Is he manipulating me or am I losing the plot?

[NoMoreMarbles0]

First ever post so please bear with me...I have a bf...with his a year. I also suffer from depression. I feel smothered to the point my depression has crept in to the point it’s never been this bad, but when I try to explain to him he reflects it back. He wants to spend every single second I have free with me. I tell him I need space and I get ....I’m sorry for being such a good boyfriend....or....why would you feel like that? .....I barely see my friends and when I do he makes me feel guilty for it....but says things like ...’sorry for wanting to see you when you have free time’. He’s nice...people on the outside looking in think he’s prefect but I’m miserable and not sure if it’s me or if he’s manipulating...or is he’s oblivious to any of it. I told him I needed some time to sort myself out and he says....’so what you’re saying is you can’t be bothered with me anymore’ and ‘so it’s all my fault you feel like this, is it?’. But this is constant. If I don’t text saying I love you he messages.....do you still love me.....how much do you love me...why can’t you tell me you love me. Or if it’s not that he will message...do you miss me...how much do you miss me...do you miss me more than I miss you. And then his mum does the same, she messages stuff like....awwww he misses you, do you miss him. Or ....you’re lucky to have each other, don’t you think?...this is the tip of the iceberg. If I communicate how I feel he tells me I’m wrong to feel like that. Am I losing my marbles? Is he manipulating like I suspect? It is he oblivious?

Yes, he is manipulating you, and you will lose your marbles if you stay with him.

I haven't read past 'I'm sorry I'm such a good boyfriend.'

He's a dick. Get rid of him.

I haven't read past 'I'm sorry I'm such a good boyfriend.'

Same. That jumped out at me straight away. Such a manipulative thing to say. Bin him!

Fucking hell! Block both him and his mad mother.

He is making you depressed. Keep repeating this to yourself. He comes from a dysfunctional family and his behaviour is disturbing. End it now and change your number. This is the perfect time.

A 'good' boyfriend wouldn't smother you and prevent you from seeing your friends and family.

He is awful. Get rid.

Six years I’ve just got out. I feel SO much better. Don’t be like me.

I think I’ve been a bit blind to him. He does things in such a way that on first appearance it’s a nice thing. He’s never said I couldn’t see my friends...but will turn up early if he’s offered to pick me up...be in the phone texting the whole time I’m not with him...accuse me of ignoring him if I don’t reply straight away, and just generally make me feel guilty about going out. He would never ever say I don’t want you to go out with your friends. My eyes are being opened x

Run in the opposite direction. NOw. Like the wind. This will just get worse

He's ramping up the control. You need to get rid now. It'll only get worse.

He is a scared, angry, abusive little boy, and it's time you saw that and set yourself free.

The message from his mother made me feel sick, and I'm probably older than her.
Dump him, and block both of them.

As above

And, are you totally sure his mother's ones are actually from her or is he using her phone to send them?

It's controlling, coercive behaviour from him. If it's really her then she's totally batshit

Use this time self isolating wisely and put him on block
Wow

Save your mental health. Dump him. It will only get worse.

This is full on controlling be thankful you aren't stuck living together and dump him! Perfect opportunity to do it and block...

I try to explain myself but he either completely doesn’t get it or he does and he ignores it, and I’m left feeling worse. We did talk about a future....things we would do later in life...live together and stuff...but he packed his job up almost straight away...got one closer to me...even though it means an hours drive for him. When I say I need space he uses the job...’why am I doing all this for our future, I even got a job up near you to be closer so we could spend more time together’ ....this is what makes me question myself. Whether he’s just genuinely a nice person or if he could be manipulating me...and then I think, does he know it? Or is he really blind to it? All I’ve asked for is some space to get my head together. You thought that the messages might be from him but I really don’t know coz up until things have gone quite sour she did message me a lot. When I’m feeling low I don’t like physical contact...he was messaging asking when we can kiss and cuddle again and I said I wasn’t there yet and to please not put pressure on me....I got a reply ‘eh! How is that putting pressure on you...you should want to do these things. I’m your bf’ ...but he’s right. I should want to but I don’t, it’s why I question if I’m the problem

Jesus....get away from this man. This control will only get worse.

You are being abused. Google the Freedom Programme.

He is the problem but then it wouldn't matter if you were the problem as the relationship isn't working for you.

You shouldn't stay with someone who is making you feel miserable.
I'd get away from him and find someone less intense.

Just dump him. Put him out of his bizarre, needy and manipulative misery.

Your ‘needing space’ thing is just prolonging the agony.

Oh OP, if you hadn't said you'd been with him for a year I'd have thought I'd just recently dumped the same bloke!

It's controlling, pushy and manipulative. He's saying his wants and needs come first and you should move over to accommodate him.

Mine would say the exact same things. 'I'm such a good boyfriend aren't I?' We'd make plans and he'd turn up early. Just cancel his work appointments and say he's on his way. I work from home and still had shit to do but he'd turn up anyway. He would constantly find excuses to turn up at my place unannounced, 'I was just passing and brought you a coffee' etc. It was suffocating. I was already making plans to ditch him but as you say, he was so 'nice' that I felt bad, put it off (it had only been a few months).

The last straw (I made a thread about it) was we had made vague plans to meet on the saturday and would speak about times etc when I woke up (I work nights and sleep late). He turned up announced at 6:30 in the morning ringing my doorbell and phoning incessantly. Then he called through my open window and said 'alexa, turn on the light' then 'alexa, set alarm for 5 minutes'. I got up, told him to fuck off, and blocked him on the spot.

This will get worse. He doesn't respect you, your feelings, or your boundaries at all. Please just block him.

... but he's right. I should want to but I don't, it's why I question if I'm the problem

You say you 'should' want to, but you don't. That's because he is not the right person for you. You are not the problem, he is.

Don't bother to try and explain anything or reason with him, there is absolutely no point. He will argue black is white until the cows come home, and wrong-foot you.

Yeah you’re right he does do that...pushes me into conversations I don’t want to have and when I finally tell him how I feel I’m somehow wrong...or he doesn’t understand...or I need to get that out of my head. Or lasts night message ‘you’re really starting to show how much you want us aren’t you’ then two minutes later I get ....I hope you’re having a nice night xx

Oh well done on dumping that guy, Sparklfairy, I remember your thread.

OP, this is really unhealthy and your instincts are bang on. You're miserable and that tells you everything. It wouldn't matter if he was the best boyfriend ever (he isn't), the relationship doesn't make you happy. But for the record, he's manipulative and controlling and it'll get worse.