New girlfriend

[browneyedgirlclj]

My ex fiancé and I split up two years ago. His decision. We have two young children we share 50/50 care of. He moved out 18 months ago and found a new girlfriend soon after. I admit I still had feelings for him when he met her and I wasn't keen on accepting her or meeting her at first. She is good to the children though. I don't have any support so still need my ex to come over and help me with jobs round the house and in the garden etc. My ex and I have a strained relationship for a few reasons but I still want us to go places together with the children, have holidays together and celebrate events as a family without his girlfriend. The first year we did all this but then she objected to us all going to an event that meant we'd all stay over together in a family room. It was separate beds in the room! We text each other most days and FaceTime the children when we aren't with them. I feel when my ex and our children and I attend stuff that she's coming to, she should travel separately as we (me, the children and ex) should all go in the same car as a family. She made a fuss about this according to whatmy ex told me. They now live together which I wasn't that happy about but he still comes and helps me out. Why can't she accept I'm always going to be in his life and he still cares about me and will always come round and help me as the mum to his children? He's already said to me about what happens if they split up so all can't be that great. Her behaviour seems petty.

Well I hope when you find someone who you want to move in with you make it abundantly clear that he is not invited to any events or celebrations, needs to clear out at Christmas, travel to any destinations separately when going with your kids and understands you prioritise your ex over him. Seriously, no one will put up with that shit. You are massively unreasonable.

What you agreed was never a realistic long term plan.
Yes be friends, he can help you but you cannot expect the girlfriend to stay in the background when it suits you. She should be invited to join in and travel with you if you go somewhere.
She should be allowed to be at birthdays and Christmas, she should be allowed to go on the holidays.
The fact she isn't sat watching every thing on FaceTime and when you are at the house isn't a sign that she's avoiding you, it's because she doesn't need to be part of those things and is just getting on with normal life.
You can't blame her for him changing his mind on things, he himself has probably realised it's not normal and you are feeding off his guilt and making him do these things. She's actually the one that has probably given him some confidence back after the split.
She is part of his life now and you need to back off and seek help because you are not showing a healthy attitude to relationships and this will effect your children growing up.

Part of me still thinks this isn't real, I half think it's the girlfriend trying to show her partner how delusional the ex is.

OP you are bat shit if you think you’re right.

Wow, just wow

Blimey imagine your feelings if she was there FaceTiming with your family! You'd blow up! She is perfectly ok with Christmas and birthdays but draws the line at being excluded from days out, cinema trips etc. Who facilitates these? And who are the children staying with when this happens? To me she's being extremely reasonable. You should be counting your blessings, his next gf could be an absolute nightmare and ALL your 'agreed plans' could be out the window.

The GF should exit this relationship. Expecting her to travel in a separate car is madness... I actually think all of you going on holiday together is weird.

If you had a BF who was coming along it would be fine, but there's an imbalance at the moment.

OP, you say he doesn't want more kids...do you know many women 'accidentally' get pregnant....unless he takes responsibility for birth control...he has no control.

In relation to the jobs around the house...don't make yourself look like a damsel in distress...show your children that women can do things around the house and aren't reliant on men for every little thing.

Op, if this is real, which I hope it isn’t, then you are deluded. But with that, I’m afraid it means that nothing we say here will make any difference.

Your ex has moved on. He has a long-term relationship with another woman, who he loves. He loves her and wants to put her first, hence he is starting to go against your usual expectations.

He owes you no loyalty. He can be a good dad to the children without your involvement. He can have days out with the children and his new partner, excluding you, and he would still be able to be a good dad.

His partner has been very patient, understanding how hard this must be for you. I’m guessing this from the fact she’s apparently put up with it for so long. But this is not sustainable for the future. She is now asserting the fact that she is a presence in his life.

How would you feel if you met a wonderful man who you fell in love with, but we’re excluded from all of his family events because of a deluded ex partner? She is a human being and deserves better than this. Your ex needs to get a back bone and tell you where to get off.

Whatever you ‘decided’ when you split was unrealistic and unreasonable. He does not need to be with you, involve you or be part of a family with you, to be a good dad.

Op you need to get over this. It’s not healthy.

Wow you sound like you seriously have some issues you need to deal with!

My husband had a child with someone else - when the child was really little they still did things together - but it all came to a stop eventually and everyone moved on! We do things the odd time with husbands ex and her new partner - all get together for the child’s birthday, have a meal together around Christmas time etc! I speak to her if I am looking after the child, send her photos and updates of our day out! We all love the child and most important thing is that he is looked after and is happy!

