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Original poster

Relationship and finances

169 replies

crossroads1 · 31/03/2020 02:32

Hi all.. bit of a long post here so bear with me. There are 2 things that have been running through my mind lately.

Me and my fiancée got engaged last year - wedding will be postponed due to corona - but a little while ago he opened up to me about his finances. Now don’t get me wrong he is very stable, has a few properties and is very smart with money however he told me he made a lot of mistakes when he was younger which has resulted in him taking Loans and being in debt. His finances are something that is affecting him badly as he knows with a wedding to plan money is crucial. He used to be frivolous but def isn’t anymore.. which leads me to my next point.

Him and I have an amazing relationship his personality is exactly what I’ve always wanted in a man but this thing with his finances has turned me off a bit as he asked me to take a 15k loan for him which he will pay back due to me having a good credit rating and a low interest low. I don’t question him paying me back but I’m turned off and a bit resentful that he even asked me. I mean he made those mistakes when he was younger not me but now I’m feeling I have to suffer because of his out of control spending.

Also I’ve been comparing him to my ex who was awful!! But the one thing ex never did was ask for money help.. in fact he had to declare bankruptcy as he didn’t tell me the extent of his debt.

I really love my other half but am annoyed I’ll have to take a loan for him on my name. Of course I want to help him he cries and his hair even falls out because of the stress. He thought I would leave him and says I deserve someone better who can give me a better life. I know money isn’t everything and he’s by no means poor but I can’t help feeling a little hard done by!! All those fancy holidays nights in casinos etc and now I’m here with the bill it seems!! We don’t go anywhere fancy in fact he really limits his spending because of the mess he’s in. To also be clear he will pay me the money so he says .. it’s just to clear some other things down on a lower interest rate. I haven’t gone through with anything yet but wanted advice. I do trust him but can’t help this feeling of disappointment. Thanks all

OP posts:
category12 · 31/03/2020 16:31

If you took out a loan for £15k - then you (and he, assuming he's true to his word) would pay interest on that. To an outside agency. Wasted money. Unnecessary debt.

If you loan him the money out of your savings, he can repay you in the same installments and either you can not charge interest, or he could repay you the equivalent of the interest you miss out on the savings (or slightly higher), (most savings accounts having shittily low interest rates presently), and still he would be repaying less to you than he would to the loan company. So you'd both come out ahead (or no worse off) .

Laurendelight · 31/03/2020 16:36

I would say trust your instinct. Your instinct is telling you not to marry someone you don’t feel / know you can trust.

Dozer · 31/03/2020 16:37

Stupid decision to take out a loan for him.

Don’t marry him!

Dozer · 31/03/2020 16:39

You suggest he is “smart with money”: what is the evidence for this?

People who are smart with money don’t ask their partners for £15k.

Do you have a written agreement with him about paying you back?

GodolphianArabian · 31/03/2020 16:50

If he views cash as king why doesn't he have any? Don't lend him any money!

Sushiroller · 31/03/2020 16:51

wait.. PP if you marry someone do their financial mishaps get transferred onto your name even if it was from before you're married?

Do some internet research and see how keen you ar eto hitch your cart to that dodgy horse.

Also last time i loaned a boyfriend money i got 800 of the thosand back and it was a nightmare i gave up in the end and just dumped him. It was worth it to be free of him

BemidjiMinnesota · 31/03/2020 17:31

Somebody who is good with money wouldn't be crying, losing his hair and begging his girlfriend to get a loan to bail him out because of 'cash flow problems'. If the loan was only a case of him getting a slightly better interest rate it wouldn't prompt this OTT reaction; this is obviously someone who is very, very bad with money.

If he wants you to get a £15,000 loan and he'll pay you back a couple of hundred pounds a month, he'll be in your debt for over 6 years. Six years of resenting him, and wanting to leave him but needing your money back. Just no.

You've had a lucky escape; he's shown his true colours before you were legally tied to him. It's not possible to respect a man like this.

pinkyredrose · 31/03/2020 17:51

He's talking shit. How long have you been together OP, do you live together?

Wer2Next · 31/03/2020 18:32

Credit check in front you.

How much debt altogether?

