Older men are sad pervs?

[Emerald46]

I've read the entire 'Age Gap' thread on here and just feel depressed! Why do men, often in their late forties/early fifties decide now is the time in their life to get together with a much younger woman and is it wrong?

I 'feel' it's wrong but some of the people I've discussed it with have a very ' oh women just like older men' view. I know the reasons why this happens - patriarchy, us all being fed a diet of sexism on films over years and years of attractive older men being flirted with by much younger, scantily clad women etc etc. I know in the bad old days, women weren't encouraged to aspire for a career or financial independence as much as today so older men seemed a safer bet security-wise but....surely that's all in the past now??

I did online dating about six years ago and on match.com and 'my single friend' the men almost always specified 'acceptable' age range for the women they would date to be from much younger - say 20-odd years - up to (if we are lucky) their own age. I didn't join those sites but when I got chatting to men on POF, the men often said things like, "Well women are just as bad, I got a message from a woman in her 60s!!!"....this would be from a man in his 50s. So, he wouldn't consider chatting to a woman10 years younger either then because a ten year gap would be ridiculous? " Oh yes, but women tend to like older men" was the stock reply. It just irritated me so much.

But am I wrong to think this is misogynistic/sexist/sad/pathetic?

I don't think all couples should be aged within a few years of each other. I just find it sad that so many men seem to specifically look for much younger women but never older women. And why do young women date these men?

I'm not bitter - I'm in a happy, long-term (I hope!) relationship with a lovely man (one year younger than me) but I'm curious. And a bit despondent about the male species tonight...

My Husband is 30 years older than me....and yes you read that correctly I am just turned 31 and he is 60
We have been together for 7 years and have children together and are very very happy.

I have friends who are in relationships with people their age and are having terrible relationships

I'm sorry but age is just a number

@Mum2Girls19 I think this is fantastic how this has worked out for you!

I think it is a lot more common for older man to be a bit pervy, when I visited my grandmother at her nursing home, if I ever brought a female friend they would get comments or looks and say how uncomfortable they felt, maybe it's a generational thing and our generation of older men may be better?

Though if it's how some of my friends treat women I wouldn't hold my breath.

A 93 year old man is about to marry a 24 year old girl...

He goes to his doctor and asks for a Viagra prescription after telling the doctor his situation with an impending new young bride.

His doctor warns him: “ Given the length of time that you have abstained from sex, I’ve got to warn you- sex could prove to be fatal.”

“Doc”, says the old man, “if she dies, she dies.”

Big belly laugh at the thought of professional accomplishments. Women are comparing what they might find attractive to men's choices. They're different.its like looking through a pair of binoculars the wrong way round and complaining they're not working properly.
Songs have been written for millennia about female beauty, never about accomplishments.
So beauty, youthful looks will attract more opportunities for women and will attract men of all ages, including older men.

Tiffany, I agree with you but I know women like this! I have a friend who seems to think men are attracted/impressed by her career and intellectual ability. I don't think so!

I was at exactly the same place in my life as my husband who is 17 years older than me when we met.. and we went on to enter our first marriage together, buy our first house have our first children... firsts for both of us... not just as a couple.

This in spades. I met someone who was at the same stage in life I was at and we went through firsts together. I was ready to settle down and have a family so was he. He could have been 25 or 47 it wouldn't have mattered, what mattered was he was looking for the same things I was so the 15 year age gap wasnt a problem.

I do think like one poster said upthread about it not being fair to get traded in at 40 or men your age not wanting to date their own age or trading their wife for a younger OW, makes all younger women dating/marrying older men the problem or querying their motive but maybe that's how they felt at 25 not being able to provide enough security for a woman their age to take them as a serious prospect and being dumped for someone else who has it together.

My DH spent his 20s working hard on his career and sacrificed and lost relationships as a result (and I'm sure was immature and selfish too) by his mid thirties, most women his age were divorced, already had children and wanted 1 more or non at all, just a General mismatch of life stages. I honestly could have been in my late thirties or early 40s (which I'm sure he would have preferred) it wouldn't have mattered just as long as I was at the same life stage we would have still ended up married.

Unfortunately biology means less risks for men when they delay milestones such as marriage whereas as a woman you have to deal with declining fertility.

Sorry to reprise but thought I should share this, in the spirit of all the recent age-gap talk:

www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-8402039/Georgian-men-lusted-middle-aged-women-valued-experienced.html

I guess I'm surprised that any woman would want a man so much older because to me it suggests said man doesn't want an equal/is shallow

Why would you equate age with equality?

Have you considered the possibility that an older man might even feel inferior, or insecure about a younger woman? That's just as valid as making the assumption he's shallow and looking to manipulate someone younger.

It's quite an offensive view actually. You've argued that women are perfectly at liberty to date who they like, and yet at the same time struggle to accept such a decision.

I think you will find countless men and women who have found partners who they might say "wouldn't have thought about 'on paper'" and yet the simply hit it off and fell in love, or just have a great relationship with. It's absolutely no different if that person is black, white, male, female, older or younger. If you have the mutual chemistry, you have it.