Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ideally it should be 50/50 starting a convo but I think I still start 80 % but then mr g always rings me . I don’t think it really matters as long as you aren’t sending 3/4 messages in a row with no answer.

Also feeling the whole resentful thing today about life, men, relationships etc

Most of my exes ended up being horrible to me and while I don’t see myself as a victim I’ve had to take a long hard look at the fact that I just allow them to take all my power away from me every time. I’m so weak sometimes

I really struggle with bad communication with Irons and it’s always been a flaw of mine to have what feels like too much expectations of people’s time. I don’t mind none of the good morning or good night ones but unread texts for hours, one word replies or constant excuses as to why they can’t talk to you is what I seem to end up with (Mr M). Also being someone’s depression sponge. Then I am sitting waiting for the phone to beep and trying to be all light and happy. I just am so unsure of where my life is going to go anymore. I can’t live to work my whole life and die alone with 5 smelly dogs or something

Yes @Notcoolmum we’re going out to shop but we have to see each other anyway to hand the kids over so him coming in for dinner didn’t make any difference.

Glad you are managing things with (or without) Mr B

I’ve found it just depends on the sparkiness of the conversation @Eesha. When I like someone a lot it and have something developing with them having met, it feels natural to say good morning etc. but very much less so with a new conversation. That just has to flow naturally.

I’m on the ‘seeking new conversations sat 2 metres from everyone else bench’ at the moment. Miss O confirmed that it was really all about the hook ups by letting the conversation dwindle through this period of isolation before ending things. I took it in my stride as I could see it coming a mile off and I wasn’t getting anything like what I’d hoped for from things. Back to the drawing board then...whatever that looks like right now.

@HairyArsedMan @Jane1978xx I think as mine is early days plus no end in sight with lockdown, I might just take a mini step back. I had gotten used to regular messaging really but it's ok.

@HairyArsedMan messaged you, you'll be ok!

@Sunshineandflipflops It’s weird having someone else in your house isn’t it, I lived in flatshares until three years ago, so I should be used to it, I was wrong. It’s more awkward for him obviously. He won’t come out and say that I’m messier than him and not as picky about household cleaning, instead he cleans things when he thinks I’m not paying attention. He irons socks Now it’s been a few weeks we’ve finally settled into a bit of routine/both relaxed quite a bit.

@Savoretti They’re okay, to be fair MiniSJT is a very easy child (well, at the moment, I know it won’t last), saying that he’s on the balcony screaming his head off right now just to piss everyone off. MrNN has a six year old little brother which probably helps. Plus it means unlimited access to lego, thats the main attraction.

I also discovered he likes (virtually obsessed) with DIY chateau thing with that man with a worse moustache than me. He watches it everyday at 4pm without fail. I think I’m living with a grandma.

@SimonJT

@SimonJT Dick Strawbridge! I like that programme too because I’d love to live in a chateaux in France.
Yes, it is weird getting use to living with someone again but having said that, he helped me paint a room in my house today and is now cooking a curry for us while I sit in the garden with a beer so won’t complain too much 😂

MrNN isn’t particularly useful apart from his ‘secret’ cleaning, the only thing he can cook is pancakes, DIY is definitely out of the question (although not a lack of will). I’m just pleased he has finally stopped asking permission to do things “can I help myself to a glass of water?” AHHH! He’s just relieved when I shut up 😂

There's something really nice about those chateaux DIY programs - I'd love to live in one, but then by the end of the show have always changed my mind once you see how much hassle and money it takes!

How is everyone faring after the great chocolate feast? I've been using my exercise bike quite a lot, but still seem to be putting weight on. No doubt directly linked to all the snacking I'm doing while sat at home.

I'm still speaking regularly to Miss H - she's working long hours a lot of the time, so don't always get much of a response but we had a nice text session this evening, and I've realised I actually do like her quite a lot, and have been missing her.

Also I've just had a text message from Miss Confusing!!! Head f**k! I've not spoken to her in over 2 months after she ended it, and have been doing my best to get over her. And now she gets in touch!!! I must admit to having thought about contacting her at times, but have always decided against it.

Quick check-in from me: Had another really long phone call (2.5+) which was light/breezy/warm (with a few dips into deeper personal stuff) just talking about life in general. Texting has been sparse today, but I think the penny is dropping on my side that lack of texts really isn't personal. Can't wait for lockdown to end to see if this is actually going somewhere.

@mrdrummer if you are speaking on the phone for that length of time I don’t think you need texts too. I speak to my bf now an hour ish every other night and we don’t really text any more unless we think of something we want to share with them right then. We don’t do how are you etc on text now.

@TheCatWithTheHat what did she say ? Will you reply ?

@MrDrummer i think it all sounds really promising, 2.5hrs!!! Definitely this has legs!

@TheCatWithTheHat this might just be boredom though so be careful with letting yourself get carried away.

