Husband says I smell

[bluespirals]

I've been living in a miserable, almost sexless marriage devoid of intimacy for too long. I've got to the point where I blame myself, I think I must be unattractive and it's not just my husband who doesn't want me, no man would want to.

I could cope with no sex if the rest of the relationship was good, but he spends all his time on his computer and gaming. I believe he is impotent and has other health issues that cause a lack of libido, but he won't speak to the doctor about it despite it going on for about 3 years. When we would have sex he would get extremely tired very quickly and feel ill afterwards.

I do not ask or nag for sex, but I have brought it up as part of general discussions about our relationship. I've said I'm unhappy, it's making me depressed and I cant live like this for the rest of my life. That I would like him to seek medical help for whatever is stopping things. He always shouts at me and dismisses my feelings.

We have had sex twice this year but both times only a few minutes as he became tired and lost his erection.

Today I told him I don't think I can be with him anymore if he doesn't care about my feelings, I'm so miserable and would be happier alone. That I feel so unwanted and don't deserve to be in a miserable marriage like this, I'm not even 30. He then said he finds the smell from my vagina off putting during sex and I'm disgusting.

He's never mentioned this before so I don't know if he's saying it to be hurtful or if this is true. Yes there is a faint odour at certain points of the month but isn't that normal?

I just feel so unsexy and horrible

He’s saying it to twist the blame onto you and also to crush your confidence so that you don’t feel able to leave him and, eventually, find someone new.

LTB. Horrible cruel thing to say.

He’s either gay or impotent. He’s trying to deflect attention
Get rid of him

Sounds like he has sexual issues that he isn't addressing perhaps you do smell? I presume you shower daily etc?

Try not the get upset and speak to him calmly. Ask him to go and get help for his erectile dysfunction. It's a really common problem but highly complex mentally for men. He needs help

He is not willing to face up to the fact that he has health issues that need dealing with so instead has made it your fault.

Hes lying.
He has no respect for you or your relationship.

I would seriously think about what you want out of life and what would make you happy.

Truth is unless you have an infection the smell from your vagina should not be a bad smell so if he says he finds it disgusting then staying together is pointless.

I would start by offering to support him to seek medical support and if he refuses then I would be making plans to end the marriage as soon as you are able.

I am sorry OP he is being cruel.

It probably smells of sex, and as he doesn't seem to like sex probably best to get rid.

Rather game than fuck, loser.

He’s cruel and nasty. Do men like this suffer from the delusion that their downstairs meat platter smells like Parma violets?

You’re young, get out and don’t waste any more time on the tosser.

Oh good lord!

You really really don’t want sex with a man where the rest of the relationship is so cold and unrewarding.

Unless you don’t wash or you have an infection, your vulva and vagina do not smell.

If he was attentive, loving and desired you, you would feel sexy.

So.... leave this relationship, he has had his chance to sort out his erectile dysfunction, he isn’t kind, it isn’t a healthy relationship, and spend a little time getting to know yourself through your own eyes before finding someone who thinks you are the bees knees.

Wow - he sounds vile.

Time to end this and move on and look after yourself.

So lets say you did get it checked, there was a problem (which I think is highly unlikely) and you had it treated. WhyTAF would you want to have sex with this asshole ever again? I am so sad that you are going through this and you aren't even 30. Assuming you don't have kids please make plans to leave.

He is definitely deflecting, it’s not you, it’s him. I would leave him, find someone who adores you.

I spent my mid 20s onwards primarily with men with impotence/premature ejaculation. Don't waste your youth and life! Realize what you're missing out on, break free and find someone capable.

And the vagina comment was awful and designed to try and shame you. xx

What a cheek! Think he is doing anything to take the blame off himself. Sorry, but don’t live like that for too much longer.

He actually said that? Unbelievable. You need to have a talk and he needs to apologise. Sorry about this happening to you

I was also thinking that your being a woman is the real issue here. You really do need to LTB for the sake of your future happiness (and don’t give what he said another thought).

Oh what an awful man.

Leave. Don't look back.

He's gay.

Get rid.

i don't think it's right to assume hes deflecting.
There have been times where I've been very put off having sex due to previous partners smell too and have had to have awkward but as discreetly / politely worded conversations about washing before sex, as they're naturally just more scented than others! my works toilets are enough to make me think a LOT of women have problems they dont realise.

it made me paranoid about my own too, so I use the vaginosis gel you get just from boots maybe once a month which seems to keep it smelling of nothing apparently..

that's just a spin technique which he is using to upset you and deflect your attention away from the real source of the problem, he's choosing to attack you rather than fess up to the truth.

Okay. Because none of is knows if it's true or not (despite most posters responding as if they've had their nose up there), get yourself checked out at the docs, then dump the bloke.

I wouldn't be at all surprised if he's gay. But so that his accusation doesn't make a home in the back of your mind and interferes with future relationships, get checked out.

That sounds so miserable, I was expecting you to say you were in your 50s and it used to be ok, please do yourself and massive favour and leave him, you will be so much happier.

DO get checked for BV. But it sounds like he is the one with however many underlying issues.

I have a similar issue at home. Though it's been since last September I think, for us. I make barely any effort because he can't keep himself hygienic.

I've had myself tested for BV this year. Because it doesn't help. But he won't get any help with his issues, and he won't change anything.

I would just go do the BV test, and at least it'll show him what a grown up you are and what an utter child he is over this.

I rarely use this word but what an absolute cunt. Leave him, leave him NOW. You don't deserve this!!!

Sounds like it is the opposite of being about you. I doubt your husband would be able to perform or feel at ease/attracted with any woman.

Do you love your husband? Is there something about this marriage that makes it worth saving?
.

He has said that to hurt you in an attempt to get you to stop trying to discuss your lack of sex life. Such an obvious deflection. His shame and lack of interest in tackling the problem would be enough for me to leave, the misogynistic vagina comment is something there's no way I could come back from. Don't waste your life on this useless, nasty prick.

Find someone who finds you irresistible!
Life is too short at any age to be in a loveless relationship but your not even 30 yet!

To play devil's advocate - if he genuinely has an impotence problem and you have brought up the lack of sex on a few occasions it might be making him feel more like crap so he is pushing you away on purpose so you don't try and have sex with him.

As soon as this is over leave him, buy a new sexy dress, hit the town with your friends, go have fun and meet a new guy.