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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband says I smell

173 replies

bluespirals · 14/04/2020 17:52

I've been living in a miserable, almost sexless marriage devoid of intimacy for too long. I've got to the point where I blame myself, I think I must be unattractive and it's not just my husband who doesn't want me, no man would want to.

I could cope with no sex if the rest of the relationship was good, but he spends all his time on his computer and gaming. I believe he is impotent and has other health issues that cause a lack of libido, but he won't speak to the doctor about it despite it going on for about 3 years. When we would have sex he would get extremely tired very quickly and feel ill afterwards.

I do not ask or nag for sex, but I have brought it up as part of general discussions about our relationship. I've said I'm unhappy, it's making me depressed and I cant live like this for the rest of my life. That I would like him to seek medical help for whatever is stopping things. He always shouts at me and dismisses my feelings.

We have had sex twice this year but both times only a few minutes as he became tired and lost his erection.

Today I told him I don't think I can be with him anymore if he doesn't care about my feelings, I'm so miserable and would be happier alone. That I feel so unwanted and don't deserve to be in a miserable marriage like this, I'm not even 30. He then said he finds the smell from my vagina off putting during sex and I'm disgusting.

He's never mentioned this before so I don't know if he's saying it to be hurtful or if this is true. Yes there is a faint odour at certain points of the month but isn't that normal?

I just feel so unsexy and horrible

OP posts:
Hunnybears · 14/04/2020 21:32

He’s a test OP. I bet you smell perfectly normal but ha just saying that to project his insecurity.

If it did smell then done cream from the docs and you’d be back smelling fine again. I’m sure most of us have had episodes where they smell a bit off. The way he told you though was so nasty.

You deserve far better Op

Hunnybears · 14/04/2020 21:33

Twat* not a test

frumpety · 14/04/2020 22:25

He really is a flaccid knob OP!

Is he older than you ? Is he overweight ? , the getting tired with minimal exertion is a worry. Has he ever complained of any chest pain/discomfort ?

But back to him being a flaccid knob, I think you need to cut your losses, he doesn't care enough about you to be married to you.

AlexisCarringtonColbyDexter · 14/04/2020 22:50

I find it very hard to believe the OP hasn't smelt it herself if she has BV- its a very pungent smell and often causes irritation too.

I think its far more likely you smell absolutely normal and he's flinging mysogynistic insults at you to compensate for his erectile dysfunction and feelings of emasculation and inadequacy.

Saying you smell down there is such a juvenile, cliched insult that only the most revolting mysogynists use. They hate women and its the most hurtful thing they can think of to say. It ridiculous and highly hypocritical considering how gross some men smell in that area themselves! Everyone has a natural musky odour and its completely normal. Its not natural for us to smell of roses or soap or bleach! anyway.

My guess is he's gay, cant admit it, hates himself for it so is transferring all that hatred and blame for his ED onto you.

Dump him. You deserve SO much better.

IHaveBrilloHair · 14/04/2020 23:16

I'm actually quite shocked at so many posters assuming there is a smell.
It's so highly unlikely the OP wouldn't notice, and would have no other symptoms, but if that did happen, surely a decent partner would be kind about it anyway?

IHaveBrilloHair · 14/04/2020 23:18

If he is gay, then I pity his next male partner, because he's clearly a nasty bastard too.

chickenyhead · 14/04/2020 23:25

OMG

How did you not keep your head?

He doesn't like your smell, you don't want his limp penis. KICK HIM TO THE KERB

Lucked · 14/04/2020 23:27

I am sure you just smell like a women. Whether he is gay or has become used to odourless women on a screen through porn it is his problem and shouldn’t be yours.

Enough time wasted, I think you would have a happier more fulfilling life on your own but hopefully you will meet someone who wants all of you. This relationship is over.

Deadringer · 15/04/2020 00:16

He sounds horrible. He doesn't care about you or your feelings and it sounds like he doesn't like women much. Get rid.

