Relationship and finances

[crossroads1]

Hi all.. bit of a long post here so bear with me. There are 2 things that have been running through my mind lately.

Me and my fiancée got engaged last year - wedding will be postponed due to corona - but a little while ago he opened up to me about his finances. Now don’t get me wrong he is very stable, has a few properties and is very smart with money however he told me he made a lot of mistakes when he was younger which has resulted in him taking Loans and being in debt. His finances are something that is affecting him badly as he knows with a wedding to plan money is crucial. He used to be frivolous but def isn’t anymore.. which leads me to my next point.

Him and I have an amazing relationship his personality is exactly what I’ve always wanted in a man but this thing with his finances has turned me off a bit as he asked me to take a 15k loan for him which he will pay back due to me having a good credit rating and a low interest low. I don’t question him paying me back but I’m turned off and a bit resentful that he even asked me. I mean he made those mistakes when he was younger not me but now I’m feeling I have to suffer because of his out of control spending.

Also I’ve been comparing him to my ex who was awful!! But the one thing ex never did was ask for money help.. in fact he had to declare bankruptcy as he didn’t tell me the extent of his debt.

I really love my other half but am annoyed I’ll have to take a loan for him on my name. Of course I want to help him he cries and his hair even falls out because of the stress. He thought I would leave him and says I deserve someone better who can give me a better life. I know money isn’t everything and he’s by no means poor but I can’t help feeling a little hard done by!! All those fancy holidays nights in casinos etc and now I’m here with the bill it seems!! We don’t go anywhere fancy in fact he really limits his spending because of the mess he’s in. To also be clear he will pay me the money so he says .. it’s just to clear some other things down on a lower interest rate. I haven’t gone through with anything yet but wanted advice. I do trust him but can’t help this feeling of disappointment. Thanks all

What does he want 15k for?

yes in essence I would be responsbile for this, he says he will ay me monthly but people lie dont they?!

And he does fancy himself to be a wheeler dealer - this is exactly what I meant by saying he is smart with his money, he has a lot of investments and his finger in many different pies but when it comes to solid cash he doesnt have it. Many of his investments are with different people so taking out equity is a risk for him.

Loan wise - the loan i am getting has really low interest whereas his interest is much higher which is why he wants me to take it out for him and him giving me the monthly installments. It seems to be common practice amongst his group of friends for people to be lending money taking out loans, many of them go into business deals with eachother etc.

This is what I meant by saying he isnt poor as he has a lot to his name but shamelessly asking me to take the loan out for him really irked me to the point where I question marrying him. If i say no to him we wouldnt break up but I know it will cause tension as he is trying to clear this off as quickly (and cheaply interest wise) as possible...

Have any of you lent money to a significant other and how did it all end up??

When were you planning on getting married?

This is what I meant by saying he isnt poor as he has a lot to his name but shamelessly asking me to take the loan out for him really irked me to the point where I question marrying him.

As it would me.

Did he say what this money is for? Perhaps you said and I missed it.

Instead of being a 'wheeler dealer' which clearly isn't working for him as he's in massive debt, he needs to get a real job, knuckle down and pay off his own debts.

No way would I be taking out loans for or marrying a wheeler dealer who couldn't manage his own finances.

You are a mug. You are taking the loan out regardless of what anyone on here has told you or advised you.
He is not smart with his money because he wouldn't be in this position if he was.
If he has investments then he needs to cash them in and not rely on you to clear his debts.
If he was good with money he could get his own low rate loan.
Stop burying your head in the sand and see this for what it is.
Tell him if he needs money then he needs to go to his family.
You have no fall back from this at all when he leaves you with the debt.
Have you seen any paper work at all; have you ever seen his statements, proof of these investments anything that is actually true.
Standing in a house that he claims to own isn't proof of anything other then he had keys to a house.
Please don't be one of the 100's of ladies we see on here every year that believe the utter crap their partner tells them and then have to come back and admit they should have listened.
Listen now DONT TAKE OUT THE LOAN!

he said its to pay off credit cards. he took a loan from the bank many years ago which he has been slowly paying off. But as my interest rate is lower it will mean his monthly payments will be lower - make sense?

We were planning on getting this year or early next year but nothing is set in stone due to covid.

And if he really has an lot to his name' he needs to liquidate some assets to pay off his debts. Even if he's in business with others he could sell his share or let his business partners buy him out.

I think you can smell a rat. But don’t want to
What he is telling you doesn’t make sense
I would never take out a loan for anyone else 15 K is a lot

What do you actually know about him & his background except for what he tells you?

The reason his interest is so high. Is due to the amount and his credit rating

He got himself int he shit. Let him get himself out the shit. He's 34!!!!!

Good god. Don't marry him either. Until his debt is taken off. Otherwise it becomes your debt too.

wait.. PP if you marry someone do their financial mishaps get transferred onto your name even if it was from before you're married?

he said its to pay off credit cards. he took a loan from the bank many years ago which he has been slowly paying off. But as my interest rate is lower it will mean his monthly payments will be lower - make sense?

But the loan will be in your name so if you split up you'll be left to pay back all of it. And don't say you're not going to split up or he'd pay you back anyway cos that's very naive!

DP loaned his very lovely brother a fairly large sum of money 7 years ago. Never paid any of it back, just excuse after excuse as to why he can't.

I also loaned my sibling 10k a few years back. She repaid every penny of it and then some..

i know if we go ahead with this we will crash and burn becauase I will start to resent him even more then I am currently feeling.. and thats just from him asking me!! Imagine if this actually went through and he missed a payment god forbid.. there would be hell to pay.

