Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Good evening and love to all who are doing their bit in these difficult times, whether that is frontline medics or mums/dads keeping their DC safe and reassuring them.

Im not quite home yet, have travelled five hours on empty roads today. Brief, 2m-plus encounters with people on the way, people seem calm but preoccupied of course. I’m not seeing Mr GN until after this is all over, we both have too many responsibilities and it would be selfish. But we’re both very positive that we want to be together so we will be!

Two old irons (mr mad and mr bike) have popped up and I’m happy communicating with them - they are alone and scared and we’ve always got on well, so I don’t see the harm?

That has to be very hard. All the work over the 2 years. The two days for the final piece really are an achievement which is now all gone. And very suddenly.

I really feel for all the youngsters who are being denied the rite of passage that are final exams - year 6, year 11, year 13 and final year undergraduates. It’s so unsettling for them. menora maybe she can find art teachers online who can guide her on a suitable project?

Would the art project become part of her portfolio, so still important even if the final project isn’t graded?

Feeling a bit down at the moment. I saw Mr Army was online and he stayed online for about 30 minutes or so. I was expecting a message from him just to say hi or something but nothing ☹️ I know he has a lot going on but he had time to send other people messages so why now me

@SimonJT, good point about adding pieces to her portfolio.
@Dancerinthemoonlight, is this a dating app ' online ' or whatsapp? I guess if you can see he is online then he can see you are too. I feel for you as you are clearly smitten and have had a couple of lovely dates. This limbo of isolation isn't going to be easy to negotiate but particularly for those of you who have met someone that they would prefer to be able to see freely ( in order to move things on or test it out more thoroughly ) what kind of conversations have you had with Mr Army about how you are going to manage during virtual lockdown?

I was due to see Mr Photography tonight but we were beaten to it by last night's announcement ! As someone said earlier though, not the most important thing at the moment. Let's just hope and pray that this time passes quickly and with a collective responsibility we will emerge out the other side of it.

It was WhatsApp. I know he is probably messaging his family or work colleagues as they are prepping to step in.
Everything just got a bit much today so I went for a drive and sat in a car park and cried. It's the loneliness and the perceived loneliness of the next few weeks. I don't really have any friends and those I do are on the front line/key workers so don't have the time to talk.
I'm very much smitten with him. He remembers the small stuff. Like one time we were talking about food and I said I don't like mushrooms in an offhand comment. The following week he is telling me about what he is cooking and remembers that I don't like mushrooms.
We haven't had any conversations about it, we both knew that he was going to be busy the next few weeks but said that we would find some time to see each other but that's not an option at the moment.
I'm hoping it will pass quickly (hopefully before 6 weeks is up - selfishly as I was looking forward to celebrating my birthday for once this year. I told him to be free I wanted to celebrate with him)
I'm sure he is just busy but the ex really screwed with my emotions last night and I don't trust him not to try and find out who he is and warn him off.

I wrote a long post out but it’s gone now

She has done a lot in the portfolio and will finish it but that’s it

I got really angry at Mr M today and yelled at him a bit and I also cried a bit in my car Dancer
Just frustration really

It's frustration and feeling completely useless at the moment. I thrive when I am busy and have tasks to do. I was getting ready to go back to work post surgery and I can't even volunteer to help or they will take my sick pay away and I will be left with nothing.

@Dancerinthemoonlight it could have been a WhatsApp call. Did you message him hi ? I’ve been getting paranoid about mr g reading and not replying or being online but he has a large family and lot of mates which I need to remember. Then I thought he was being short with me for a few days. I don’t think he prob was 🤦‍♀️. Then yest we had a lovely long convo about stuff to do in the summer . I think we need to keep our cool. No one is going anywhere and we need light and fun Convo to keep us going until we can meet back up

@Dancerinthemoonlight, @Jane1978xx

Sorry dancer - I’ve only been dating for a short time in fact just 3 dates before COVID-19 , but the little I know is this:

If he wants to text you - he will. Stop making excuses for him - he’s busy, he’s stressed, he only has 30 minutes to talk to his family and friends. As one of my IRL friends pointed out when I was doing the same -presidents and PM’s of super power countries found time to text thier gf’s and run a country. They are never that busy.

This doesn’t mesh he’s not smitten. Your ? Might have Been pressure and he’s working out a response, or how a lack of response will be received by you.

