Relationship and finances

[crossroads1]

Hi all.. bit of a long post here so bear with me. There are 2 things that have been running through my mind lately.

Me and my fiancée got engaged last year - wedding will be postponed due to corona - but a little while ago he opened up to me about his finances. Now don’t get me wrong he is very stable, has a few properties and is very smart with money however he told me he made a lot of mistakes when he was younger which has resulted in him taking Loans and being in debt. His finances are something that is affecting him badly as he knows with a wedding to plan money is crucial. He used to be frivolous but def isn’t anymore.. which leads me to my next point.

Him and I have an amazing relationship his personality is exactly what I’ve always wanted in a man but this thing with his finances has turned me off a bit as he asked me to take a 15k loan for him which he will pay back due to me having a good credit rating and a low interest low. I don’t question him paying me back but I’m turned off and a bit resentful that he even asked me. I mean he made those mistakes when he was younger not me but now I’m feeling I have to suffer because of his out of control spending.

Also I’ve been comparing him to my ex who was awful!! But the one thing ex never did was ask for money help.. in fact he had to declare bankruptcy as he didn’t tell me the extent of his debt.

I really love my other half but am annoyed I’ll have to take a loan for him on my name. Of course I want to help him he cries and his hair even falls out because of the stress. He thought I would leave him and says I deserve someone better who can give me a better life. I know money isn’t everything and he’s by no means poor but I can’t help feeling a little hard done by!! All those fancy holidays nights in casinos etc and now I’m here with the bill it seems!! We don’t go anywhere fancy in fact he really limits his spending because of the mess he’s in. To also be clear he will pay me the money so he says .. it’s just to clear some other things down on a lower interest rate. I haven’t gone through with anything yet but wanted advice. I do trust him but can’t help this feeling of disappointment. Thanks all

In what way is he well off ?. Does he splash the cash ( he hasn't got ) , drive a nice car ( that he can't afford) , go out and spend loads on nice meals and drinks ( that he doesn't actually have the money for , because he wants YOU to pay for it ?)

I would want to see everything , credit score and all his debts portfolio, before even considering marrying let alone getting a loan.

Why are you saying he is very smart with money?

This is how he has presented himself to you (flash?) but he wouldn’t be in so much debt if he was smart with money.

Dodge. DoDgE. DODGE !!!

Do not take out a loan for him op!

Also as many previous posters have said it sounds like BS about the properties ..... if he was that hard up / in dire need of a cash supply he could sell one of the properties,

Whatever you do DO NOT take out a loan for him.

Liar liar pants on fire

Him not you

How is it possible that he can own a few properties yet can’t get a loan for 15 grand???

Even if he inherited the properties rather than working for them, why is his solution that you borrow money for him rather than him taking responsibility and getting a mortgage or selling one.

I think it’s a really good thing for your sake that the wedding has been postponed.

Do not loan him money. Do not let him manipulate you by crying and saying his hair is falling out.
Someone who behaves this way does not love you and is not a good bet as a long term partner.

He has a "few' properties. Do you know how many. Why can't he sell one. How long have you been together, have you met his family.

To echo everyone else - DO NOT TAKE A LOAN OUT FOR HIM, or loan him money in any other capacity!

If he really does have a few properties then he can sell/remortgage one of those assets to get the money he needs.

Be VERY wary! You might trust him and believe he'll pay you back but you have no guarantee of this and will most likely be left in a significant financial hole with no recourse.

Absolute bullsh** !!

Do NOT fall for it.
Do not give him a penny.

He is having you on. If he has property he could sell it or remortgage, rather than begging you for a huge sum. And if he was 'good with money' he wouldn't be in this situation. You should also have a good hard think about whether marrying this guy in the near future is sensible. How long have you known him?

P.s He is probably just going bald naturally anyway. Many, many men develop hair loss. Doesn't mean it's stress.

He's had this debt since he was younger yet he owns 'properties' and hasn't managed to pay them off????
Something here does NOT add up.
Do NOT get yourself into £15K of debt for this guy.
He sounds really manipulative as well.
Please sit down on your own and really thing about all his good and bad points.
Take off your rose tinted glasses because there is something very wrong here.

I wouldn't even marry him. My exh was good at running up debts and keeping them hidden. He took out credit cards and loans left right and sideways through the duration of our marriage. I got stung for half of them upon divorce.

At the very least he needs to sell one of the properties to get himself straight, not saddle you with a loan. Why should he be sitting on all those assets??

There is no way on earth I would take out a loan for this man.
He owns property you say- well there is his fix.
He sells one, sorts his debts out long term and going forward you have access to everything and make decisions together,
This won't be everything, there will be more debts hidden.
Please don't take out a loan, you will be back here I. A few months time saying he's left you with a £15k debt.

