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Original poster

He doesn't like talking on the phone?

134 replies

SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:02

Hi everyone any opinions/input please?

I'm currently in lockdown a couple of hundred miles away from a man I've been dating for approximately 6 months. Met on tinder and have fallen head over heels for each other. He has 3 children with his ex so we were seeing each other every other weekend and a day or so during the week. My daughter is grown and doing her own thing.
His kids/ex don't know about me yet, which is fine by me, he always said it would be at least 6 months before he even thought about introducing a new partner to his children, so meeting the children was something that would probably have been begun to be discussed around now if the bloody virus hadn't happened.

Anyway, from the start, he's never been one for talking on the phone. Lots of texts, but general chit chat, calling and chatting on the phone, from the start, never really happened. That was fine with me because we were seeing each other regularly.
So, because of his childcare arrangements and social distancing and then me coming to my family home a few weeks ago as I couldn't cope with lockdown on my own, I haven't seen him for about a month now.

I have spoken to him twice in over 2 weeks, once at my instigation as in I said 'fancy a chat later babes' which was fine and then about a week later I just called him as I knew he was home alone, not with kids etc.
He was a bit off on the phone, I didn't realise he'd just made his dinner and had been on phone all day for work. I texted him after a slightly awkward call saying hey, felt a bit awkward, don't want to feel like I'm hassling you,but I did, we haven't spoken for 6 days, if you'd rather not chat on the phone because you're tired etc just let me know.
His job at the mo consists of talking on the phone all day every day, so I get it if he doesn't want to chat all the time but.... not at all?
I will usually wake up to a lovely good morning text and the text throughout the day, lots and lots of serious sexting, chat, zero calls.
I miss his voice, he knows I'd like to chat more. I'm certainly not going to demand he calls me if he doesn't want to.
Does anyone have experience of being with someone who is massively affectionate and lovely in person but just shit on the phone?
I feel like we need to hear each other's voices occasionally to get through being apart from each other for so long.
I have to add he's my first relationship after a 15 year marriage breakdown where exhtb cheated on me and blew my whole world apart a year ago so I'm perhaps a bit over sensitive and I'm definitely a bit scared of getting hurt again.
Thanks for reading everyone, I'd love to know what people think!!!

OP posts:
Kalifa · 12/04/2020 23:12

Me for one. I really don’t like talking on the phone. A lot of things are lost when I don’t see someone’s facial expressions or body language. I only have phone calls when necessary.

Fairycake2 · 12/04/2020 23:13

Would he be better on facetime if he could see you too perhaps?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/04/2020 23:14

Is he definitely single? Have you checked his facebook status?

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:20

We have facetimed and called, he doesnt seem to want to do either!
He told me he split with his wife 18 months before he met me. I have no reason not to believe him. They co parent well, he has his own apartment close to the family house. He says didn't know his father and seems to feel very guilty about leaving the family home but absolutely insists his marriage is over and he has no 8nterest in getting back with his ex.

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 12/04/2020 23:20

had been on phone all day for work

Ok, so he doesn't like talking to you on the phone - that's a bit different from not liking speaking on the phone generally.

Sorry, OP, but this sounds a bit suspicious- the times this has happened to me, it's been when someone has been lying about their circumstances and/or not as free and single as they've made out.

Best case scenario, he's not that into you (as he can clearly make the effort for work), worst case, he's sat at home with his family.

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:20

He isn't on Facebook.

OP posts:
covidcougher · 12/04/2020 23:23

I smell a rat, have you been to his home? If not I'd be inclined not to believe him. There are times when we all don't want to chat but the odd FaceTime or chat now is not too much to ask.

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:23

I have spent a lot of time at his house, he said splitting up with his ex was hard but it needed to happen after years of rowing etc.
We have a brilliant time together and I really think he adores me.
I'm sitting it now that because he doesn't want to chat on the phone that something isn't right. Aaargh.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:24

Shitting it not sitting

OP posts:
carriebreadshaw · 12/04/2020 23:24

Did you say you've been to his house? He sounds a bit married I'm afraid.

