Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

simon I think we all have an inner Dave, desperate to get out!

I’m struggling to find the right level of contact between keeping it going and beung too much. I think I’m also over thinking 🤔.

Keep up the good work @Menora

When I was the same age as your DD I had a fairly hopeless feeling about me, mainly because of Thatcher. I read a lot and had some creative urges then ...

There is the Coronavirus section on here which seems to have sticky posts collecting ideas for kids of various ages. I don't think they specifically address hope though. Teens tend to work these things out venting amongst themselves - hopefully your DD has her friendship group in touch with her. My DS thinks this all plays into his hands for his future career as a YouTuber 🤦‍♂️

Good luck everyone else too, I hope you are all well along with your loved ones. Sorry to read of those that are unwell, I wish you all rapid and uncomplicated recoveries.

My dating was proceeding at a glacial pace anyway, so I don't see this as anything like an interruption to that . Before this all kicked off I had a couple of weekends with Miss O and after those I got the feeling that it was just about sex for her and I'd kind of hoped there would a bit more development of it beyond that. We appear to be very attracted to each other in the flesh but messaging has died a death. If we saw each other frequently that wouldn't be an issue but that wasn't possible and now there are even more hurdles.

Like others on the thread, I appreciate it's a stressful time and it just doesn't feel like the time to be making demands of someone. By the same token I'd like to be in the sort of situation where we would naturally turn to each other to let off steam.

I agree with everyone it's a really stressful and weird time.

I hope you all have people to talk to. I have my friends and family but do wish i wish i had a good iron to talk to.

I've just blocked an iron because he said he didnt like my behaviour and it has really upset me altho I dont know him well. he has been ill so been isolating and feel like I got the brunt of his frustrations. I hate people thinking I'm a bad person.

I have my FWB iron who speaks on and off but tbh i dont want FWB. I dont know if I should just cut him off. he does brighten my day sometimes so will be nice to speak to just now but again dont wanna use him. not that I think hell give two hoots if i stop talking to him. because he is happy to take a back seat if/when I meet other people. any help in this area?

I think the apps are pretty dead just now, I thought they'd be busier. I should stop using them but tbh I'm really lonely. but also dont want to get over invested in someone I dont know and cant meet for a good while. thats why I like talking to FWB because I've already met him altho he isnt looking for a relationship (with me snyway) .

urgh sorry for the long depressing post.

For a bit of entertainment, I signed up to Badoo. One photo and my profile just says "here for a chat while we can't go out".
I've had a few weirdos and sex pests but I'm chatting to a couple of nice men. Probably no dating potential but it passes some time.

It’s day eleven of Homo-Alono

Dave has out done himself today, he emptied every single toy box in MiniSJTs room, what a twat.

Keep well everyone, I know we’re all generally stuck inside, but fitbit has a 90 day free trial for premium at the minute.

Also, watch talkart on instagram, it’s on now but available for 24 hours. Features Russell Tovey for those who would like to climb him.

I think as well some people when stressed go into themselves and others reach out. Some of our irons could be the introverted type or just be avoiding their phones completely

@iamthrough, @Jane1978xx, @HairyArsedMan - am in exactly the same boat. Managed 5 dates with Mr Beard over two weeks - which is an unprecedented level of enthusiasm from me - DTD (a LOT) on the last two dates, and now we are in lockdown on opposite sides of the city. We never even had the exclusive chat, though he pretty much said he was only looking for one person. Last time he dropped me home I asked if he thought we'd see each other again and he said 'of course, as soon as this is all over' but ... it's so hard to know how often or in what depth to message each other. Our messages used to just be quite filthy and now it's all 'how are you?' and stuff... I don' t know, maybe it would just be too frustrating to have phone sex now... And it's silly but I kind of miss him and want to say so but I can't.