Geppili · 15/04/2020 00:19

He is a gay, impotent, sadistic gaslighting misogynist. Divorce him please. I bet you are lovely and he is blighting you're precious life! Thanks

SandAndSea · 15/04/2020 00:29

In a few years, this could all be a distant memory. Don't waste another precious moment.

Emerald46 · 15/04/2020 00:53

Tell him he smells of shit and then dump him (outside) x

ladybird69 · 15/04/2020 01:32

I’ve been in your position @bluespirals and have been pulling my hair out thinking how to give you advice (my marriage was full of abuse) what @Emerald46 Said is just what I wish I’d have said to him, instead of getting upset. Get rid of him you’re so young, life should be fun not a trial. Xxx

Joliany · 15/04/2020 01:36

Yes it is normal to have a faint odour op. Your DH is a shitbag and he's trying to deflect his issues on to you, when it's him that's the problem. Get rid and find yourself a happier life without him.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/04/2020 01:41

OP just get rid of him. Life's too short you're wasting your good years on an uncouth man, furthermore letting a useless man such as he, define your worth. I say that because from your post there's just no saving grace whatsoever. Nothing you can discuss, he doesn't want to know. Your man is ignorant, he doesn't like you, you dont have a relationship so staying with him makes no sense at all.

Strangely enough men like that don't like it when you leave. You are supposed to stay so they can make you feel like shit, to cover their own failings.

Sadiesnakes · 15/04/2020 02:10

He's a porn addled looser op.

Lynda07 · 15/04/2020 03:03

Emerald46 Wed 15-Apr-20 00:53:13
Tell him he smells of shit and then dump him (outside) x
.........

That made me laugh out loud, Emerald, very good advice! Except that we are currently in lockdown so probably not an option. However, eventually it will be.

I agree the op is far too young to be settling for this. Thank goodness they have no chlldren which will make it easier to part.

MrsDoylesTeaBags · 15/04/2020 09:18

Thing is even if your partner did have ED, if you're in a loving relationship he would still try to maintain some intimacy and if you did have a problem like BV he would approach it in a caring mature way, he wouldn't choose to humiliate you like that.

Regardless of his sexuality, he does not respect you or love you and life is too short for that.

SVRT19674 · 15/04/2020 12:41

Awful. I think he is deflecting and you are not compatible sexually. Go your separate ways. there is someone out there who will love you and cant get enough of you. Bin him

CrystalAlligator · 15/04/2020 19:23

fuckoffImcounting

Smell of the ocean? Jesus. If you smell like fish you have a vaginal infection and might wanna get that treated at the GP. I’m not joking. It’s a myth that healthy vaginas smell fishy!

To the PP who asked whether I told my friend about her vaginal odour, it was a tricky one as she was the girlfriend of a friend of mine. I did speak to him as it was so severe and gently suggested he mention it to her. He said he hadn’t been able to be intimate with her for months because of it, at the start of the relationship he’d kinda held his breath and tried to ignore it but as time moved on he became increasingly turned off and then things just ground to a halt. They broke up for other reasons a while later and I don’t think she knows still that she smells so awful but I don’t think it’d be appropriate for me, her ex’s friend, to tell her, and an anonymous message would just be so nasty and hurtful. I really hope someone closer to her does tell her :(

AnnUumellemahaye · 15/04/2020 19:26

I'm actually quite shocked at so many posters assuming there is a smell. It's so highly unlikely the OP wouldn't notice

You'd think so, wouldn't you? But given the amount of people that stink of BO it's clearly not the case. Sadly.

CrystalAlligator · 15/04/2020 19:37

I’m shocked at how many people have completely decided there isn’t a smell. It’s not unusual. Many women become nose blind if they don’t realise they have an infection. Just look at a poster above saying the ‘smell of the ocean’ is a sign all is healthy and well. The idea that a fishy smell is a normal vaginal odour is clearly ingrained to many.

You only have to use public toilets to realise many women have a gynae health issue they’re either not aware of or hopefully are being treated for. People saying a vaginal odour is normal are correct. But it’s not usually as strong or unpleasant enough to be offputting.

katiie3 · 15/04/2020 20:34

I’m so sorry he said this. He has his own demons and is trying to distract you

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