Late to the thread, but would like to post.
My situation is a little different in that DH and I agreed to have an open marriage. Due to his own reasons he was happy for me to go and play, but he was not confident in himself to do the same. I joined Fab last year, had a meet a couple of weeks after and the sex between DH and I was mind blowing once I got home.
A few weeks later I started chatting to AP. DH encouraged me to go meet him, so the next night I did. With the first meet I spent weeks talking to the person first, but with AP we exchanged some lengthy messages first on Fab and then on WhatsApp. At that point I had a second phone to contact any potential ‘meets’ on, that I would take with me so I could contact DH. Anyway, I went to meet AP (who was and still is single) and we just seemed to click. I felt really comfortable with him and we chatted like we’d known each other a while over the few hours I was there. Afterward there was lots of messaging back and forth, it was quite full on. I’ve never had attention like that before apart from DH.
AP and I arranged another meet for the next month (with the blessing of DH) and again we got on really well. AP is 11 years older than me. We continued to message until AP went away for work where the messages dwindled to sporadic, then he messaged a bit more when he returned but it felt a bit different. We arranged to meet again at the end of that month (3rd month after we originally met) and had a good time, but AP had a little issue after his first orgasm of being able to get hard. We had sex again later on, but he lost his erection at least twice more. After I got home DH told me he didn’t want me to see AP any more in a sexual context. Ideally he wanted me to cut AP off, but I’d built a friendship with him and wanted to maintain that. I messaged AP saying I thought it wasn’t the best idea to continue sleeping together, we were getting too close etc. He agreed and his messages after then really did dwindle. He’d go days without responding to messages (by this time he had my proper number). We went to a gig together as friends at the end of May and then had a bit of a falling out a few weeks later. He blocked me on WhatsApp and Fab.
At the end of July I text him an apology for the falling out. I didn’t expect to hear anything back from him, but I wanted to say sorry and when he blocked me he didn’t allow me that chance. I assumed my number via text would be blocked too, so either way I wasn’t surprised when I didn’t receive a response.
I started to think about him less and less and then one day a couple of weeks later he messaged a response apologising too, also messaging the same thing on WhatsApp. All those slight feelings came flooding back. I told DH and again DH encouraged me to go back to see AP. I saw and slept over for the night with him in August, September, October and November, so once a month. We were messaging too in these months and I bought him a birthday gift in the September. In the November we went to a gig as well as staying over and I told him as we were lying in bed that I thought I loved him. He hugged me tight but didn’t say it back, which I didn’t expect him to. A couple of days later when we were messaging he said that we had to be careful not to involve our feelings, as too many people would get hurt. I didn’t tell DH how I felt. Again DH said he wanted me to stop seeing AP, only this time I didn’t.
I saw AP in the December, we stayed overnight in a hotel. We didn’t have sex, though I did give him two blow jobs and there was lots of kissing. We bought each other Christmas gifts and exchanged them. I arranged to see AP again in January and again we stayed over in a hotel. I’ve seen him in February and March too, but just to go to events that we bought tickets for the other to go to, not staying over. DH knows I’ve sporadically messaged AP, the messages aren’t anywhere near as often as they used to be, but he doesn’t know I’ve seen him at all this year. He has recently suggested I see him again (not during lockdown!), though I’ve been non-committal. AP doesn’t always answer messages, it shows two blue ticks on WhatsApp but then he will say a day or so later sometimes that he’s only just seen my message. He removed his last seen from WhatsApp months ago, which I’m not sure why but it’s not my place to ask. Sometimes we will message and he promises to reply later on but he doesn’t.
I know he isn’t seeing anyone else as we’d had a frank discussion about that, plus his living situation means he can’t just have people round - he lives with his friends at the moment but is due to move out to his own place as soon as he is able, it was in the works but lockdown has put a hold on it. Deep down I’m not sure if AP feels anything for me at all. I’m really confused at my feelings, I still feel the same as I did in November but he doesn’t seem to make time for me really, where as I do make time for him. When this started I wasn’t expecting to fall into anything like this. Part of me doesn’t want to let him go, as I feel we still get on quite well and sometimes I get mixed signals from him. The other part of me wonders how I got to this place. DH is still happy for me to see other people, though with AP he blows hot and cold. I don’t really want to see other people though.
Sorry it was so long, I just needed somewhere to vent a little.