If you are financially linked, yes, your credit rating can take a hit. You are financially linked by being jointly named on bills (eg council tax or utilities), having joint bank accounts etc. Sometimes an address link can be made by having the same household address at the same time, but people in HMOs aren't financially linked so this isn't always the case.

The thing to know about credit records is that they improve over time. A default or a pattern of overspending more than six years ago won't show. Less than six years and more than 3 isn't good, but it's not terrible for your credit either - lenders will be able to see that pattern of behaviour has ended. He may not get the best rates, but it shouldn't be completely unavailable.

However. If his credit is so bad, it's likely to be because the poor financial management has only recently ceased, or is still ongoing. I would be extremely wary as it doesn't seem as if this behaviour is as far in the past as you're making it sound... and that in itself is problematic.

I'm also concerned about the rate on the loan going up. It's not how personal loans usually operate, although mortgages do transfer to the SVR at the end of the term and need a new fixed rate. Who's the lender? He's better off approaching them to renegotiate the remaining term on a switch product than going elsewhere. Interest rates have been cut. It also improves his credit if he is consistent in his repayments. Paying it off early using credit from elsewhere is a red flag for "borrowing from Peter to pay Paul" in affordability terms.

Wheeler dealer my foot...he sounds like Del Boy...without the laughs..

He's up to his eyeballs in debt with his dodgy friends and whatever they are up to.

Crying and loosing his hair with stress...

He's not told you the half of it...

At least you know OP....you knew not to do this...go ahead and do it...marry him...and never have a moment's peace with him and his Del boy ways...

You'll get it eventually...when you are so tied to him, that you have no choice....

You will always be watching your pennies...because you married a wide boy.......

You were warned....

All his assets

All his property

All the that he owns here and there

And he's crying and loosing his hair and trying to tap you for 15,000....

Come on OP, really.....??????

Are you that naive???

Go and see a financial advisor together. Look at his credit report with the financial advisor. This will show everything. If his credit was bad he wouldnt have got buy to let mortgages in the first place so debts have been run up since then.
I wouldn't marry him. It's a legal and financial tie.

Right so in summary:

He's made a cheeky as fuck request

You know it's cheeky

You know you'd end up resenting him

You know you're taking on the risk and he's actively wanting you to do so

You know his attitude to money is questionable

WHY ARE YOU NOT BREAKING UP WITH HIM?!

And "because he's nice a lot of the time" isn't a good enough reason to marry someone if they're an irresponsible, unreliable, immature man who wants you to do something that is zero risk for him and a lot of risk for you.

And this is before the pressure of having children, which you know you want. What will he be like then if money is an issue? Knuckle down and get a job? Or will he continue to try and get rich through wheeler dealer schemes that never come off.

Stop saying he's 'smart' with money - what you mean is that he is stupid with money. He tries to play the system but fails because it doesnt result in him being financially stable.

You don't sound like you're going to end it with him which is incredibly worrying.

And he does fancy himself to be a wheeler dealer - this is exactly what I meant by saying he is smart with his money,

He patently obviously isn't smart with money. He's all hot air and no substance.

You seem determined to get yourself in a fix on his say-so. Why?

Don’t do it

I think you should reconsider the plan to get married too as you will be tied into his money worries.

I suspect his eye will be on your own savings next OP, if you were to marry him. More cash for him to be “smart” with.

You would be completely mad to take out a loan in your name for him. Mad.

No way would I lend money/get married without knowing the full circumstances.

He needs to be completely open, detailed spreadsheet with his assets and all the debts. I think you will find he is in debt overall.

Money is a major source of conflict in marriages and you have very different values. He will always cause you major stress.

Dont marry him without a full frank look at finances. DH of 2 years has recently disclosed £10k of debt. I'm furious and it's nearly ended us. He married me knowing he had that debt, making it a marital liability. We were about to start trying for DC2 but no way we can afford that now. I had been working hard to build a life for us and he had happily gone along knowing how much he owed but burying his head in the sand. Get him on something like credit karma or noddle and check his credit report. That will show you what debt he is in. I wouldnt take out a loan for him. I have adjusted our lifestyle but DH will be paying off debt or how else will he learn to manage money if I bail him out altogether? Why does he want to drag you down financially with him? What happens if you split or if something happens to him? He needs to sort out his own mess and be completely honest about his situation.

He took a loan "many years" ago, has been paying it back all that time and still needs 15k?! Seriously op please please rethink all this.

Also "This is where I mean he is smart he says cash is king" and "he does fancy himself to be a wheeler dealer - this is exactly what I meant by saying he is smart with his money, he has a lot of investments and his finger in many different pies but when it comes to solid cash he doesnt have it" please imagine these words about some bloke you met in a bar. They are not smart words they are snake oil salesmen words.

@Buffering

Exactly...Del boy🙄

OP, he doesn't sound smart at all...he sounds dim.

Adding to the "please don't do this" posters. Slightly different situation but I have a girlfriend who's husband took out a joint loan (she didn't want to, it was more a case of keeping the peace). When they divorced he left her high and dry and somehow she paid it all of while being a single parent to 3 kids.

Please do not put yourself in such a stressful position.

Also, I personally think that he should not be putting you in this position. He created his own financial situation, he's kept it under wraps until you're at the point of marrying him, and now he wants you to take on a significant financial risk on his behalf?

Everyone has different financial boundaries and you are perfectly within your rights to say "I am not putting my name to £15k of debt with nothing but a verbal guarantee that you'll pay up".