Husband says I smell

[bluespirals]

I've been living in a miserable, almost sexless marriage devoid of intimacy for too long. I've got to the point where I blame myself, I think I must be unattractive and it's not just my husband who doesn't want me, no man would want to.

I could cope with no sex if the rest of the relationship was good, but he spends all his time on his computer and gaming. I believe he is impotent and has other health issues that cause a lack of libido, but he won't speak to the doctor about it despite it going on for about 3 years. When we would have sex he would get extremely tired very quickly and feel ill afterwards.

I do not ask or nag for sex, but I have brought it up as part of general discussions about our relationship. I've said I'm unhappy, it's making me depressed and I cant live like this for the rest of my life. That I would like him to seek medical help for whatever is stopping things. He always shouts at me and dismisses my feelings.

We have had sex twice this year but both times only a few minutes as he became tired and lost his erection.

Today I told him I don't think I can be with him anymore if he doesn't care about my feelings, I'm so miserable and would be happier alone. That I feel so unwanted and don't deserve to be in a miserable marriage like this, I'm not even 30. He then said he finds the smell from my vagina off putting during sex and I'm disgusting.

He's never mentioned this before so I don't know if he's saying it to be hurtful or if this is true. Yes there is a faint odour at certain points of the month but isn't that normal?

I just feel so unsexy and horrible

As @BadDaughter01says, run and don’t look back. If you are under 30 you have plenty of time to rebuild your life and find someone worthy of you.

He's trying to make this issue about you when it is ALL him.

LTB, only way to be happy in the long term.

Oh OP just leave him and get a man who likes the scent of a vagina.
Most of them can't get enough of it.

I too think he's probably gay.
You're not even thirty. Far too young for this shit!

If it sets your mind at rest, see your GP or a gynecologist at some point.

But it's far more likely that he went for a low blow or an outright lie to hurt you because of his own inadequacies/problems. He's probably attacking your self esteem so you'll be as miserable as him. And do you want to deal with it anymore?

Either he dislikes all women sexually, or you specifically. But he doesn't want to have sex with you, you know this now. So make your decisions about what you want to do next.

I'm in a relationship with a man with ED. I don't think I've ever had such a rewarding sex life. Let's just say he is very inventive. I'm just saying this to let you know that with the right attitude physical impotence does not need to be the death knell to a relationship. However in your case your partner does not have the right attitude. In fact if anything in this relationship stinks it is his attitude!
By all means get checked out but he really does sound like he needs to be left alone to play on his devices full time while you go out and restart your life without him.

Dump him. One of the ways of testing compatibility between a couple is that they enjoy each others' smells under various circumstances. I think he is wasting your time. Dump him, and find someone who likes you.

Potential double standard here.
I’ve lost count of the number of threads on here from women whose husbands want sex with them but they don’t want it because they’re tired, or because their husband smells and doesn’t look after himself. They are always told that they shouldn’t feel obliged to have sex with someone who repulses them, and that it’s up to the husband to make himself less unappealing.

I also often read threads from people saying it’s fine to shower once every few days.

So, silly question but do you wash daily? Because the only time I ever notice a smell on myself is at the end of the day if I haven’t showered since the morning. So if you wash but you still notice a smell even after a shower, then that can be a sign of infection.

You can get BV test in any pharmacy - takes about 10 seconds to do.

It sounds as if he phrased it harshly though, which is nasty and unnecessary.

He's being horrible, and if he isn't willing to work on your relationship and deal with intimacy issues then you should walk, you're young and yu deserve more than this.
I guarantee you that there's nothing wrong with how you smell - that seems to be something that men throw at women to out them down. It baffles me that they use that, as a gay woman who's slept with many women I've never come across a woman who had a 'bad' smell.
It might be time to cut your losses with this one, if he won't address his problems, he sounds depressed,

Hes obviously embarrassed so has said it to try and deflect it onto you!

Well done for saying something...you deserve better. If he was trying to improve the situation by seeking help then fair enough. But hes not, so go and find your happy!!! :) x

If OP had BV she’d know - she’d be well aware of the smell.

This is about a man who is either being deliberately nasty, or has an issue with the perfectly normal odour of a clean vulva/vagina. Either of which is as bad as the other.

This isn’t a happy relationship. Life’s too short to live it trapped with someone who doesn’t cherish, love and appreciate you.

Vagina's aren't supposed to smell 'floral' or perfumed. If he doesn't like the way your body smells then intimacy will be an issue. I love the way DW smells, including at the end of the day or first thing in the morning...

This does read like a deflection to me, as many PP have said, if there really was a smell and he cared about you he would have found a nicer way to tell you much sooner.

He sounds like my Ex. When I calmly raised our completely nonexistent sex life (after a year and a half of trying to spice things up for him - thinking it was my ‘job’ to appear desirable to him) he let his true colours show. He told me I was too fat (hadn’t mentioned any weight issues previously and he was hardly slim!) that he wasn’t attractive to him but he still loved me (he didn’t, he just loved the wage I pulled in) and to go and “find a crack head if sex was all that mattered”.... suffice to say I left him a few weeks later.

I was in my late teens when I met him, left him at the age of 26 - 7 years I’ll never get back but I’ve learnt from the mistakes of that time and won’t ever make them again! Get out of there OP and enjoy your life.

If he had an off-putting smell and this put you off being close to him what would you have done?

I'm guessing that you wouldn't have waited years without having sex before mentioning it or finding ways for the two of you to deal with it.

It is unlikely that 'smell' -real or imagined- is actually the problem.

He might be gay. He might just not like sex. He really isn't good at it.

More generally , he is certainly not a wonderful partner.
Is the relationship worth sorting all this out?
I would think it would be easy for you to find someone much better.

I wasn’t attractive to him*

Oh and I found out my Ex was watching the vilest porn very regularly whilst I was secretly planning my exit!

How old were you when you married him and why? He can't have covered up his awful personality all the time you were dating and engaged, surely? No red flags?
I'm guessing no DC with him?
Get your bags packed and move on from this horrid loser.

Murder is illegal so leave him. Blaming you for his problems is cheap.

Just make sure you don't go trying to 'clean' your fandango with anything other than warm water, no douches, or any of that crap that's suppose to leave it all 'fresh'... there's nowt wrong with your smell - of he doesn't like the smell of a normal fanny that's his issue not yours.

What an absolute turd of a person. Get rid of the massive loser. You deserve someone lovely

@NaviSprite, yep, porn can definitely affect sexual interest. I can think of two couples who have a sexless marriage however, the men both regularly get off on porn. One of the men has a special interest in a very messy type of porn.

If this was true, surely a halfway decent husband would be concerned you might have a health issue and broach it in a much kinder way? Wouldn't he even bring it up himself and suggest she see a GP? If it was true would he be so hurtful and harsh about it?

So for that nah, what he's saying isn't true and he's just a nasty self projecting prick. Get rid of limp dick and show your vag what it's been missing.

Haven't read the whole thread, but I've skimmed it and have read several others like it. This 'issue' (or pretended issue) sadly makes a fairly common appearance on this forum. And it seems, in almost every case, these negative references to a woman's smell are a 'go-to' attack point for would-be abusers or, at the very least, a get-out clause in partnerships which have become too toxic to be sustainable.

It's the ultimate way to humiliate a woman. I couldn't be with a man who thought this behaviour was in any way okay. No wonder you feel so insecure: it's a horrible thing to do to someone and I could not come back from any partner saying such a thing.

This is not about you. It's about him.

He sounds awful OP. How cruel and hurtful! Agree wihh previous posters that it's him not you.