I didn't hear from MrHotandYoung yesterday. We have been texting continuously for about 3 weeks so unfortunately I'd got a bit overinvested in having regular light flirting so am disappointed. The last few days it's been me saying hello first etc so I purposely didn't do anything yesterday and nothing actually happened! Argh!!! Trying to be cool with it....

In the days before mobiles, no one would ever have been bothered about this texting mallarkey!!!

Be careful Cat she might be just bored. What did she say? From my own experience these perma depressed types who never know what they want are good at keep hoovering you back up and it feels horrible when they don’t, you are always sitting waiting even though you tell yourself you aren’t....
I would worry about that

I have tried to get a few irons going but my heart is not in it

@TheCatWithTheHat. I would also advise caution with Miss Confusing. To be honest I have been chatting lots to a couple of old irons for no reason other than I have time on my hands (I think they both know that though) and you didn’t give her that name for nothing!

@Menora yes I get that, it seems a bit like an academic exercise talking to new people now with no idea when lockdown will end, and there is the feeling things can go off the boil unless they are really good conversationalists. Which the majority aren’t!

The sunshine has helped me get into the zone with lockdown a bit more. Getting a tan, exercising like crazy, hanging out with my kids. Last night we all played Uno then watched Blinded by the Light (nice feel good film if anyone is interested - free on Amazon Prime). Today got a virtual social from work and will tackle my roots.

I do quite envy those of you locked down with partners - but then it is also nice not having to care what I look like or about making a good impression on someone 😀

Trying not to dwell on the fact that I should be on holiday this week ...

Yes they are all so bloody dull and boring! Nothing to say! I have been asked on a phone date this evening and thought why not. So phone date at 7. One guy keeps messaging me simply saying he can’t wait to go on a date with me. I said ok well let’s get to know each other. All he says is hi he has zero chat.

I have taken some time away from work and this has helped me get some balance back. I was honest with my boss about how much it was all affecting me so right now I am lying in bed!

@UtterSocks Oh, I’ve already apologised to Mr Ad for the decline in giving a shit on the appearance front. I haven’t worn makeup (apart from the odd lick of mascara) since I went to a funeral about 3 weeks ago but I’m thinking of the money saved 😂

I should also be away this week in Cornwall and the weather would have been perfect. Trying not to dwell on it too much though and appreciate the sunshine from my own back garden. It would be so much worse being in lockdown if the weather was awful.

@TheCatWithTheHat yes, I would also be wary of Miss Confusing. These people seem to have a habit of cropping back up when you are doing a good job of moving on and you said yourself you are missing Miss H so don’t let Miss Confusing spoil what sounds like it could be a good thing.

@Menora oh me too I hate the ones that just say hi or lol. Make an effort!
@sunshineandflipflops yeh that would be me, I look like a cave woman right now. And MrBeard is super image conscious so lucky he can't see me. Even feel bad on the Amazon delivery guy having to look at me

but then it is also nice not having to care what I look like or about making a good impression on someone

Yeah, we’re not bothering with any of that.

I also think the attached image id what MrNN is going through, only I’m just as talkative and clingy.

@UtterSocks only the Tesco delivery driver sees me these days!

@Jane1978xx

We only speak on the phone about once a week and I am the one that always suggests it... We have discussed why that might be which seems plausible. (although perhaps too outing to put here). She definitely is playing her cards close to her chest. She def says she is up for talking until we can have another date. We've had two already, but no physical contact other than a hug at the end (and a sly kiss on the cheek from me ;) ).

@Eesha
Thank-you. I just want to crack on and know one way or another. I don't know why I am stressing. We have met twice, we have had 4-5 really long calls (all 1.75 hrs +) over the last month.

Maybe it's because I know I am investing more than she is at this stage.

@MrDrummer it's just a rubbish period with regards to dating but I think the fact that you have had actual dates and still continuing to chat tells me this has some substance. Hope it works out for you!

Thank-you @Eesha :)

One positive thing I did do recently was I re-read "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" (abridged) by Susan Jeffers. I would recommend it to anyone that in any way suffers from confidences issue or is stuck in circumstances that don't make them happy. Plus it's only £1 on Amazon!

@Jane1978xx and @Menora it was just a message letting me know about something she'd seen that she thought I'd like. I replied saying I was surprised to hear from her, and thought it best we didn't keep in touch as I was still hoping deep down that she'd change her mind.

Feeling quite sad and deflated now, and a bit annoyed that she got in touch. But maybe this will help kill off a bit more of that hope I still had.

I'm still also not sure what's going to happen with Miss H as we still haven't spoken about what either of us want or see where this is going. I've said a couple of times recently that I've missed her, but she never really responds - just changes the subject. But I know she's keen to see me again once lockdown rules are relaxed. Maybe I just need to ask the question and see what she says!