You’re welcome op. It’s always easier to see what’s happening when you’re not involved in the situation. And the answer is always so clear...to other people at least. I think that’s why some posters get frustrated.
But you are emotionally wrapped up in this. You love your husband and you don’t want to lose him. You’re simply not ready to give up yet. You won’t see the whole truth yet, because you don’t want to. And that’s ok.
Sadly this doesn’t make the situation any different. And the likelihood is that at some point he’ll make his choice and you won’t get a say in it.
I really hope you’ll find strength. You do deserve better than this. Can you imagine a relationship where you never even felt inclined to check someone’s phone? It never even crosses your mind? Can you imagine a partner who talks to you about how he’s feeling and makes you feel part of a two person team? Who only has eyes for you? Who you trust, just because you get that feeling that you can? Who never makes you feel second best, scared, or lonely in your relationship? I bet at the moment you’d even struggle to imagine this is possible. But it is!! Just not with your husband.
I like to look at it like this. You married the wrong guy...so what? It’s like buying a dress because it looked nice and felt nice in the shop at the time, but a year on it fits poorly and doesn’t make you look or feel great. It’s time for a new dress.
His actions are also not a reflection on you, so you have no shame to feel. They are a reflection on him and he’s the one who should feel shame and embarrassment, not you.
I think sometimes even good relationships can run their course and come to an end, let alone unhappy ones. Nothing wrong in that. It’s how people behave at this crucial time that matters and your husband is behaving appallingly.
But we can’t control others, no matter how hard we try. We can only control ourselves. So the question is, what will YOU do. Not him. You?