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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

OW/Emotional Affair - Please help me

999 replies

Cupcakesaregood · 10/04/2020 12:19

Hi everyone. First of all I'm sorry if I ramble, this is my first thread and I don't know what to do. H and I have been married 4 years in July. Found out I was pregnant a year after marriage, not planned but happy enough. Hard pregnancy. Found out that H had been having an emotional affair shortly before birth because I saw a WhatsApp message appear on his phone that I didn't recognise late at night so yes, I looked to discover hundreds of messages. I said to him in anger if he didn't stop I'd never let him see our child. He took the phone from my hands and blocked the number.

Things have been rocky ever since, when I go on WhatsApp I wonder why he's online and not speaking to me etc. Shortly after our 1 year olds birthday I couldn't get the idea of having another baby out of my head. I know probably not the wisest but always envisioned two. And now I'm pregnant. I was H phone the other night trying to find a code a friend sent to him in a message and I couldn't help myself, I looked through his messages from people to see if she was there. She wasn't. And then something told me to check the contacts. He doesn't have loads of people and then I saw her (her WhatsApp photo still the same from 2017 when I caught them that night) and she was under a different name. What do I do? Please help me. I haven't mentioned it to him yet - but why on earth is her number in there if it is over? Thanks for any advice x

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Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 15:57

@Trichford He has the night off tomorrow so then. The thing is in regards to twitter I wasn't checking up on him. I had no idea he even had a twitter. So when I logged on it automatically went into a page and I didn't recognise it as mine then I checked and it was following one person - her. He obviously has some sort of need for her to be in his life one way or another

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Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 15:57

I know @BackseatCookers I know I'm going round in circles, I sent you a pm. Thank you for being so honest with me x

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Dery · 30/04/2020 16:17

"Don't you care more about the fact that he doesn't want to completely cut contact with her at all?! Whether he actually does so is a separate issue, the deciding factor in you wanting to stay with him or not is surely the fact you know full well he doesn't want to stop talking to her if it was his decision (which it should be)?"

This.

@Cupcakesaregood - this is so incredibly hard for you, but how are you going to break these circles you're going round in? Because you really are just going round in circles (you've been struggling with the same questions for about 3 weeks now) and I think it's making you feel worse than you would feel if you took decisive action.

There are no good explanations for him retaining the OW's number. You know this. You're frantically searching for an explanation that may make this all okay but you know there isn't one. You've been treated very badly and dealt a huge blow - you got married after a 7 year relationship and 1 year in, shortly after discovering an unplanned pregnancy, you also discover that your OH is having an intense EA with another woman. He tells you he has deleted her number and DC1 is born and in due course you become pregnant with DC2. But you weren't happy in the interim and neither was your H. You've been clear about that. You hoped that a second pregnancy would bring you closer together but all it's done is reveal to you that your H has been in contact with OW all along. Like others, I'm sceptical that it has remained an EA all this time, but perhaps it has. Whatever it has been, it has at least in part stopped him committing to his relationship with you properly.

From things you've said earlier in your post, you seem to be very concerned about appearances. And I can see how you might think it would look unimpressive to have your marriage end soon after it had started. Also, you've said you're 32 - based on that, you've been with your H since you were about 21. So of course he's been a massive part of your life and you've never really experienced single life. But those are not reasons to stay with someone who doesn't love you and no-one sensible would think any the less of you if your marriage breaks down.

Your marriage may be salvageable but your H has to feel motivated to commit to you ahead of the OW and I think knowing that you will hold on to the relationship at any cost - as appears to be the case - is making him more careless about this than he might be if he thought he actually stood to lose you.

But given that your marriage has been unhappy for the vast majority of the time you have been together, it may be better in due course (perhaps not now but after DC2 has arrived and you've all had some time to adjust to her/his arrival) to let your marriage go and concentrate on being the best co-parents you can. You so deserve to be with a man who wholeheartedly wants to be with you, and from what you've told us, H may not be that man.

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 16:23

Hi @Dery thanks for your post. You're so right. I know deep down the answers to the questions and you're right I've been hoping someone will say something like oh he's just got the number because he's forgot or he doesn't care or something but I know that's not the case. The twitter thing has just thrown me through a complete loop

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Fiveasidefootballfamily · 30/04/2020 18:19

Have you confronted him about this? Sorry I haven’t managed to read every page so may have missed this? Given the fact that you’re pregnant especially, wouldn’t you rather know what is happening and then be able to decide whether you want to be in a relationship with him or not.

