Husband says I smell

[bluespirals]

I've been living in a miserable, almost sexless marriage devoid of intimacy for too long. I've got to the point where I blame myself, I think I must be unattractive and it's not just my husband who doesn't want me, no man would want to.

I could cope with no sex if the rest of the relationship was good, but he spends all his time on his computer and gaming. I believe he is impotent and has other health issues that cause a lack of libido, but he won't speak to the doctor about it despite it going on for about 3 years. When we would have sex he would get extremely tired very quickly and feel ill afterwards.

I do not ask or nag for sex, but I have brought it up as part of general discussions about our relationship. I've said I'm unhappy, it's making me depressed and I cant live like this for the rest of my life. That I would like him to seek medical help for whatever is stopping things. He always shouts at me and dismisses my feelings.

We have had sex twice this year but both times only a few minutes as he became tired and lost his erection.

Today I told him I don't think I can be with him anymore if he doesn't care about my feelings, I'm so miserable and would be happier alone. That I feel so unwanted and don't deserve to be in a miserable marriage like this, I'm not even 30. He then said he finds the smell from my vagina off putting during sex and I'm disgusting.

He's never mentioned this before so I don't know if he's saying it to be hurtful or if this is true. Yes there is a faint odour at certain points of the month but isn't that normal?

I just feel so unsexy and horrible

He said that as a low blow to deflect from his isuues of either porn addiction, ED or another health problem, or he's gay/asexual. How can he get "tired" from sex after a couple of minutes?
I think "your" problem is not his dick but the bloke on the end of it. Tell him to get help or shift out

@Mintychoc1
I was thinking exactly the same

Bollox - sorry but you know its not true, we all have our own "intimate" smell but that's not acceptable to say that and just his way of deflecting back to you. IF you think there is something worth saving here - get some relationship support - please its not you.

He shoudn't have said that, it was cruel. I'm sure he only said it to stop you talking about it. Even if we come straight from the bath there is a female smell just as there is a male smell on a clean male. Most people like it! The only times smells from 'down there' are not nice is when someone hasn't cleaned themself.

Ignore that. He's semi-impotent, not his fault but he wants to deflect the problem onto you.

In your place I'd blank him as far as possible, just live together as house mates.

This is not living. You have to realise that some men dump their ugly
psychological crap on women - because they can - and for some reason some women believe them.

I saw a film recently where one man says to a younger man "don't be so hard on yourself - that's what the women in your life are for".

There's no curing this - there is not - don't waste your time and energy trying to figure it out. Make a decision to stop being his dustbin. It will be the best decision you will ever make.

My advice. If you can. Pack a bag leave and say nothing. Just cut him completely dead.

Look, he's not a charmer so he wouldn't have waited three years to tell you the problem was you. He's pulled this out of thin air to deflect from his bad behaviour and to undermine your valid points. If that was his sole contribution to a conversation about you being very unhappy in the relationship, then he'd told you everything you need to know. He has no intention of looking at his own behaviour or of taking responsibility for any of the issues.
Start taking steps to leave. There's no point wasting any more effort or time on him.

This is so unbelievably disgusting to say to you, he has an issue. It's not your fault.

Maybe its medical or maybe he could be gay?. But if your sex life used to be ok maybe more medical.

Every vagina has their own odour. Like just every human being has their own natural odour. He's a twat

If you haven't noticed a nasty buff yourself then he's using attack as a defence.
I also think he maybe Gay.

Either way you deserve to find someone that wants you.

Seems very unlikely.

Get checked out but I doubt you have anything unusual or smell any different or worse than the rest of us. Genitals smell to a certain extent (unless washed two seconds before).

When lockdown is relaxed I'd find a hook up online and get banged senseless.

I had a short relationship with a man with impotence who said it was recent (it wasn't) and he wasn't impotent with his on off fwb because he didn't hold her in any esteem (who knows) a d various other things; getting thoroughly fucked by my ex at the end of the relationship was just lovely.

He’s gross. Dump him and move on with your life

There are two possibilities.

1. You smell. And he is dealing with it in the cruellest possible way.

1. You don't smell. And he is dealing with it in the cruellest possible way.

Even if he is gay/ depressed/ sexually immature/ a psycopath, he is behaving like a knob.

By all means, ask someone independent like the GP and/ or get yourself swabbed (is he in some twisted way trying to tell you something?) but also ask yourself, do I want to spend the rest of my life with this person?

Also, don't worry about seeing the GP about this, once they're seeing patients in person again. My sister is one and has seen more vulvas than she can count.

I had BV once and there was no way I could have missed it. It's highly unlikely that he's telling the truth, but as others have said, you can ask for a swab to check if you're worried there might be an issue. I can't believe though if there really was a smell you wouldn't notice. My guess is he's being cruel and projecting. He's lashing out - probably due to embarrassment about his own erectile dysfunction issues.

You're so young - far too young to be wasting your life with this guy. You deserve to be with someone who makes you feel wanted. I highly doubt things will ever improve with him.

I hope you have no children with him. You deserve so much more.

im sure you dont smell , hes either gay or hes got hormonal issues that make him not want to have sex , leave your young , its effecting your mental health , im sure your gorgeous and theres lots of men who would want to be with you x

Sounds to me like he’s probably disappointed with his own lack-lustre performance in bed and is lashing out either to try and rationalise it or concocting a bad and cruel bullshit excuse. Nasty man.

Gay.

End the marriage. You’ve wasted 3+ years already and it’s unlikely to change. Get out whilst you can.

Op, your post has made me cry. I can’t believe your partner could be so cruel. That’s such a nasty thing for him to say.
I have to agree with everyone else, he is projecting his failures onto you.
My husband and I are in our 50’s and he still can’t keep his hands off of me. You’re in your 20’s and that means you’re in your prime. Please find someone to want you and dump your nasty husband. You deserve so much more than this.

Vile idiot get rid

@littleeasterbonnet
Gentlemens vegetables, I'm howling 😂

Nasty little incel

You're shockingly young to be in this sort of relationship.You need to move on as quickly as you can.

Get rid and as soon has.

Do you know if he has any unhealthy porn habits ? A bit of porn isn't too bad but if there is an addiction there then that can cause erectile dysfunction ect. Dont think I've seen it mentioned so worth a try. I'm gathering it wasn't always this way?

Nasty little man. A woman/s healthy vag smells, that is why whenever you scratch down below you always have a sniff as that lovely smell of the ocean lets us know that everything is OK. Get rid of this abusive git and you will find that lots of men just love the smell.