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Original poster

Am I Missing Something Here???

165 replies

Cmarie74 · 12/04/2020 13:46

To make it easy for everyone I'll give a quick back story.. Iive been on mat leave since sept19 and partner still works full time. 2 kids together.

Now, am I the unreasonable one to be annoyed that he doesn't help with housework or cooking at all, and never did while I was working full time before New baby's birth..
I do every household job on my own and make every meal for us all. He has always said I'm not a great cook, which I'm not, but definitely not the worst, but still I try and he doesn't offer to help cook or cook instead of me, will just complain when he doesn't like the food. Sometimes full blown rows over it that can last in a few days sulking and snarky comments. All housework, I do, don't actually bother asking him to help me but when he does get shitty over it not being done right or that I've not done enough, I will comment that maybe of he helped it would get done a lot faster and more often. He literally says 'that's not my job, that's your job. I work and I pay the rent.' that's his excuse as to why he refuses to do anything at home. He's even more on it now that I'm at home all day and don't work, yeh during this lockdown where he's also at home all day he hasn't lifted a finger and still states that he's still paying all the rent and buys food when my money runs out (I pay all utilities and food til my account is empty) and that the only reason he's at home is because he's not allowed to go to work at the moment. He says my days haven't changed so why would I need help now?
He's just complained that we've ran out of the bread he eats and said something to the effect of 'your one job is to look after the household and you can't even do that one thing'.. But we all know that one job is more like 10 jobs in 1, cooking, cleaning, tidying, washing, ironing, childcare etc which can't all be done perfectly every single day by one person. He doesn't seem to understand that!
Are most men like this or am I the one just being abit lazy in expecting abit of help round OUR house!?
He can getting really mean about it aswell and I just think jesus christ I can't be that bad can I???
Thoughts please!

OP posts:
Gobbycop · 12/04/2020 16:04

Saying that I've just over steamed the broccoli. I'm dead.

Original poster
Cmarie74 · 12/04/2020 16:06

I don't think he would put out to have the kids much tbh, he talks like they're his world and hes said if we split up he'd want them every weekend, but I bet if it came to it there would be excuses as to why he couldn't have them the whole weekend or he'd only have them Saturday morning til Sunday morning etc making out he'd be doing it so i get some weekend time with them too, obviously I wouldn't object to that but still.. I think he's a lot of talk, thinks he's amazing when he isn't really.
Thanks for all your input guys.

OP posts:
category12 · 12/04/2020 16:08

You need to end the relationship.

RandomMess · 12/04/2020 16:10

I can't believe you had a 2nd child with him.

Even when you worked you did everything, he only pays towards food etc when the money you do have runs out which means you never have any money of your own yet how much is sat in his account - enough to go out whenever he likes I bet...

He is emotionally and financially abusive Sad

lazylinguist · 12/04/2020 16:11

He sounds like he's always been a total arsehole, OP. You should have left him before you had kids, but better late than never!

Qcng · 12/04/2020 16:19

I bet if it came to it there would be excuses as to why he couldn't have them the whole weekend or he'd only have them Saturday morning til Sunday morning etc

Keep this in mind.
Those were my thoughts exactly after your earlier comment regarding not wanting to be separated from your children EOW. I just thought "no chance!".

A good friend was in a god awful relationship who's partner threatened to take away the children etc, have them for full weeks at a time etc if she dated split up with him. Does he see them At all now? Does he fuck. She can't even get a Saturday morning out of him.

Qcng · 12/04/2020 16:19

^ dared

Original poster
Cmarie74 · 12/04/2020 16:20

I kkow I should have left him before we brought the poor kids into it, but like a lot of women I thought he would change, but he obviously never will.
Gobbycop you're the kind of man all women deserve.
He's just asked me how long teas gonna be and why I'm sat on the couch doing fuck all. He's been on the PlayStation doing fuck all since lockdown started, it's a joke. He's such a horrible bastard.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 12/04/2020 16:24

He sounds awful

I work FT as does my partner

So far today he has....

Brought me two cups of tea in bed and a bacon sandwich

I have done some gardening

He has done some DIY, while cooking a lamb roast.

He does 99% of the cooking, I do most the cleaning. We share the washing.