I know you have queried the meaning of ‘cutting contact’ but all that really matters is what you want from him and whether he is willing to agree to that. Living with someone that is either keeping his options open or living a lie, is no good for your self esteem. You’re worth more than this.

Regardless of whether he wanted baby 2 as much as you or not, he fathered that child with you and has responsibilities. If he’s willing to risk it all for this woman, I’d be showing him the door. Don’t let this continue and ruin your pregnancy. I’m really sorry you’re having to go through this - what a shit! X

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 18:26

Hi @Fiveasidefootballfamily don't apologise it's a long thread..I haven't confronted him yet, tomorrow evening hopefully we will have some time so my plan is to do so then. Yes you're absolutely right in what you're saying, whilst he still has these doors open to her what's the point in continuing on because he's making the choice to have these doors open

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Tiredmum100 · 30/04/2020 18:29

You're a more patient person than me OP. I think I'd be telling my oh where to go. I am sorry you're going through such a hard time, especially when you're pregnant. No one needs these kind of issues, not to mention in the middle of a global pandemic and pregnancy.

NotAnotherAlias · 30/04/2020 18:31

I’ve been following this thread OP and I have to say I think you’re focussing on the wrong things.

Even if he’s blocked and deleted her number, he probably has it written down somewhere or stored elsewhere. And you can unblock someone quite easily. Telling him to change his number won’t make a difference. Him creating a twitter account to keep in touch with her speaks volumes - he still wants her and is going to keep her in his life as long as he can. Forcing him to remove her from his life isn’t going to be fruitful for you as he will always find another way to stay in touch if he wants to. The more you force him, the harder he’ll work at finding ways around it, and the more insecure and hurt you will feel.

What you need to focus on is what all this means for you, him and your marriage. You need to ask him how he feels about her and about you, whether he actually wants to make his marriage with you work because he loves you (not because of the children) and make decisions on that basis. If he’s not choosing to stay with you, but only staying for the kids then you will never feel secure with him and he will likely continue contact with this lady. And if not this lady, he’ll find another lady because he’s lonely in his marriage and unhappy. Do you really want him to stay because of how he felt about his parents’ relationship ending? If you do, then you need to work on your self-esteem as that’s not the basis for a fulfilling marriage.

Do you honestly think he loves you and wants to be with you, not you and the children? If he doesn’t, then all you’re doing is storing up pain and resentment for the both of you by clamping down on his relationship with this woman who he cares for. That’s not good for either of you, or for your children to witness.

I think you need to speak to him again and start preparing yourself to let him go. It’s not fair on him to stand guard over him because you don’t trust him, and it can’t make you feel good to do it.

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 18:34

Thank you @Tiredmum100 that was a nice thing to say Smile

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Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 18:38

Hi @NotAnotherAlias thank you for taking the time to read it, I know I'm concentrating on certain aspects on this rather than the bigger picture..ie our future. Do we really have a future whilst she the ow is on the backburner silent or not? I don't think we do. I'm just trying to figure things out at the moment. Yes you're absolutely right about twitter that has absolutely thrown me through a loop. I don't know if you have seen (as it's a long thread) that currently they haven't spoken but i think it's because I'm pregnant and he's scared of losing her so that's currently where we are at. Thank you again for being honest and kind with it

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BackseatCookers · 30/04/2020 19:12

Do you honestly think he loves you and wants to be with you, not you and the children? If he doesn’t, then all you’re doing is storing up pain and resentment for the both of you by clamping down on his relationship with this woman who he cares for. That’s not good for either of you, or for your children to witness.

This is super well put x

PoprocksAndCoke · 30/04/2020 19:17

The thing is, if he deleted her number could you truly believe it was gone? After all he deleted it once before and was contacting her within a week. How can you ever be 100% sure he has deleted every way of communicating with her and not just hiding it better? He knows you know he still had her number so he deleted it and opened a twitter account instead. He doesn't want to stop communicating with her, he just doesn't want you to know he is.

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 19:25

Hi @PoprocksAndCoke I know, but to me it would be a step but only if he did it himself and committed to it. But with all these doors he has left open I don't think it's what he wants to do. I think it was @OhCaptain that said it best, it's a huge risk with no reward if he's keeping these things there for no reason

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crispysausagerolls · 30/04/2020 21:10

I think couples can move forward from
These things. But I don’t think that you can, because in order to move forward one would expect to see sadness, regret, shame from the guilty party. Expect to see him grovel and apologise, to profess his undying love and need to move forward. To delete her everywhere and mean it.