And @SimonJT surely everyone wants to climb Russell Tovey? Thanks for the tip x

We’ve been together 3/4 months now and I told him I’d miss him. A lot of our messages were about sex we were going to have or had lol. We still talk and message each day but there’s not much to talk about and don’t want it to be all doom and gloom. We’ve talked about stuff to do in the summer and our kids meeting and that still stands.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. I've ended things with MrC and I don't know whether I've just made the biggest mistake of my life. 😭

You old timers (I mean that with love of course) of the threads will know he had a huge hangup on the saying "I love you thing". He still won't say it and I've had enough. I don't think after nearly a year together I'm asking for too much 🤷🏻‍♀️. He says he has really strong feelings for me and cares both me but his heart is too shut off by losing his mum a couple of years ago to let anyone else in because he can't face losing anyone else. So now he's lost me. Fuck. I never thought I'd have the balls to do it but despite being absolutely perfect in every other way he's not giving me what I need and I'm not settling for nearly perfect I'd rather be on my own (which I am for the next 3 weeks anyway 🤷🏻‍♀️)

Have I been an enormous twat? 🤦‍♀️

Oh jesuis I’m so sorry! How did he take it?

Wow @jesuisprest that's some impressive standard setting. I can't understand why he won't say those words. My bf tells me every day. Perhaps he will see how much you mean to him with some time apart and give you what you need.

There's nothing like a global pandemic to make you step back and see what's important to you.

I feel strangely calm @shitwithsugaron, it's been building for a while and I knew it was coming. He didn't.. . When I kiss someone goodnight, I want them to say "night babe, love you", when I leave I want them to tell me they love me and speak soon. He just couldn't do it. Apparently he does love me, but he's not in love with me due to his ishooos. That's the death knell of any relationship isn't it? Oh God, it's like Meatloaf's 2 out of 3 ain't bad 🤦‍♀️ This is the man who messages me and phones me constantly, we see we other 5 days a week, but he not in love with me?!

@Notcoolmum Maybe he will. I hope so, but if he doesn't then I've got my answer ☹ Call me an old romantic but I want my man to be completely smitten with me (as I was him). If he can't get there for whatever reason it's not up to me to cajole him, persuade him or try and fix him. He needs to get there himself doesn't he?

@JeSuisPrest that's impressive boundaries. Hope he realises very quickly that he has made a mistake.

Yes. You can't cajole him into this. He has to see for himself what you mean to him and what his life is like with and without you. He has said he's not in love you? That's painful.

I just don’t get it really jesuis. Why is he so sure that there is a difference between loving you and being in love with you? Is it just semantics? Or does he not feel strongly enough about you to fight for you?

This is going to sound so pathetic. He had an unrequited love years ago. He obsessed over this girl, they were great friends. She helped him through a really rought time in his life. He said he was absolutely smitten with her and thought that's what love is. She never felt the same back. He says he doesn't feel that way about me 🤷🏻‍♀️ The man messages /calls me every minute he is awake and not working. I've met all his family, we've spent holidays together, we see each other constantly, he waits on me hand and foot, never let's me lift a finger - he does all the cooking and cleaning (I do try!), remembers every little detail about my life and yet he's not in love with me like he was with the teenage girl who wouldn't go out with him 25 fucking years ago! I can't make sense of it!?

@JeSuisPrest has he got specific issues though? My relationship with my FWB is nowhere near the level of you and Mr C but he also was infatuated with a woman who didn't feel the same. He said he made himself ill obsessing over her. I still think it's a barrier to whatever we have because he thinks she had this unbelievable effect on him and no one comes close. Unfortunately she passed away too so even more frozen in time. Sometimes, I think, you have to choose whether to live in the past or move forward. Mr C needs to do that really. Good on you for standing up and making your voice heard.

@JeSuis
A year is still a short amount of time, sometimes love takes a while to grow.

I would say his actions show that he loves you but if that isn't enough for you then you've done the right thing.

I posed the question the other day about what is love and how does it feel.
Maybe he doesnt know himself but I kind of understand his reluctance to say I love you just in case you lose that person, you're opening yourself up to being vulnerable and sometimes that is difficult to overcome.

I hope you can get this resolved and you dont regret your decision in the morning.

He says its nothing to do with her, funny how he mentions her every time he's drunk though 🤷🏻‍♀️

This is going to be so outing, but fuck it, this is the message I sent...

@JeSuisPrest, it sounds like you have a very close relationship with Mr C, but with one vital element missing for you. How did he react when you told him that you were done ? I think you are going to have to see how he reacts in the coming days. You say you knew it was coming but he didn't. It has obviously been playing on your mind.