The best thing for the child is to understand and that mum and dad are not going to get back together - he has 2 families now and sometimes he does things with us, sometimes with them and sometimes all together!!

You need to move on love - you are clinging onto the past.

You’re in denial and he’s telling you what you want to hear so you won’t stop him seeing the dc or make his life difficult.

Stop clinging onto him.

Just let him be a dad to the dc.

When you think you’ve read the most batshit thing and along comes this unhinged OP 🙄🙄
Dear God woman get a bloody grip of yourself.

You're not listening to any advise here.

Are you bored?

Terrible role model for your kids. Unhealthy attitude and lack of respect towards your ex's partner. Pulling the wool over their eyes and trying to pretend you're a family unit when in fact you are not together and Dad has another partner. Being so needy and incapable of doing your own DIY.

This has got to be a reverse.
Regardless, the nature of the thought process as to what is acceptable and what isn't is just plain crazy.
One hundred million percent unreasonable.

Where oh where is your self respect. To put it blunty he doesn't want you. He literally doesn't. You wanting to share rooms on holiday and making his new girlfriend travel in a different car is majorly controlling. You are also manipulating him but making him feel guilty and doing jobs in your home. Really awful behaviour.

That said, I can emphasise with the hurt you feel but you will feel much better doing things yourself. You are lucky to have your home and children. Come on.. be the better person.

The sad thing is that if this is for real, op is a woman hurting and desperately wanting her family back together.

Whilst my previous advice stands, I do feel sorry for the op.

She avoids me when I come to his house, never is there when we FaceTime. And I'm the one with the problem?

Oh yes OP you are definitely the one with the problem or rather you are the problem. Poor woman, I feel terrible for her having to put up with you.

Me and my ex have been split for almost 2 years he recently moved in with his girlfriend and her 4 DC's after 2 months together (but that's another story) it's still quite raw, but I would never expect to do things as a family now, as the bottom line is we're not a family anymore. The hardest thing is letting go especially when there are still feeling there.

Next time a stepmum accuses her husband’s ex of being overly involved and batshit crazy and everyone tells her she’s exaggerating or lying I’m going to post a link to this if it doesn’t get removed.

OP, move on love. He left you because he didn’t want to be with you. Sad but it happens. He owes you nothing but child support. You’re really embarrassing yourself. He’s not yours. He’s with her. He’s chosen her to live with, to share his life with, to plan a future with. You need your own life.

Next time a stepmum accuses her husband’s ex of being overly involved and batshit crazy and everyone tells her she’s exaggerating or lying I’m going to post a link to this if it doesn’t get removed
I agree. Sometimes posters can be quick to present the mother as a saint and the step mother/ new partner as someone unreasonable. Equally it's often assumed on here that there's no way a man really does have a crazy ex because no mum would be using her children as a weapon so there must be a reason why he doesn't see kids/is jumping when his ex says. Or where mum can move her new fella in after 3 months but dad shouldn't introduce his partner of almost a year to them in case they break up and the children get confused.

If we're being honest, I think we all know women who use children as a weapon and think having a child with someone gives them a say over their ex's life and relationships.

My ex husband tells everyone he knows how bad and guilty he feels for leaving me while I lay in hospital and was struggling to get through everyday.
However he has failed ever to tell me that and also having left me I'm buggered if he will ever set foot in my house again. he wanted to come back several times once he realised how hard real life was but I said no.
We were married for 20 years.
This is because I have some self respect, I know what boundaries are and I'm a strong independent woman with my own career, own home and money, I don't need him. Anyone who walks out of that door needn't think they can come back so they had better be damned sure it's what they want.
My view is he left you. He has been gone 2 years, please have some self respect and move on. It's clear to me he will never come back.
once you have accepted that
Train for a career if you don't have one, learn to take care of yourself, do your own DIY it isn't difficult. There are hundreds of tutorials on youtube.
You don't need him to go on holiday with you. You don't need him to go to the cinema with you. He can do all those things with his daughters with his girlfriend, you don't need to go.
It's hard but let go. It doesn't matter what he said or how guilty he is - he left you and hasn't come back so he's an ex. That's it.

OP he has moved on.

Once new partner came along he has rightly changed his mind and the agreements you made about staying a family in that way no longer stand as wouldn't be right for him and him.

Him and her sorry.

You are completely batshit crazy.
Pull yourself together because you look desperate and unhinged, I feel sorry for your ex and his girlfriend because of your unreasonable expectations, the only one confusing the children is you.

Well we now have silence...o ... what's that noise? Is it the sound of a penny dropping ???

OP you look desperate. Stop messing with all your heads and let him go.