Dating Thread 188 - Living and Loving in the Lockdown

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Anyone else getting an advert for 25% off bottoms 😂

The 10 people thing is an interesting concept, I imagine it would cause lots of arguments for lots of people.

I had my first rugby training session since lockdown began, such a relief, but also strange having to be at least two metres away from each other and not being able to use sleds etc.

We went to see the Highbury cats today and the Finsbury elephants who are recovering from last years crash. I mean, how often do you go out just to look at a hedge?!

Did anyone watch gogglebox last night? It had a ‘dating’ show on (netflix), we watched it last night, the word predators came to mind. Genuinely where do they find these people?

@tafelberg thanks, that's an interesting read!

Mr Vegan sent me a surprise food delivery because I've been feeling a bit down this last couple of days. No reason, I'm just struggling a bit with lockdown now. We've been on the phone all evening and even just sat and watched a film on Netflix "together". I really like him but then after, I put Spotify on and mine and exh's first dance song came on and now the doubts come flooding back. Did I do the right thing leaving exh? (of course I did, but the feeling is still there). What if he leaves me? Why do I feel so much guilt around this 'relationship'? I think I must really like him more than what my brain is letting me, otherwise why would I be so paranoid that he's just going to start ignoring me one day. It's not rational at all! I'm also really scared that the isolation is causing my depression to come back and maybe that is numbing my feelings somewhat.

Sorry for my brain splatter there.

So many old irons (well, three) coming out of the woodwork desperate for a shag! They’re all lovely and I have to say I’m a bit tempted, Mr GN is so far away and I don’t know when I’ll see him again. I won’t, obviously, but crikey this lockdown has left me frustrated as hell

@SimonJT you completely lost me there. What’s that about cats, elephants and hedges?

There is some really good topiary in Highbury and Finsbury park. They must have taken years to get to their finished stage.

Wow they’re fabulous!

@SimonJT yes I have that advert too!

How did you have rugby training?

@CheesecakeAddict I feel what you are saying but if they are talking to us they like us. I think men are different to women (sorry men on here) in that they say what they want to when they want to and don’t think about it. But if they continue contact and are interested in what we have to say they are interested x

I am a little bit tipsy and spoke to mr g on the phone. I feel like we both can’t say what we really want to. I just said I want to go back to the last time we saw each other and drink porn star martini and eat pepperoni pizza and have sexy on the living room floor. And he agreed and that means a lot. I do miss him loads 😢

Sex not sexy 🤦‍♀️

Please feel free to ignore me as I'm just venting.
Just saw a story Mr Army posted on Instagram of him having a BBQ this afternoon with a few of his work mates (they all live on camp etc so aren't breaking any rules) and it made me feel sad and down. Apart from more work and not being able to see family nothing has really changed for him, he can still socialize with his work makes outside of work because as they all live on camp the whole camp is treated like one household. I wish it was him and I having the BBQ, laughing and joking around.
Suppose I'm feeling more down about it as I have him 6 or so weeks notice so he would definitely be free for my birthday and now I don't really see any point in remembering the day.
Like everyone is feeling with their irons I just miss him so much. I just want to see him again. I had a long list of dates I wanted to do with him (ever the planner), not sure when we will get to do them. I want to go back to the last time I saw him, snuggled up watching a film (Hitch) which I had never seen before and guessing the plot and ending within the first 10 minutes. I seem to always do that with films or say what's going to happen next. He must really have the patience of a saint to out up with me doing that and never moaning. He just asked how I knew what was going to happen and if I'm sure I haven't watched it before.

It's next Saturday before anyone starts wishing me happy birthday.
I know logically that he should still be enjoying his time and spending time with his friends but I just wish it was me he was spending time with.
It's a hold head Vs heart debate

@Dancerinthemoonlight have you told him how you feel ? Are you having phone dates ?

Same question as Jane asked
Are you spending any time together either on the phone or chatting and ‘dating’ from afar?

We talk every day now and 2 nights we’ll both get a drink and talk for a few hours. That is so much better than second guessing texts etc. And tell him you miss him and talk about plans

He knows I can't wait to see him again and that I miss him. We have talked on the phone once which was nice but it's not the same as being with him. Going to have a video call next Saturday so I'm looking forward to it
I have given up trying to talk about plans for future dates because it's the same it will be a while. It's like he doesn't trust himself to look forward to it

I'm still in contact with my on off iron/bf (?) who sometimes treats me badly but I keep going back. Last night I wanted to go to bed early and he wanted to talk on the phone. I know if we talk it will go on for hours and I won't get to bed till the early hours and he has his ds there for the first time in weeks so I said no. He was annoyed because I'd had two long chats in the day with dad and my best friend. He turned his phone off and this morning is being short with me. If I say anything he'll deny it. It's like arguing with smoke.

@putastrawunderbaby why are you bothering? He doesn't sound very nice when it's meant to be nice at those initial stages.

Because I don't believe deep down there will be anyone else @Eesha. I'm volunteering at the moment and met someone for the first time who looked at me and said oh I know you, you've been on the dating apps for years haven't you? And he's right, it's been 3 years. I'm feeling like I'm 50 and this is it.

@putastrawunderbaby thats a really sad thing to say. Surely it's better to be alone than have someone drain you like that. I know it's easy for me to say when people are feeling lonely but all I know is someone should be adding value to your life rather than taking it away. You have a chance to take a step back rather than put yourself through crappy times so you should take it.

@dancemom You just do non-contact stuff, so footwork, weighted runs, set pieces etc.

I agree that it’s better to be on your own than try to be with someone who makes you feel lonely
Easier said than done I know but when I look back at people who have drained me I really don’t miss them

Hi guys it's so hard isn't it not being able to see people! I've had a fwb since January only been able to see him every other weekend and I know he always wants to see more of me but I can't due to living an hour away and having children ( he lives alone)
Recently the chats/phonecalls have dwindled to hardly anything we are still in contact but feel like I can't give him what he wants and he's looking for someone who can but keeping me on the back burner. His activity on whatsapp has suddenly increased over the weekend and I know I shouldn't let my insecurities get to me but it's pretty obvious he's chatting to another woman, I know it could be completely innocent but we all know when your gut tells you it's probably true 🙁

@TigerDater are you sure it's just them looking for a shag ? I've had a terrible weekend tormenting myself with concerns about a particular woman and though I haven't got in touch, if I did it would be genuine and down to the way the world is right now and not opportunistic.

@putastrawunderbaby Do you have children? If so would you want them to be with someone who treated them poorly? If it isn’t good enough for them it isn’t good enough for you.