We are a partnership (our children are grown up, so we don't have that)

RandomMess · 12/04/2020 16:24

Please get your ducks in a row to get rid ASAP.

Are you in rented accommodation?

Zaphodsotherhead · 12/04/2020 16:34

I had one of these.

In the end I got cold. Stone cold. When he'd ask me why I hadn't done something, I would just give him a cold stare. I didn't answer back, I didn't argue, I just gave him a Paddington Hard Stare. Apparently, my job as a mother of five, with a partner who worked away 11 days out of 14, was to do EVERYTHING, and then do EVERYTHING FOR HIM when he deigned to come home.

It got so I didn't care. He could rant and rave and I just grey rocked him. Did what I usually did for the kids, didn't do a stroke more. He used to exhaust himself ranting and raving, but in the end he couldn't FORCE me to do stuff,

Then one day when he came back for his two days feet up watching TV, I just told him never to come back again. I brought up five kids on my own rather than spend more time with that sexist pig. Oh, and he was another one who said he'd 'take the children', and then never saw them at all for the next five years (never paid a penny either, so beware of that...)

Original poster
Cmarie74 · 12/04/2020 16:36

Yeah we rent, I'm main tenant and he pays it. He said he wouldn't move out.

OP posts:
babycakes1010 · 12/04/2020 16:39

Your response should of been how long it takes to cook what he's sorted . He sounds a right dick

Musti · 12/04/2020 16:39

My ex was like that. Now I pay my bills and look after my house myself and am much happier. Leave him and enjoy your life. Let him look after himself and his home and have your child too when it's his turn.

RandomMess · 12/04/2020 16:41

How much notice do you need to give on the property?

You certainly need an action plan on how to leave. I suspect he will turn nasty when he sees his easy life disappearing...

OhioOhioOhio · 12/04/2020 16:42

Zaphodsotherhead

Yay!!! Me too. I totally understand.

Except mine now actually sees the kids. I get a rest and they find out that he is a nasty bastard.

Win. Win.

Op Get organised and get out.

pog100 · 12/04/2020 16:43

Oh OP you can't live with, and bring up kids with, an abusive idiotic bastard like this. You just can't. You need to be, seriously, planning the split. Don't dream or speculate, do it!

Greenkit · 12/04/2020 16:44

He is such a waste of space
He is bringing nothing to this relationship

Does he do any childcare at all?

user3274826 · 12/04/2020 16:53

A BIT lazy?! What an absolute PIG. When I was a SAHM I probably did less than 50-50 in terms of housework, shopping and cooking. Because I was breastfeeding all night long and 24-7 childcare is more exhausting than working.

What does he do? Is he a gamer?

Original poster
Cmarie74 · 12/04/2020 17:24

He works FT usually in a big productions warehouse, tiring physically I get that, but he should still share household duties.
You're all just making it so much more apparent that I'm in the right and he's not this big shot amazing bf he makes himself out to be.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/04/2020 17:29

Nope he just thinks your are trapped with him and can treat you how he likes as you want dare leave with 2 DC! Hence the threats of 50:50 childcare and so on...

RandomMess · 12/04/2020 17:30

I hope the child benefit is in your name? Ensure it is and that it stays that way. I am sure he will make it difficult for you to split.

He likes having you here as his servant!

Original poster
Cmarie74 · 12/04/2020 18:03

Yeah child benefit is all in my name, he's never even asked for any of that, he knows he has enough money of his own.
Part of me thinks he would try to make a split difficult but then part of me thinks he's be glad to see me go, when we almost split before dc2 I said I couldn't leave because I didn't even have savings for a deposit on another house, he said he'd pay it for me if he got to stay here, I accepted that but said I wouldn't leave til after Christmas, by the time Christmas came he was Mr Nice guy again and it was all forgotten. He's so strange. So am I partly for putting up with it!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 12/04/2020 18:07

I wonder if he had another woman in mind but it didn't pan out so he thought he'd keep you sweet as the back up...

madcatladyforever · 12/04/2020 18:10

Seriously I spat my coffee reading that.
I'd say fuck you then I'm never cooking for you again if you don't like it.
My first husband said that too and I didn't cook for him again until we got divorced three years later.
Sorry he sounds like a dead loss. Time to move on.