't think I actually even get any likes either I'm not very photogenic 😂
But yes when you've been chatting to someone for a while surely it would be easier to swap phone numbers and chat on whatsapp no need for rudeness
How do you all get so many irons are you all on tinder or pof?

My irons are all from Fab
I tried pof and it was like tumbleweed. The locals ignored me. The only ones that messaged were miles away.

I haven't tried Tinder recently. But I usually struggle to get any matches. I thought I'd try that again when the end of lockdown is a bit closer, as I'm getting a bit bored of my chats now. We haven't got much to talk about anymore

I have spoken to her about him. She thinks he was potentially abusive but I recognised it and walked away but I only really walked away in the end because he had lost interest in me and started using me for sex
What she was worried about was how quickly I dropped all my defences I had built up to please him and also the lengths I would go to fix things and help him even though. I was not getting much in return

He didn’t even have a golden cock

@TwoOpenOneClosed i chat on FAB socially but my one iron is from Tinder. I dont swipe right very often so never have many irons anyway.

Hey dating gang. have not read the thread for a while. Zero to report here. Started (virtual) dating a guy who I could of liked but theen after 3 weeks and lots of FaceTiming He told me an ex had just got in touch and he still had feelings for her so that was the end of that. I have an odd Bumble swipe but rarely get a reply to my messages. Tinder is the same old faces and I’ve decided I want a LTR so I’m not fabbing. its hard going and I cannot really be arsed!
Hope everyone is doing OK?
Have I missed any good news?

Hello all. Hope everyone is doing ok. I need to catch up on the thread. I have no idea what's going on with me and my iron. We get on sooo well. Survived since the start of lockdown til yesterday living together and I enjoyed it. Hes gone back to his now. We were cuddly and affectionate but I feel like I need a label or not even a label but a conversation about where we are going. Except last time I did that he said he wanted to see how things progressed and now I'm scared of rejection. Argh. I need to have the conversation I think but I dont know when a good time to be would be. Hes got a lot going on so I can understand why he wouldn't want a relationship thrown in.. this is hard.

A bit of advice needed.
Chatting to one of my irons and I mentioned that I'm quite shy and reserved until I get to know someone.
He replied that I didn't need to be shy around him as he one of the good guys.

I want to reply that being shy isn't something that I switch on and off. That's my personality.

Does that sound reasonable? I'm not sure why he felt the need to reply like he did.

Echo, I don't think he meant any harm really.

That's a real drawback of chatting where if it was said face to face, you could read body language etc

I'm on Hinge! and its decent! Deleted my tinder immediately- ugh

@Dazedandconfused10 how long are you together? Why is gone home now?

Myfabby I don't think he meant any harm
I just don't know how to answer. Or maybe I should just ignore it

Echo just change the subject. Which is what I do when I don’t want to talk about something anymore 😂

I thought of that but I'm fed up of being the one to start conversations all the time.
This is Mr Local who seems to think I'm there to entertain him.

A better option would be to find a way to say this isn't working.

@Chocolate123 hes gone home because moving is allowed and we didnt want to be too used to being together 24/7 we have only been seeing each other since feb so its probably still too early but I'm just so bloody impatient. I guess I'm insecure and it would make me feel better to know if he is on the same page but I also dont 100% know what page I am on which doesn't help!

@Dazedandconfused10 I think after spending so much time together you deserve to know what's happening between you. Would you have the conversation again? Surely if you get on so well he'd be happy to be in a relationship with you if that's what you want? The not knowing will force you crazy. It's better to know than keep going not knowing where you stand.

@dazedandconfused yes why is it so hard to have the conversation? I have been baffled as to what Mr Beard is thinking for weeks now but dare not ask. Sounds pretty great though if you could live together for that amount of time and still get on well - whatever he labels it!

@Chocolate123 I'd hope he would like to be in one but I just dont know. I think because my ex didnt let on how he didnt want to be with me I just assume the negative answer now - I assume there is probably someone else people would rather be with than me.

@UtterSocks it's such a hard conversation! And because things have been so good. If,somewhat confusing, we didnt kiss much but he said that was due to wanting to do everything to avoid getting covid (I dunno...) but so affectionate in all other ways. I'm soooo confused

@EchoElephant I know what you mean abut entertaining, I hate being a lap dog doing tricks , like see, pick me pick me..

