Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I hope everyone is doing ok. I’m struggling to find things to talk to mr g about 🤦‍♀️. What do people talk about on the phone for hour. I’ve known him like 4/5 months now so we know about each other’s jobs, families , friends, childhood etc. I’m working and he’s doing his new house up so not much to talk about there and neither of us really watch tv or films as don’t have time. We talk about plans generally but there’s not really anything definite or a time scale.

Can you play games?
With my friend person Mr Return we play quizzes with each other by asking random questions
I don’t know how thin this will wear in time 😂

I'm loving the last few pages. also because I spent the weekend reading threads from June 2019 onwards. I see so much growth( hope that isn't patronising?)

And many who were seemingly heartbroken by being ghosted or just other poor behaviour are positively thriving now.

I am still on the apps, but can't be bothered really.

I am not chasing anyone or accepting crumbs. The guy I really do fancy hasn't texted in 10 days and I have just accepted that as amazing as I am, he has found someone more amazing for him.

Not that this is an easy decision because I am craving companionship, I am craving intimacy, I have also self diagnosed myself with sex surge as I am horny ALL day and this is most unusual considering I opted for 4 years of celibacy after my divorce.

I know the one will come along and I am not going to settle in the mean time..

Sorry @Windmillwhirl I didn't mean to imply you're stupid I do apologise if it came across that way but I only meant me!
But yes I've decided that I am an amazing woman and I deserve to find an amazing man there must be one out there somewhere just not on tinder
And yes I really struggle to find things to talk about on the phone I'd much rather text someone
@myfabby I'm horny all the time as well hope you find someone just as amazing as you

@menora I was asking him some questions from a quiz I’d done with friends earlier in the evening. I want to think of things to get to know him better x

@Jane1978xx I joke around a lot, tell amusing stories about my friends (guess it helps to have bizarre friends 😂), we discuss the news agenda, TV, books, our families, swap workout tips as both gym freaks ... we are both very outgoing (since lockdown I have made friends with dog walkers while out jogging and befriended the bloke in the corner shop) so can talk for ages. But on messenger he is pretty to the point. Whereas I happily ramble on there too. His messaging style used to freak me out as a lack of interest but it's been the same for about 5 weeks now and he hasn't gone anywhere yet so think our messaging styles are just a bit mismatched. I basically write and talk for a living so I suppose it is natural for me to just bang on though 😂

@UtterSocks the difference in messaging styles in something that messed with my mind a bit recently with my iron Mr German. He is much more to the point as you'd expect and not drawn out chatty whereas I always say loads when I converse! When I reread our chat yesterday, it sounded very much like verbal diarreaah with a heavy dose of flirting from me (!) so I'm going to try and rein it in a bit and be cool .

@Eesha, exactly that 😂😂😂

So I am not flirting with my iron (only 1 left now 😂) but we are:
Talking about bucket list holidays, lottery win ideas
Podcasts and books
History
Also we do talk about some more in depth things but not too deep and they are fairly positive... kind of like morals and goals and stuff
Funny childhood things and our families

He chats quite a bit sometimes, then sometimes it’s more just funny random things. I’m a big talker but I am self conscious of it more now - I realise that I’ve been put down by men many times for being talkative with Mr M being the last one saying my stories ‘had no point to them’ and ‘rambled on’. So I always felt like I wanted to say things but didn’t, or rushed them and it made it worse and more rambling

So far it seems to flow well like it works with a friend. You are busy so don’t chat, then catch up when you are free. He has suggested meeting up when we are out of lockdown to see if we get on face to face. We have spoke on the phone once, he was shy and it was very funny. I think I do find him attractive visually on photo but I would need to see how that translated in person and he’s clearly thinking the exact same thing. He has a nice life he’s really got it together and he’s a positive person (so far). We did talk for a few weeks back in January/Feb but then I was with wank sock so faded out but I’m glad I got back in touch with him. It feels weirdly grown up 😂

@Menora he sounds lovely, I'm sure you'll get on in person if this good now

I've just had a run-in with a POF idiot. He'd obviously read all my profile because he made a comment about it. But he's 100+miles away and my profile clearly states that I'm only interested in chatting to local people.

I could've just ignored him but he'd made an effort in his message. So I replied but pointed out that he was too far away.

He then accused me of being rude, miserable and sad. So I couldn't resist replying and pointed out he'd being rude to deliberately ignore the important bit of my profile.
In the end I had to block him as he just ranted about how rude I was when he just being friendly

Tell me I'm not being crazy. Was I rude to point out that there was no point in us chatting?

