Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@putastrawunderbaby this reeks of controlling behaviour red flags, please cut him off. You'd heading into dangerous ground otherwise.

@UtterSocks @Onesmallstep67 @Eesha
Thank you - it wasn't the first time he'd got angry and then bided his time before verbally lashing out at me, and in between I'd be walking on eggshells knowing it was coming. But he was very good at making me feel like I should have done more to understand and help him.

Urgh he sounds horrid

But he was very good at making me feel like I should have done more to understand and help him. .... isnt that typical of abusers though @putastrawunderbaby?? Massive red flag!

I know @UtterSocks and it was stupid of me to pursue it. I knew deep down. But I had feelings and was an idiot.

@putastrawunderbaby You are not an idiot. Well done for blocking him. It takes time to have that moment where you realise you are better than their vile shit and actually, it didn't take you that long so he must have been a bigger cock than he sounds. Way to go you!!

"If you message me and I don’t reply please do not be offended. I’ve viewed your profile and do not think we’d be a match.
Happy fishing :-)"

Am I the only one that this type of comment does offend?
If I take the time and effort to write a nice message....please do me the courtesy of sending me a message in reply even if it is a nice rejection!!!

putastrawunderbaby please don't let that man back into your life. You weren't stupid, people like him are very clever at manipulation.

MelancholyMoper It doesn't offend me. It just says what everyone is thinking.
And how do you reject someone nicely? Whatever you say, "you're not my type", "you're too far away", "I don't date smokers" etc, there will always be the few who argue back. Who take the rejection personally and will send you an abusive message back.
Having your message ignored isn't nice, but you can't make someone reply.

It annoys me. It’s saying ‘I’m going to sit in judgement on you and if you don’t make the cut I’m happy being rude enough not to even tell you’. It’s looking for women who have low self-esteem - ‘ooo I hope I’m good enough for him to pick me!’ It’s basically negging. No way i would swipe on such an arrogant prick. I know making these judgements is what we all do but we don’t brag about it!

I see it so often now, I think it's one of those phrases that people have picked up on and think they should include.
No doubt, some use it to pass judgement. But I also think some include because they think it's a "nice" way to excuse their lack of reply.

Depends what the rest of the profile is like

@TigerDater That is in a lot of women’s profiles too. I interpret it (rather than be offended by it) as “I have tons of nuisance and ‘hey why no response’ messages to deal with”, so it makes me think ‘umm, better not make a nuisance of myself here’ and I move on. Probably counterproductive for anyone to have that kind of thing in their profile.

@MelancholyMoper Sadly many people are time poor, hence online dating. Lack of response just comes with that territory. You might write the one message whereas they might be fielding dozens. Last woman I dated had 100s of enquiries and struggled to deal with them.

How much are people chatting to prospective irons given we don't know how long this lockdown will be lasting. I exchange morning chats, then sometimes bits in the evening but I'm trying to keep things light and fun, however life has become so samey!!!

I’m still doing friend thing but we talk on and off all day on text. Light fun stuff. Not constantly but probably every few hours?

Then sometimes at night we will talk a bit more like deeper things. But if I am tired we don’t.

We planning to speak on video call on Saturday night to play games.

But I wouldn’t be offended or mind if it was just in the evenings if the other person was busy. We are both home all day, although working/kids different if I was in an office or at work

The last chat we had was that I had bought a dress that reminded me of something funny so sent him a photo and then we talked about all of our life fashion disasters 😂

I have 3 irons.
Mr local always says good morning then randomly messages me through the day. Think he just likes to keep in touch. But the chats are quite boring.

Mr London also always says good morning but adds some extra info like his plans for the day. Then I don't hear from him until late in the evening, when we will usually exchange a couple of messages about our day. I've spoken to him once on the phone.

Mr Food usually pops up about lunch time to ask what I'm doing in the day. Then we usually talk a bit about food, exercise and tv in the evening.

It's all a bit boring now. I'm keeping in touch with them all but tbh it feels a bit pointless if we can't meet for another month or more.

@putastrawunderbaby yes he sounds vile you're well rid of him!
My iron finally phoned me earlier today to inform me he'd found someone else surprise surprise how did I guess 😂
A younger woman with more baggage you can shake a stick at but hey ho if he feels they have a better connection then that's his choice and she lives round the corner from him so more convenient
At least I know for sure now, just not a lot of point even looking for anyone else at the minute and even when I do the choice is dire I must be too choosy I'm not even sure what I'm looking for tbh
I just can't be arsed to make small talk/sext with someone for weeks that when we finally meet don't even like 😐

Today I have let thoughts of Mr M creep back in, which makes me annoyed with myself. It is because I had a sex dream about him so I am thinking I wonder what he is doing... I wonder who he is trying to sleaze on now. Will she be posting on here about him one day?

He wasn’t even very good in bed so god knows why there was so much sex it was like some hysterical bonding type thing to cover up the problems in compatibility. So I do not miss him but he keeps coming into my mind. I have counselling this evening so it’s likely why he’s popped back up. Mr Return is lovely and I am happy with the friend thing I suppose my deep worry is lack of sexual chemistry but I don’t really need to worry about that do I?

@TwoOpenOneClosed

At least he told you and was honest I suppose! Onwards and upwards!

@Menora have you met Mr Return? It's a difficult one to gauge isn't? Too much emphasis on sex and you feel that might be all they are after, too little mention and it can feel like there's a lack of chemistry. Damn this bloody lockdown. So many of us waiting to restart or get started with irons. I'm trying not to think about how things might be affected longer term. Just hoping somehow we can get out and spend a little time in the same space as other selected people. Preferably in my case with someone who wants to do rude things with me.

Never met no! Video calling on Saturday night and we have spoke on the phone. But it is nice there is no emphasis on this side of it and I actually don’t want to worry about it too much but if there is any romantic potential it will need to be there in some form.

I’m in a weird place with sex. I had an absolute fuck ton of it (literally) with my last 2 relationships (although massive gap in the middle between them that was dry AF) but it was a lot of the focus and really the main connection. I try to be boundaried with them - there was no sexy photos exchanged and no very heavy sex calls or texting but more flirting and naughty messages mostly on my own terms. I’m also a bit vanilla although I like a lot of sex I am not kinky, so I avoid kinky men. But I couldn’t have a RS with no sex. I also don’t think I can do FWB I just am not designed that way

What do we all think of men who won't give out their phone number.

Suggested to Mr Fence we move to WA and he went funny and refused to give me his number.

Something to hide or perfectly acceptable?

In fact he said ' why do you want it ' which I found rather rude ( another rude one )....I seem to attract them.

@bangheadhere40 I think it shows they are hiding things

@Menora what has your counsellor said about Mr M? I remember you posting about him all the time before. Surely it's natural it's going to still play on your mind. I wouldn't worry about the sex aspect with new people till you actually meet them.

@bangheadhere40 how long have you been chatting to him for?
I haven't given my number to my irons, even though they have asked. I said that I was keeping WA for friends and family for now.

I'm not hiding anything, I just don't want to be dealing with constant messages during the day when I'm working.

However, saying "why do you want it" does seem rude.

Hi Echo, been chatting a couple of weeks now. I just find it easier than the app....

It did feel a little rude yes.