As we sense shifts in men chatting, or our intuition warns something is around the corner, so do men.

Keep calm - and let him come to you ..

@Myfabby not excuses , but if he has limited time I’d rather he messaged his mum and kids than me. I know where we stand and i don’t need lots of messages to show me that. These also aren’t normal times at all

#dancer I would seriously consider having this exact conversation right now. There is enough going on and for you to deal with without any bullshit dating ‘games’. You have some serious feelings and you need to look after these. Please consider negotiating a time to talk to him so you can help your expectations.

My new (which is in some ways quite ridiculous) iron, who I will call Mr Toad, and I have agreed to call each evening unless the other is too tired, but to communicate this. All heady new stuff but bugger me if I am going to be jilted around with two kids and grandparents on lockdown.

@Myfabby I would normally agree but not in @Dancerinthemoonlight current situation. He's called Mr Army for a reason and these are not normal times. Dancer you do need to have the conversation as soon as you can however you also know he's slightly preoccupied currently. Doesn't help that you're stuck in not working either...

I wouldn’t expect normal contact right now either, I haven’t heard from a few very close friends or my ‘nother mother, they have more important things to prioritise right now.

In other news a guy called Dave is living here, Dave’s a twat, sometimes he leaves mugs everywhere, or does farts that smell like dog shit. Last night Dave left loads of cigarette butts and beer bottles all over the balcony, he also dropped toast on the rug jam side down, what a prick. This morning Dave woke everyone up as he dropped the bar dead lifting, selfish wanker.

I got message from him at midnight just saying that he has been mad busy and got a lot going on. It's just the last few days that conversation has dropped off but then it's just the last few days that they are really prepping to step in.
Spoke to a friend who is in the army in Wales and he said that he probably just doesn't have time and it might look like he is online but could be talking to his unit. They barley have time to sit down at the moment.
He has blue ticks etc turned off, I just knee he was online as I was messaging my dad.
Going forward I'm just going to treat things light and be there for him when he gets in contact. Had a lot going on personally yesterday which didn't help. I'm just going to see where we are when this is all over as there is nothing else I can do.

@Dancerinthemoonlight for what it's worth, I think you are doing the right thing. It's a very unprecedented time at the moment. I would personally wait till all is over before making any big decisions. I do think this space will be a good test for all.

@eesha thank you. There is no time to have a conversation of where it's going and it's completely the wrong time to ask. He is quite rightly pre-occupied and too busy.
Think I might treat it as of he was deployed because it's basically the same thing. He will get in contact as and when he can.

I think I'm just feeling a bit useless at the moment because even if I was back at work I wouldn't be doing anything as all events are cancelled. Maybe I just wish I'd have done something more worthwhile and important as a career choice but then I love the organising and everything that goes into making events happen.

I think everyone needs to be extra compassionate and forgiving for now. It will call calm down, and things will get back to normal. They we can sort out if things are right or not. @Dancerinthemoonlight - I think you're doing ok. It's normal to be emotional. Don't suppress it but don't let it take over. Mr Army sounds lovely but also probably super busy and stressed. Let him know that you understand, but want a quick "hi" whenever he can.

I'm going to try to sort out issues around stbxH and children, isolation, my health and then take a break and chill.

It's only been in the last few days that communication has been pretty non existent from him. But then its also in the last few days that they are really ramping up to step in.
Going to take it one day at a time and what will be will be. I can't control of when wants to still see me or talk to me when all of this is over. Hopefully he does but only time will tell. Think it will be a testing time for a lot of people who are dating and in relationships

Hi All, Have been reading and trying to keep up with everyone and clearly everyone is handling this current situation differently - which is as it should be everyone's circumstances are different. At the moment I think we all just have to do what works for us as individuals whilst obvs keeping to new rules.
Just before things got really serious re Covid I met with a new iron Mr Mobile and we really hit it off. We managed to get a couple of dates in - actually we were on a date and went as far as DTD on the evening Boris announced full lockdown so my happy post sex bubble burst fairly rapidly! We've talked everyday since we first starting messaging and feel ironically that I've found "a good one" at the very time I can't actually get out to see him! I obviously don't know when we'll see each other again - and can only hope this extended period of no contact doesn't ruin the spark we shared.
Really feel I may have found someone special (but am aware that could be the post sex hormones still) Keeping my fingers crossed my instincts aren't wrong with this one!!!