Saying that - I HATE chitchat on the phone. I use the phone all the time for work but there is a purpose to those calls. I really really dislike speaking to anyone just for a chat.

carriebreadshaw · 12/04/2020 23:25

Oh sorry I see now you've spent time at his. Okay then probably not married

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/04/2020 23:26

He isn't on Facebook.

Ah.

That old chestnut.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 12/04/2020 23:26

I love my boyfriend but I don’t like talking on the phone everyday, I can talk for ages with friends but not with him, he is to close to me, I cannot find enough things to say on the phone at the end of the day as much as I love his company. I guess our relationship is more based on actions and gestures than lengthy conversations.

Having said that, I met a guy who was great at texting and we had a great time when meeting in person but he would only talk to me at night when he was walking his dog. It didn’t take long for me to realise that despite falling in love with me “big time” and all the nice things he said, he was still married and living with his wife.

Sorry OP, I think he cannot talk because the wife is still around.

kitk · 12/04/2020 23:27

Can't talk for him and his circumstances or dating during lockdown but I always hated calls because when you hang up you're done taking for day whereas texting can go on longer. I hated/ hate the goodbye

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:29

He definitely isn't on Facebook. His ex is, he showed me her picture on there, long story. I did a bit of snooping, hes definitely not on facebook or friends with his ex.
I have spent a lot of time at his and been out socialising with him in the town he lives.
I do think he's worried about hurting his ex, she was devastated apparently when they split.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 12/04/2020 23:30

I don't have Face Book.. I loathe Face time calling.. I don't like talking on the phone..

I'm a Texter.. through and through.. in fact my phone is always on Silent/DND Grin

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:30

When I asked him about the awkward last call we had he apologised, said he was tired and he's finding it really weird not being able to see me.

OP posts:
JKScot4 · 12/04/2020 23:32

I will usually wake up to a lovely good morning text and the text throughout the day, lots and lots of serious sexting, chat
Why? why this constant txts etc? You’re not teenagers.
How if he’s 100s of miles away does he manage nights during the week and weekends?
I’m thinking still with wife or trying for reconciliation and she thinks he works away.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 12/04/2020 23:33

It's possible he's in a relationship with someone he met after him and his ex split up.

Anyway, it sounds like you're doing all the chasing. Why not go quiet for a while and let him make the next move.

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:34

We are 100s of miles away because I came to stay with family. We ate usually 40 mins drive away from each other. We spend every other weekend together when he doesn't have his children and about one night a week together. Until lockdown.

OP posts:
biscuitsanddiddums · 12/04/2020 23:34

Me too. I can’t even bear to call for a takeaway. Hate the phone. Will use it for work, but given the option other times? Nah. I loathe FaceTime and Skype too. I’m very sociable in person but can’t bear going via other mediums. I find it hugely awkward.

BackseatCookers · 12/04/2020 23:35

I hate talking on the phone. But not talking to someone for six days when you've been together for six months would make me think I'd been ghosted... that's so a sign it's over that I would leave it I think. Spoken twice in two weeks? Surely that means the relationship is over?

Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:40

Ok. So thanks to the people who have said they don't like to talk on the phone either. That's reassuring.
I am, however, worried that I'm not really his priority right now and that even if talking on the phone isn't his fave thing to do, once a week, especially at the weekend when he hasn't been on the phone for work isn't a big ask.
Need to reign it in for now as having this discussion whilst so far apart won't be good.
I am a bit worried he's staying at the family home tbh through lockdown, even if nothing's happening with his ex wife, I'd like to know if he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:41

But we text constantly through the day so no he hasn't ghosted me!

OP posts:
Original poster
SadSausage44 · 12/04/2020 23:49

My ex gaslighted me so much, I'm really worried that my bs detector is a bit 'off'.... this is a red flag to me but maybe he just hates talking on the phone as he finds it frustrating.
Or he's moved back in to the family home and he is having his cake and eating it......

OP posts: