Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

POF never worked for me. All the men it threw up apart from one funny, handsome toyboy who I often chat to for banter but have no intention of meeting, were hideous, and could never make the distance restrictions work. Like Tinder but the 4 men I liked best were all Bumble, including Mr Beard

I only had dates via Bumble and POF, 8 in total. Current iron is Tinder though. I quite liked POF in that you didn't have to match to chat. Bumble is one I find where it seems like it's gone downhill and more for men to get an ego boost.

Can you set POF so only people who are n miles away can see you?

I've just been reading another thread where a woman met someone on POF who was leaving a double life, seeing two women. Quite frightening how he caught both so easily. Makes me hugely wary with these sites and how easily people can lie.

I think you can set a range on who is allowed to message you but that might be a paid for feature.

The search function never worked right for me. No wonder many people had the tagline 'looking for my needle in a haystack'.

I used the site so rarely I deleted my profile off it. It was mostly useful for linking people off here to it for a profile review ! I think that generated more views than from elsewere.

Just checked and in mail settings you can specify to have messages from anywhere or within 75miles. Mine is set to the later but clearly doesn't work because I've had messages from men at the other end of the country.

I'm interested in how people use pof to find people to message. I use either the search function, which can be hit or miss. Or look at those nearby.
But if I look at my matches, they don't fit my criteria at all.

Thanks for the advice on chat topics everyone. Maybe I just need to talk at him 🤣. I just want to see now if this rule comes in about seeing one other household.

No, that was the same for me @EchoElephant. I think they're going for the love works in miraculous mysterious ways approach to "matching" people up.

The whole ‘matchIness’ of matching on apps is bollocks. I don’t think any of them take preferences into account at all except age.

Top Prospect on POF always makes me laugh. My top prospects are always the ones I ignore, usually because they're too far away.
And the one person I'm chatting to, doesn't even make the list

The one person I do talk to on POF is my Top Prospect but then none of the others are prospects as I have hidden my profile! Most of the men on there who are within commuting distance of me are utterly gross. Don't know if the algorithm just assumes I am a bit of a munter and sends me all the crap! There are much better-looking men on the other apps.

I liked OkCupids system @TigerDater, as there's a questionnaire thing that gives you the amount of agreement you have on lots of questions covering basic dating etiquette through to sexual preferences.

You don't have to answer all the questions, and you can set which ones are important to you and which are not. It generates a lot of reading though, so perhaps not for the impatient swiper.

None of the men on pof in my recommended are anything like I would go for, all very odd.

Chatted a bit more to Mr Fence who is nice, but not online much. He's nice 🙂

This Mr Friend gets stranger, I really wonder what is wrong with him. As he chatted about his irons I chatted about mine too which was fine. Whilst talking about one of his irons he said she was nice but 'vulnerable ' and he really shouldn't be trusted around people like that. I tried to ask what he meant but he wouldn't answer.

Makes me wonder about lots of people on these sites!

He sounds like a total creep

Yes Menora, it's more curiosity with me as to how people work.

I’d still run a mile @bangheadhere40 - creeps just work like creeps.

Thank you those who gave me advice a few pages back about Mr IT. I stupidly carried on talking to him and then he did something spiteful to pay me back for having not done what we wanted. His true colours came out and it's definitely over now. He's blocked everywhere. I don't come on here much but I read the thread and appreciate the support - thank you.

What he wanted sorry

What happened with him? What did he do?

I hope you are ok. Blocking sounds sensible

I was chatting to Mr Return for bloody ages last night till I said I was too tired, he said he was too but doesn’t find it easy to end conversations! This is novel as usually apparently it is me who does this so giving me a taste of my own medicine 😂
I don’t want him to feel like I he can’t say ‘I’m busy’ or ‘I’m tired’ he also apologises if he hasn’t text me for a while - I worry a little that he might be an even bigger people pleaser/worrier than I am! We are a bit similar in a lot of ways which I don’t know if that is a good thing! I

I have a new iron - Mr Ad who seems to be ticking most of the boxes.

Concerns are he doesn’t currently have a car - I can see why as he lives and working in the city centre, however it’s very unattractive to me to think I would have to chauffeur him round everywhere. Is that unreasonable and princessy of me? I think it’s nice for a man to take me places on dates, it would take the shine of it if I had to drive us there!

I also can’t tell from the pics if he has bad teeth or not - I guess we’ll have to see in person.

He’s very lovely though and keen to take me out when lockdown is over.

@BooFuckingHoo2 I hope it's not my Mr Ad!

My Mr Ad doesn't have a car either (but can drive) and lives/works in a big city and it hasn't really been an issue so far. We met for our first date in a city half way between us and then either I drive to him or he gets the train to me. He is on my insurance now so can at least do some of the driving when we are together.

He is with me full time at the moment though, due to lockdown!

@sunsineandflipflops whoops sorry! Pretty sure it’s not as this one is on his own in his flat at the moment! Will think of a new name... he can be Mr York (disclaimer, he’s not from York )

@Menora it sounds a bit silly but what happened was that I didn't want to talk to him on the phone on Saturday night because I was tired and it was late, and he talks till 2am. His tone in texts was off through Sunday so I knew he was angry and he had his little boy with him so I didn't ring him that day. Last night we were chatting as normal, no indication that he was angry by now but he must have been seething underneath, and I mentioned some worries I had (oldest daughter is shielding, severe lung condition), and he absolutely turned on me. Told me I didn't care about his worries, no-one does, he's so lonely but I don't care because I've got friends, women are heartless and can find a man easily but no-one cares about middle aged men etc. Descended into insults and finished with "you're upset because you think you're not getting the sympathy you think you deserve. Diddums. Should have spoken to me on Saturday night shouldn't you." It's not the first time he's turned on me, I've gone back several times, but this time it's over for good.

@putastrawunderbaby .... wow, he sounds vile!

@putastrawunderbaby, that sounds unpleasant and unnecessary. You don't need someone like that in your life, no way. You've absolutely done the right thing blocking him. I'm at a loss to understand why some people behave as they do. Even if he's struggling with his own stuff at the moment he's going about getting support and understanding in completely the wrong way.