He clearly does not own properties.

What happens if you say no?

Another one saying don’t take the loan and don’t marry him.

Tell me, are you the one funding your ( joint ) social life, since you say he’s careful with his money ?

Do you live together ? Is it his place or yours? Rented or mortgaged ?

If you really believe him and want to help him, do this:

Ask him for all the paperwork on his properties, tenancy agreements, statements from managing agents, documents from his solicitor and accountant, mortgages, debts, loans, bank statements, accounts and tax returns for him (and his company , If it’s not in his own name).

Explain that you want to help him but don’t know the best way to do so, and want to get independent advice . Say that you are going to get some advice from your own accountant so you understand everything. After all there might be a better way to tackle his financial problems.

(Remember that getting expert advice on big financial / legal decisions is a smart thing to do. That’s what rich people do. It’s not a judgement on him - it’s about you wanting to understand what you are getting into. )

In the unlikely event that he agrees to this, take all the paperwork to an accountant of your own - nothing to do with him or anyone he knows. See what they say.

It will cost you a few hundred pounds and it will be the best money you have ever spent . Because it will show you either

1. He’s been totally honest with you, he’s a lovely genuine man who you know you can trust and you can build a future together . He will he so grateful for your help and know that you are taking this issue so seriously.

Or

1. He’s been a fool when he was younger but he’s basically telling the truth now . You can put marriage on hold and work together to help him sort out his money problems. You can educate yourself about money and set some boundaries. Decide later if you have a future together, once he shows you that he’s grown up and learned from his mistakes.

Or

1. He’s a liar who is after your money.

I suspect that you won’t get as far as an accountant. Because in all likelihood he will throw a major tantrum when you ask for the paperwork, saying

“ I don’t have any paperwork, it’s all with accountant / business advisor”

or “ in that case you are showing you don’t trust me and our relationships is over”.

Or “ I thought you were different but you are just a gold digger like my ex”.

And sad as that will be, it will show you the kind of man he is.

What PPs said.

Why doesn't he sell one of his properties to release equity and pay the debt?

None of this adds up.

He needs to sell a property.

Do not take out a loan. Just do not do it.

It would be a dealbreaker for me, him pushing me to do this.

He needs to sell a property and he needs to call stepchange for help with his debt.

If he loved you he wouldn't want to risk your future financial stability.

Also if he's claiming he'll be able to afford to pay you back monthly then he needs to call stepchange, tell them the amount he can pay monthly and ask them for help contacting who he owes money to with a payment plan for that amount. If he can afford to pay you monthly he can afford to pay them monthly. His problem to sort.

out of all your options number 2 is most likely. thank you

Also, just because he's not as bad as your awful ex doesn't mean he's a good guy. A lot of people fall into this trap (staying with someone because they aren't as bad as a former partner) and and up miserable.

Amy chance these are gambling debts?

And end up*

thank you for all for your responses - Ill clarify a few things.

I have been to his properties which he gets a rental income from. He is on a joint mortgage with a sibling and I have seen paperwork for this. He cant sell because they are rental and they supplement a large part of his income and he owns them with someone else.

When he was younger he was a fool - the casinos, flashy lifestyle, partying- i have known him for nearly 10 years, we were friends for a large part of it and then got together. He has also helped me out when I was in a bit of pickle.. I know Im making him out to sound like a con artist but he has made everything very clear to me.

I offered to help him and give him some cash to clear this debt to which he said no. Another of his friends has offered to do the say but he doesnt take money off ppl - he said he would rather get the low interest and then pay that back. I am also slightly naive about loans - i have never taken one and have built up a good credit history. I could afford the 15k myself, Ive always been good with money but I worked hard for this for me, not for anyone else.

He said he felt really bad about even having to ask me but that he doesnt know who else to turn to. His brother had taken on some of it. I do believe he will pay me back but then again do you ever know anyone...

I know he has got himself into a mess but tbh it isnt my problem. Yes I would like to marry him because even though I am making him out to be a right b*llend I do believe people make mistakes and try to rectify it. I just dont want to be the rectifier!! He is cheeky to even ask me .. Im not materialistic or flashy myself but I would like to lead a good life without money worries. I built this up all by myself. The problem we have right now is his finances, that aside we have a great relationship.. but money does make the world go round...

He said he felt really bad about even having to ask me

Bollocks.

Say no. Today. His problems are his responsibility. See how that goes down.

It makes no sense to say I don't want to take money off you, but I do want you to take out a loan for me. It's still taking money off you, only potentially putting you in the shit.

Op, please don’t take out a loan in his name. It will not end well.