Is he manipulating me or am I losing the plot?

[NoMoreMarbles0]

First ever post so please bear with me...I have a bf...with his a year. I also suffer from depression. I feel smothered to the point my depression has crept in to the point it’s never been this bad, but when I try to explain to him he reflects it back. He wants to spend every single second I have free with me. I tell him I need space and I get ....I’m sorry for being such a good boyfriend....or....why would you feel like that? .....I barely see my friends and when I do he makes me feel guilty for it....but says things like ...’sorry for wanting to see you when you have free time’. He’s nice...people on the outside looking in think he’s prefect but I’m miserable and not sure if it’s me or if he’s manipulating...or is he’s oblivious to any of it. I told him I needed some time to sort myself out and he says....’so what you’re saying is you can’t be bothered with me anymore’ and ‘so it’s all my fault you feel like this, is it?’. But this is constant. If I don’t text saying I love you he messages.....do you still love me.....how much do you love me...why can’t you tell me you love me. Or if it’s not that he will message...do you miss me...how much do you miss me...do you miss me more than I miss you. And then his mum does the same, she messages stuff like....awwww he misses you, do you miss him. Or ....you’re lucky to have each other, don’t you think?...this is the tip of the iceberg. If I communicate how I feel he tells me I’m wrong to feel like that. Am I losing my marbles? Is he manipulating like I suspect? It is he oblivious?

So glad you got away from him and you're in a better place now, OP

Great update thank You for coming back

Well done on getting rid of him. I'm surprised he didn't try to move in with you, these types do that to control you even more.

I remember you OP... fantastic you have moved and are in a much better place

What a whingey, whiney, needy pain in the arse - just dump him. Don't worry, his mum will kiss it better.

Oh, you did get rid of him - well done! Something positive that came out of 2020!

Hi OP, I remember your thread. I don't know why I didn't post on it, but probably as it was a bit raw for me at the time, I had also just ended a very similar relationship, mine was 18 months and I too was so suffocated by him that I just couldn't think straight.

I too look back at that now, practically a year later and I go cold at the thought of it. I think as realize now how it's not so easy to see the obvious from inside the situation, until things get so bad then doubt ourselves about our thoughts. I take deep breaths now and say phew. It was so amazing to start out with, but then that jealous controlling side sneaked in. Actually it didn't it was there the whole time, it was just a bit more subtle to start with.

I hope you are doing well, and I'm so pleased you came back with an update.

Oooh good for you...fantastic update. I hadn’t read this thread before but as I did I was like...dear God woman run like the wind!

Someone who wants to factor that prominently would only ever end up crushing and consuming you. He sounds horrific.

Oh I love an update. Thanks so much op for coming back, and with such great news too.

OP - that’s brilliant. People who have never been in an abusive relationship struggle to understand the fog/confusion you feel, how you start to doubt yourself.

So brilliant that you posted on here and got such great (unanimous) advice

Sounds like you’ve found yourself a control freak. What was his relationship with his father like? Could he have learned this behaviour from his parents?

It sounds to me like he isn’t the man for you so I’d probably just cut my losses now and end it.

It’s not going to improve and he won’t be able to change his default behaviour (even if he wanted to).

This is scary, he is a control freak and will totally smother you for ever. break up with him now before he destroys your life.
My first husband started off like this and ended up becoming violent. It was a nightmare.

What a great update, op, thank you for coming back. Wishing you a very happy 2021!

Oh love, dear @NoMoreMarbles0, you’re a warrior! Look how far you’ve come?!

This man was v dangerous to you, you can see this clearly now, he could have ended your life, but you got help and you got out!

Amazing, well done

How are you feeling in yourself now? Have you had time to look at the freedom programme? It’s not a magic bullet, but doing the course, with the support of your therapist, you’re going to be able to put in an effective shield of self belief that will protect you from those looking for vulnerable people to exploit.

I’m so pleased for you. I’ve had depression and been abused, but not at the same time, hats off to you love!

Thanks for the update! This was really cheering to read. Well done!

That's manipulating and draining on you
If you doubt someone's behaviour it is usually with good reason.
Plan no future with someone who lacks boundaries and respect
Perceptions from the people you know do not have to read the texts, put up with his shit
Good bf comment would of set my block button.

Fantastic update! Well done x

OP you should dance! You're free! You were smart enough to wok your way out of a situation designed to drown you.

Yaaaay! You are unstoppable!

This is the man who changed all his social media to my name....he got my face printed on his bank card....how was I so blind too it!! It’s all so clear now!! x

@NoMoreMarbles0

This is the man who changed all his social media to my name....he got my face printed on his bank card....how was I so blind too it!! It’s all so clear now!! x

oh my god that terrifying.... like really frightening