Do you BOTH own where you live now?

Wer2Next · 31/03/2020 18:34

If you marry him remember remember:

Mi casa su casa

Whats yours is his and vice versa, looks like he has more to gain marrying you.

Ghostontoast · 31/03/2020 18:45

What’s in it for you apart from taking the burden of his debts?

Nights in casinos - likes gambling by any chance?

mumieone · 31/03/2020 18:48

Sounds like a love scam. Absolutely NOT!!

Guiltypleasures001 · 31/03/2020 18:49

Has he got a gambling problem op? None of his explanations make any sense,
So he's awash with property and deals etc, but needs you to get him a loan.

Naw I wouldn't do it, he's hiding something

Guiltypleasures001 · 31/03/2020 18:50

And have you seen these credit card balances? Is he going to cut them up?

jimmyjammy001 · 31/03/2020 19:01

Alarm bells should be ringing here getting you to take out a 15k loan! Tell him to sell one of his many properties if he's that desperate!

WatchingFromTheWings · 31/03/2020 19:02

Is he going to cut them up?

My exh was a fan of running up credit card debts, then taking out loans to cover it, then taking out more card debts, then taking out another loan to cover those.....then extending the mortgage again to clear everything. After he'd done that twice he handed me his cards and I cut them up for him.

What he did then was phone one credit card company and tell them he'd lost his card, so had a new one sent out. Then he applied for one of those online credit card companies (so no card, you just transferred everything online) so there was no card or paperwork coming to the house.

By the time I found this out he was a few more thousand in debt. Getting the cards cut up didn't stop him, he just found other ways around it.

LightDrizzle · 31/03/2020 19:09

Hmmm. Thanks to Coronavirus the Bank of England has slashed interest rates to a historic low, which bank has raised the interest payable on his loan? Have you seen the letter?
Do not lend him this money, he’s full of shit this “cash is king” merchant.

To have a hope, he needs to sit down with you and lay out his financial situation, assets and liabilities and income and outgoings all backed up with documentation. You need to see bank statements, mortgage and loan agreements, the lot.
You are not being told the truth.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 31/03/2020 19:15

So they're rentals and he part-owns with friends - so what? He goes to his friends and says: I need to release my share of the equity in these houses. Can you buy me out or shall we sell?

But he'd hate to admit that, I reckon. He seems to be all about the image...

ZoeandChandon · 31/03/2020 19:25

Just in case another person saying the same thing helps, don’t do it.

Noconceptofnormal · 31/03/2020 19:33

I smell a big rat with this he's definitely not telling you the whole story here. He wouldn't have got approved for all these btl mortgages if he had a bad credit rating. And as pp have said if he had he would remortgage the houses rather than build up credit card debt or ask you.

I don't think he has half the equity and money he's made himself out to have. I would ask to see the paperwork of all the properties he's meant to own and the yearly mortgage statements. You're meant to be marrying him so you've a right to know about this stuff.

But tbh I would really pause before you marry this guy. He's clearly a bullshit artist and I think that he is now stressed as the edifice has now started to crumble and he's about to be found out.

I was once with a guy like this, biggest mistake of my life and I lost a lot of money through being with him. But eventually I cut my losses and I thank my lucky stars I did. He was a nice guy and I cared about him deeply, and wish him well now. But he would have ruined my life with his attitude to money and finances.

CallmeAngelina · 31/03/2020 19:48

Is his income secure with Corona Virus? Is he going to be able to repay you monthly for the foreseeable future?

His "investments" could be about to take a nose-dive.

Steer well clear. PLEASE.

Thehop · 31/03/2020 20:14

Tell him to give you the credit card statements and a settlement statement for the loan and you’ll pay it yourself with the 15k

No way will he do it.

Because he’s lying.

Sally2791 · 31/03/2020 20:50

Do not take out this loan- and don’t marry him! It all smells very bad.

Ghostontoast · 31/03/2020 20:53

His story smells of shit!

SittingAround1 · 31/03/2020 21:11

How much has he got invested in other businesses ? Is he making any money on these? Why did he invest money instead of paying off his debts?

Don't get the loan out for him. I 'd be questioning my entire future with him, especially if you're planning on having children.