New DP and back handed compliments

[MoJoBangles]

I met DP a few weeks before lock down so very new relationship. He has been very complimentary from the start of the relationship (abit too much tbh), however I've noticed a change recently where he will say something mean, followed by a compliment and I'm not sure if this is a deal breaker.

Things he has said include:

"I used to find stretch marks a turn off but I find yours sexy"

"your vagina isn't the prettiest but it feels the best I've ever had"

"I know it's weird but I love your stomach" (I've had 3 DC so he knows I hate my stomach)

To be honest, the part about my vagina really upset me the most as I have always been abit paranoid about how it looks (I've never let him know this though). I feel like never letting him see it again.

When I raised the issue, he said he wants me to know his compliments are genuine and therefore he is being honest but I've never asked him to review my body parts and I would never do the same to him (and his body is far from my type). He has a hang up about the size of his penis but I would never say to him that I enjoy sex despite his small dick.

He also seems to be fishing for me to say he's the best ive had in bed but to be honest he's not, so I would never say that to him but I give positive feedback and tell him I enjoy sex with him.

Its starting to really irritate me and I'm not sure if it's a deal breaker or whether I'm being too sensitive but I'm worried I'm being negged by him.

He's really lovely in every other way and has made his feelings for me clear from the start but I'm not sure I want to be with someone who is so terrible at compliments. I've been in abusive relationships in the past which really tore down my self esteem so I have lost perspective on what is "normal".

Should I give him another chance or should this be a deal breaker?

Holy fk.sone posters seriously talk down to ops on this forum. There are ways of communicating what you think to someone without talking down to them - and with the implication that you're an elevated embodiment of perfection in "self worth" and judgement yourself.

How does that help?

It helps in that op knows (though she probably did already) that her (ex?) Bf is also unable to name female body parts correctly, on too of all his other incompetence.

Besides, it irritates me when people including lots of women, call vulvas vaginas ; I have to listen to idiotic statements like "I was getting my vagina waxed and .." and the more people who have it highlighted that noone has ever had a "vagina" waxed, the more likely I won't have to continue to listen to things like that. We should know the right words for basic parts of our anatomy, right. Especially when it's comes to affecting our sexual health, pleasure etc.

But by all means keep sighing.

He's a nasty bastard.

Please do mention his tiny cock when dumping him.

Reported you Ragwort, totally unnecessary comment.

And we all know it's vulva. No one fucking cares about being pedantic about vagina/vulva. I hate those Hermione-esque "it's VULVA, not VAGINA".

Don’t compromise Op, you’re worth so much more.
Dump the dickhead.

I wouldn't carry on, but to make him understand say..

I thought sex with a man with a smaller penis would be a let down, but your quite good ..

Fling it back

Gilbert The OP herself used the word too.. when she’s feeling down is it really the time to correct her? And yes I will keep sighing.Thanks for letting me.

"your vagina isn't the prettiest but it feels the best I've ever had"

Yuck. Just yuck.

You can do so much better OP

Vile and disgusting man please have some self respect you don’t need him in your life - move on.

And we all know it's vulva.

Lots of people don't - even on here.
It gets on my tits, we all have things like that.

The OP herself used the word too.. when she’s feeling down is it really the time to correct her?

I thought op only used it in quoting him.

If she didn't however, sorry op - was not meaning to correct you.

And yes I will keep sighing.Thanks for letting me.

Where did I say I "let you" carry on with your sighing, that makes no sense whatsoever.

What a sad little man he is.

I'm going to go against the trend and say maybe he's a bit dense and clumsy in expressing himself. If so you need to point out that a compliment doesn't include a negative, otherwise it is hurtful. Some people aren't manipulative players, they really are just a insensitive... which in itself might well be a deal-breaker!

You said “ by all means keep on sighing” . Your permission was implied.

You need a witty one liner to dump him by text op.
Then block..
.

Another vote for binning the manipulative shrimp dick.

Please please please don’t make the mistake of excusing behaviour that makes you feel like shit as someone being insecure.

If someone deliberately makes nasty comments, even if they are disguised as compliments, it’s because they are nasty, destructive people and you should run a mile.

Excusing things like this will see you deep into an abusive relationship before you know it. Red flag = get the hell out, NOT ‘oh it’s because of x, y, z’. x

You said “ by all means keep on sighing” . Your permission was implied.

No it wasn't, it was an acknowledgement that you'd keep doing (continue to have that attitude) no matter what I said ... But in any case this is a pedantic and silly little de-rail from the main topic and helpful to no-one, so .....

Move on already!

Ditch him, he is being covertly rude. It will be worse later.

It will escalate

Jesus OP the fact he feels entitled to appraise your body like that is sickening. Please don't stay with a man pig like that. He's already knocking your confidence. The vagina comment is so mean and unnecessary, that would be the end of it for me. I wonder if he feels inferior because of his micro penis and so is trying to tear you down too... in fact I don't wonder, I'm pretty convinced of it. Get rid of this horror of a man - you deserve much better

Agree with posters who say that he is negging you.
He is building you up, so that he knock you down and then he will be able to control you.
You will lose confidence and he will take advantage of that. You have already started obsessing about your stomach and vagina .
Get rid of him

Dump him

Agreed Gilbert