What he’s done is
Expressed ambivalence and a desire to stay for the children. Then delete her on one avenue of contact, only
To immediately set up another.

I don’t understand why the twitter has thrown you, knowing he has been keeping her around on his phone and in contact all this time. He has made his decision very clear and you don’t want to accept it. It’s very, very hard to read because from
The outside everyone is screaming LEAVE HIM! It’s obvious to us looking in.

I am really very sorry for you 🌷 I am
Pregnant and I understand how you must be feeling to an extent. Hand hold

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 21:26

Congratulations @crispysausagerolls so happy for you, is this your first? Do you know what you're having? I hope it all goes well. I know, and the thing is, I know if I saw someone in my position I'd be screaming the same thing at them too. I know I just need to have this convo with him and that's happening tomorrow night. You've been so helpful (and others) - I also had a good chat with my friend tonight and she basically summarised it. Some of it was hard to hear but she's very to the point which is needed and obviously you've been honest too. She said if he was happy with me there would be no trace of her and that's the bottom line of it all. She also believes that he stopped speaking to her when we found out about the pregnancy but not for my sake, but because he doesn't want to lose her and the chances of that happening are high. I was surprised at the twitter thing because he didn't even follow me on Instagram, his own wife, yet he made a page just to follow her. It's just another thing to think about. I know I need to face facts for my behaviour too which I am doing but for us to move forward there can't be any doors left open with her and that has to be his decision because I know I can't force his hand in this

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TheMistressQuickly · 30/04/2020 21:29

Check his archived messages. Could be he’s hidden them there or just deleted everything. I would bet that they are definitely still in contact. Sorry x

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 21:42

Hi @TheMistressQuickly I did, yes he maybe is deleting but I really do believe he's so scared of losing her he ha just stopped contact for now until her works out how to keep her in his life

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NotAnotherAlias · 30/04/2020 22:52

OP, I don’t think it makes a difference whether you can see if he’s contacted her or not via Twitter or since you fell pregnant. He may have done so, and then deleted the messages for all you know. It’s clear he’s attached to her to the extent that on some level he still wants to maintain a connection.

You need to have that conversation about feelings and whether you have a viable future as a couple. It’s the only way you’ll find out whether you can move forward with him or whether it needs to be done without him. Trying to rationalise or interpret his behaviour is going to drive you mad and won’t actually give you the answers you’re seeking. And if you can’t have that honest conversation with him, that doesn’t bode well for your future happiness with him.

Surely it’s better to know what you’re dealing with than all this guessing and agonising? Try to be brave and get your answers from him.

Dominoz · 30/04/2020 23:00

I agree with PP. I've read this whole post and the not knowing is turning you inside out.

Your husband needs to fill in some of these gaps. You can't keep researching and note taking on every outcome.

It sounds like he wants to be with you. The other woman has no incentive to stick around now. But he is drawn to her.

The gap in communication must be driving you both crazy. Counselling would perhaps help. Just being honest would certainly.

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 23:08

Thank you @NotAnotherAlias is it unrealistic to think that whilst he has this connection with her things can't work with us? Surely you can't be in with your marriage whilst that connection is there with another woman?

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Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 23:09

Hi @Dominoz thanks for post. I'd like to think he wants to be with me but I don't think he does, not while he has these doors open and connection with her

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Dominoz · 30/04/2020 23:11

Please talk to him. You can't second guess.

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 23:16

@NotAnotherAlias apologies I've just reread my message to you and it comes across sarcastically, it isn't meant that way, it's a genuine question, sorry if it reads badly, I'd like to blame it on the hormones but they have been pretty good so I'd be lying!

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Dominoz · 30/04/2020 23:44

Maybe he does.. but, he doesn't know if you allow it and it will always be out of reach and desirable. He is so having his cake and eating it right now. Please stop analysing and take some action on this.

Cupcakesaregood · 30/04/2020 23:48

I know @Dominoz it's ok though, if this had gone on for maybe a month, I'd agree that it was a case of cake eating. It's been going on for almost three years, I've been naive in this in some respects but i know it's far more than cake eating and that's something I have to face up to myself

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