It depends how you pointed it out echo. Something along the lines of ‘thanks for your lovely thoughtful message. It’s a shame we live so far apart!’ ?

I answered the other bit of his message, which was jokey.
Then I said "but you haven't read my profile properly because you're too far away".

I probably was a bit blunt but I just thought, why bother to message me when it's clear you're too far away for me.

If I hadn't written the bit in my profile about distance, then I would've answered slightly differently.
But I wouldn't say "shame you're too far away". I've made that mistake before and I get told that distance is nothing, they're prepared to travel etc etc

Yes, I get that echo. I was just seeking an explanation for his reaction really. He did at least put the effort into a message, that’s rare enough, so maybe he hoped for at least a friendly chat rather than the blunt response (in among the friendly chat). It’s difficult, everyone is increasingly fragile as this lockdown goes on and emotions -loneliness, hurt - can flare up. Or he’s just an idiot

I was way too conscientious about replying to everyone early doors but found myself having to back out of conversations I had started. It seemed rude to ignore people but then totally time consuming to write carefully worded replies to say thanks but no thanks essentially. I like the facility on Tinder just to unmatch. It feels less personal.
I am not using any apps or sites at the moment. Talking every day to Mr Van, did an online pub quiz together on Saturday night. He's a talker when he's happy and clearly someone who retracts when he has something on his mind. Last hiccup was over his financial position but he's back at work so seems okay again.
Mr Cocky and I are messaging away all day but I find I am bailing on the chats because I know my focus is on Mr Van. One or two others bobbling around in the background. Nothing will shift now until we can get out and test the water again.

Just checking in - have been keeping up with the thread and nice to hear some of us still have irons to speak to. I've been chatting to Mr Mobile since before lock-down and managed to get a couple of dates in too which went V V well (we DTD)
We have a video chat each evening and sometimes also text during the day. Like others have said its tricky to think of new ways to keep the conversation going - but in all honesty we just tend to ramble on about our days - what we've seen on the news and other bits and pieces. We've also tried a bit of "ask me anything" messages. I don't think there's any point having more meaningful conversations at the moment - as so far we know we get on in person and want to see each other again so at the moment that's enough for me.

Currently debating weather to delete the apps - am currently in hidden mode and whenever I've found an iron before I've deleted the apps as I don't get on well with multiple chatting - however feels like deleting them will jinx the good thing I currently have going!

Lets hope Lock-down starts to get lifted soon. I'm not holding out for pub or restaurant visits but a face to face meet up over a take away I'm desperate for!

TigerDater judging by his full on rant at me, I'd say he was an idiot.
I apologised (don't know why) and said I didn't intend to be rude, just pointing out that he'd missed an important bit of my profile.

That set him off even more! I don't think he liked me pointing out where he'd gone wrong.

Which leaves me with the question. Should I be less blunt and politely point out their mistake? However, he'd chosen to ignore a vital part of my profile so why should I be careful about how phrase things just in case he gets upset?
Normally I ignore, but he had put a bit of effort in.

That’s a fair point echo. Why he chose to ignore the distance criterion is anyone’s guess, but did it cause any harm really? It sounds to me like he was lonely and just wanted to chat, so I probably would have let him down kindly.

Initially. Once the ranting started, that would have been it!

Fair enough. I thought because I'd answered his initial message in a jokey way (his message was jokey as well) then followed up with my comment about the distance, that would soften my message.
Obviously not!

I put the distance criteria in because I get so many message from men who are miles away. I used to reply and say no thanks, too far. But then they would argue with me.
I could just ignore them. I thought having in my profile would at least stop most of them. It hasn't!

@EchoElephant i think you are overthinking, there will always be odd bods there and you don't know their situation either. Onwards and upwards!

Thanks Eesha. You're right. He just really rattled me.

@EchoElephant Your reply seemed ok to me but I guess, like @TigerDater opined up thread, in these times people are reaching out more to just talk with others they feel might be on the same wavelength, particularly if they're lonely already and he may have seen something that got him particularly excited.

I think politeness should be the default rather than bluntness, but equally I can see with that guy that he is being oversensitive. If I made a mistake like that and got your response, I'd say 'oops, sorry, take care'. Slightly in his defence PoF is an utter dogs breakfast when it comes to gleaning important information.

The distance thing is in the first line of my profile. He read past that and picked up something else to send me a message about. And he admitted that he'd seen it but didn't think it was important. That was the point I blocked him.

But I do often wonder how POF chooses which profiles to show you. I've looked who's viewed me and 99% are over 30 miles away. Which means local men aren't looking at my profile or I'm not showing in their searches/matches for some reason.