@dazedandconfused he sounds odd. I could understand the kissing and such of you were breaking lockdown and seeing him, but you were living together! If one of you were going to get covid, I'm fairly sure the other one would even without the kissing. But whatever, I doubt this is a case of him not wanting to be with you, but this virus has led to some strange behaviours, so I wouldn't take it on face value.
I completely get the need to label it though and I think you have a right to know.

Me and Mr Vegan were up playing games last night online which turned into some pretty explicit videos 😳. I have had the same sexual partner since school, so all this new territory (the actual sex before lockdown and everything online since) I've really been enjoying 😳😁. I really do want a label for us too. I know he treats me like a queen by organising food delivery when I'm feeling down and is romantic and we've even upped our phone calls to 3 times per day.I know he's dropped the L bomb and we've basically spent lockdown designing our perfect house, but I just want to be sure he sees this as his only relationship.

Myfabby he actually said "entertain me" the other day
I told him to entertain himself. He apologised and said he was bored.
Last night he asked if he'd upset me. Why? Because I hadn't messaged him all evening. But he hadn't messaged me either.

If we actually get a covo started then it can be interesting & funny. But most of this time I think he's just bored, lonely and shouting pick me. And he knows I'm chatting to others

@CheesecakeAddict I know! Which makes me think maybe he just doesn't see me like that anymore.

Hi all
What strange times we are ion to be dating.

Just asking a question

Tinder never had much joy. But over the past few nights seem to have found the same people in my feed??
I thought once you'd said no that was it

Still in touch with old fb awaiting a date or when Boris says we can! He is possibly sliding into the fwb if I work it right!!

Stay safe and enjoy peace and quiet xxx

I posted a few weeks ago about an iron called Mr nurse. We ended having several chats and texts and video calls all going well. Then as we work in the same area we just happened to see each other by chance in the car park whilst at work which was nice as we seemed to like each other etc. Obviously social distanced and had a quick chat across cars.
Anyway he was very open about his life, showed me his ID etc. So I thought I d look on Facebook. He told me that he had one child older separated from wife etc.
Well it turns out he had three Facebook accounts and three kids. Two were under 6.
I basically confronted him when I found out via video call and he didn’t know what to say. He said the kid was his sisters.
The outcome is we are not chatting as he then apologised saying that he wanted to explain face to face . Then next day texted and said we should stop contact .
I just don’t here why someone wouldn’t say about their kids. a) still with wife ? b) thought I d not like it as mine are older c) something more sinister ?
Sorry it’s long just wanted an opinion ?

Hi all! Just caught up a little. I'm so thoroughly single right now. I ended things with 3 fwb just before lockdown and blocked all. Radical maybe but I realised I have a tendency to slip and slide into and out of situations and ultimately, I want a relationship now. I dont want sex without love or its prospect any more. So lockdown for me has been simple emotionally on that score. Also, been working on my people pleasing tendencies. Until I feel grounded in that respect I wont be looking to meet anyone. Someone mentioned a few posts back about pointing out that someone was outside their radius and the person kicked off. Personally I dont think being straight to the point should have anyone second guessing measures of politeness. You point it out, wheres the big deal. It's also noones responsibility to take care of random strangers need to have some lockdown chat either.

@CheesecakeAddict have you met? Also, where are you sharing videos? Snapchat is best as they cannot save them to their phone or screenshot without it notifying you.

@Dazedandconfused10 that's a bizarre reason for not kissing. These are strange times and obvs an unnatural fast forwarding will happen being forced into a situation together. If you've been living together through this at your home it's perfectly reasonable to ask 'where do you see this going?'. It's also reasonable for you to see incompatibility if the answer is along the lines of 'let's just see how it goes' and you want a relationship. To my mind it isnt a difficult choice to make one way or another after living together for weeks. He'll have an idea of who and how you are. That said maybe give it a bit of distance before you bring it up.

@UtterSocks re 'dare not ask' is that because you 2 hadnt been seeing each other long pre lockdown? or because you feel you wont like the answer?

@Msyoganidra32 doesnt really matter the reason. It's all shifty behaviour and then he has bailed - probably so you dont go digging.