New DP and back handed compliments

[MoJoBangles]

I met DP a few weeks before lock down so very new relationship. He has been very complimentary from the start of the relationship (abit too much tbh), however I've noticed a change recently where he will say something mean, followed by a compliment and I'm not sure if this is a deal breaker.

Things he has said include:

"I used to find stretch marks a turn off but I find yours sexy"

"your vagina isn't the prettiest but it feels the best I've ever had"

"I know it's weird but I love your stomach" (I've had 3 DC so he knows I hate my stomach)

To be honest, the part about my vagina really upset me the most as I have always been abit paranoid about how it looks (I've never let him know this though). I feel like never letting him see it again.

When I raised the issue, he said he wants me to know his compliments are genuine and therefore he is being honest but I've never asked him to review my body parts and I would never do the same to him (and his body is far from my type). He has a hang up about the size of his penis but I would never say to him that I enjoy sex despite his small dick.

He also seems to be fishing for me to say he's the best ive had in bed but to be honest he's not, so I would never say that to him but I give positive feedback and tell him I enjoy sex with him.

Its starting to really irritate me and I'm not sure if it's a deal breaker or whether I'm being too sensitive but I'm worried I'm being negged by him.

He's really lovely in every other way and has made his feelings for me clear from the start but I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is so terrible at compliments. I've been in abusive relationships in the past which really tore down my self esteem so I have lost perspective on what is "normal".

Should I give him another chance or should this be a deal breaker?

Trust your gut OP.

If things are bothering you this early on, then take note of that.

And yes, it will only get worse.

Just weird. Dump and run

Sorry but I’d absolutely join in - “Yeah I know what you mean - I always used to think that size was important but your cock is really cute” etc.

Have a little fun until he’s reduced to an insecure wreck, then dump.

Negging.
Bin.

Deal breaker. I would never see him again after one of those comments.

This man is horrible.
Can you imagine saying to a friend ‘I don’t usually hang out with thick people but I really like you’. He’s being so manipulative. Don’t fall for it.

Fucking dickhead!

Are you actually still seeing him during the lockdown?

Dump him.

Call him out on it.

It’s classic negging bullshit that he’s got off a website somewhere

The fact that he feels this approach is an appropriate ‘strategy’ is grim enough
Get rid

What a knob. Get out.

Urgently get rid.

Sorry but I’d absolutely join in - “Yeah I know what you mean - I always used to think that size was important but your cock is really cute” etc.

Yeah it is ironic that he chooses to review ops body parts with a "shit sandwich" (or rather he isn't giving her compliments to one criticism, do I suppose it's shit on toast) but somehow doesn't expect the same treatment back.

your boyfriend of a few weeks is making mean comments??

what do you think you should do?

Ditch him and make sure you add this in while you are ditching him:

"even although your penis isnt the biggest, I do enjoy sex with you, its just not the best I've ever had. I'm looking for something better long term"

He's not making you feel good about yourself, and this early on in a relationship, it's game over. There's no future in this relationship.

Not even sure what a "pretty" vagina would look like. Vajazzled? I can't think of any genitalia, male or female, that could be described as "pretty", even covered in glitter.

I agree with other PP, it’s definitely negging. Please read up on it. There are books and groups who train men in this by professional pick up artists PUA. They are nothing but sleezy twats who in my opinion are training men to be rapists.

The only impression I get is just how fucking weird they are, just strange things to say.

Very, very weird. I would not rule out that he's got some difficulty with basic social rules but whatever the reason he needs to stop right now.

I'm not a fan of just saying LTB but in this case it's not unreasonable.

and also, I don't think he knows what a vagina is

If he was using the word correctly then things have gotten very odd indeed for OP.

I would never say to him that I enjoy sex despite his small dick.

Why? Apparently he thinks that's fine.

He's not half as lovely as he's pretending to be.

Dump and run.

Negging small dicked wanker.

Where is he now? He's not living with you during lockdown is he?

He's not a partner by the way. He's a very new boyfriend. And he's mean. So DTMFA and grow some boundaries before you start dating again.

Red flags galore

This ^ Definitely part him the same type of “compliment” and see how he likes them apples!

Wow, I wasn't expecting such a unanimous response, thank you.

No, we are not in lockdown together but we talk every day on the phone and I really enjoy our conversations until shit like this comes up. I will definitely feel alot more alone if I end things which I guess is why I've tolerated this so far despite it ringing alarm bells. He's only 29 and not had many relationships so thought it was due to naivity rather than being a twat. I agree he's very insecure.

@Pamela, this is so tempting 🤣

Of course it’s a deal breaker! He sounds completely awful.

If he’s saying this sort of stuff now, imagine it a year down the line. You wouldn’t have a shred of self-esteem left.

Thank goodness you don't live together. And during lock down you don't have to see him.