New DP and back handed compliments

[MoJoBangles]

I met DP a few weeks before lock down so very new relationship. He has been very complimentary from the start of the relationship (abit too much tbh), however I've noticed a change recently where he will say something mean, followed by a compliment and I'm not sure if this is a deal breaker.

Things he has said include:

"I used to find stretch marks a turn off but I find yours sexy"

"your vagina isn't the prettiest but it feels the best I've ever had"

"I know it's weird but I love your stomach" (I've had 3 DC so he knows I hate my stomach)

To be honest, the part about my vagina really upset me the most as I have always been abit paranoid about how it looks (I've never let him know this though). I feel like never letting him see it again.

When I raised the issue, he said he wants me to know his compliments are genuine and therefore he is being honest but I've never asked him to review my body parts and I would never do the same to him (and his body is far from my type). He has a hang up about the size of his penis but I would never say to him that I enjoy sex despite his small dick.

He also seems to be fishing for me to say he's the best ive had in bed but to be honest he's not, so I would never say that to him but I give positive feedback and tell him I enjoy sex with him.

Its starting to really irritate me and I'm not sure if it's a deal breaker or whether I'm being too sensitive but I'm worried I'm being negged by him.

He's really lovely in every other way and has made his feelings for me clear from the start but I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is so terrible at compliments. I've been in abusive relationships in the past which really tore down my self esteem so I have lost perspective on what is "normal".

Should I give him another chance or should this be a deal breaker?

Is his intelligence level extremely low?

Or is he abusive?

Perhaps he's both?
Whatever he is you've really got to get shot of the insulting hypocrite bastard.

@TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg has said everything.

Happy dumping OP> I agree with PPs. You deserve so much better than this

Ditch.

These are insults intended to make you feel no one else could tolerate your body but him . Don’t be fooled....he’s a controller.

He has probably been watching these two charmers who claim to be professional Pick Up Artists. They run bootcamps training men how to neg etc.

We need to show men that negging results in being swiftly dumped.

Oh god look at them. How utterly revolting. They must have to work VERY HARD at their job

I wouldn't like that, I'd feel very uncomfortable too.

It would be a deal breaker for me.

I also immediately thought NEGGING even before I’d read your whole first post. He sounds absolutely vile. Get rid. Lockdown is the perfect time to end it as well as you don’t have to see him ever again.

There's a whole subculture of this shit followed by inadequate men who think women need to be manipulated into having sex with them. It's deeply misogynistic, get rid as if he was fleas

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pickup_artist

The techniques those PUA train men in are very rapey. There was a documentary on TV about the whole pick up artist scene last year...Jesus Chris it was horrible to watch.

Run for the hills!

He would have been gone from the first back handed complement.

Prick.

This type of bullshit is ALWAYS deliberate.🙄

I'm glad you've seen the light!!

AND DO NOT let these comments define you!

It could be negging or it could be that he has no filter - there are some things you shouldn't say to someone. In either case, the decision you have to make is if you want to stick around to find out which one it is and if you'll be able to tolerate either quality.

Deal breaker - you'd hold on to it forever and it'd come up in every argument. He's comparing you to other woman. If you feel you can keep trying tell him it's disrespectful to compare your vagina or any other body part to anyone/anything he's seen! And if he does it another time after you've told him then no more chances!

Also, just imagine if you said 'I used to find small, shrivelley penises unattractive, but I really like yours'???!!!!

Have you dumped him yet OP?

He has a hang up about the size of his penis but I would never say to him that I enjoy sex despite his small dick.

Oh my God. NOW it makes sense!!! He's trying to cut you down to size because he has a self esteem problem about his penis!!! That's totally where what vagina comment came from! He's trying to make you feel as rubbish about your parts as he does about his, in an attempt to level the playing field, if that makes any sense. He was you to have insecurities too, so it would seem (in his head) that you are more well matched, looks & body wise. His aim might be to instil enough insecurity so that your eye doesn't wander onto other men because of his penis size - in his head he wants you to think, 'Well I want a guy with a bigger penis but how can I expect that when my vagina is ugly'?

Jesus. A guy with a small penis I knew once has terrible self-esteem and it poisoned his romantic relationships. He tried to drag me down with him to make himself feel better (I put a stop to that) and this guy sounds pretty similar.

So many funny comments here . Sorry to drip feed but there's no 'edit' button!

He sounds awful, OP

@Wondersense seems to have him sussed.

@MoJoBangles is he in the bin yet?

I would give him a taste of his own medicine
" I enjoy sex with you , despite your small dick "
See how he likes it