Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Aw thanks all xxx My relative is doing ok but he is old and in a care home, so ... the hard thing is that you know if something happens you won't see them again or be able to be there for the rest of the family except online!

Cheers also for the wise words @Windmillwhirl, @Ant330, @StealthNinjaMum, @Jane1978xx & co. I guess the issue is I have no idea whether we are in a relationship or not. We message every day and speak 3 times a week but we never had the conversation, but it was so amazing when I was with him, he's lovely, affectionate and kind and funny and the chemistry was off the scale. But in this situation it's just difficult. And it's not like we can have a conversation now. I'm so averse to looking needy or pathetic it would not cross my mind.

Was properly weepy yesterday evening after a perfectly nice day. The mood swings are crazy! Hope everyone else is ok???

Also @Menora hats off to you with the deleting of Mr M. Good but tough call, well done!
Weirdly the person I message most is ex iron Mr Media. He is like my best mate. Messages way more than Mr Beard and we have more in common ... if only we had fancied each other ...

Ah @Dazedandconfused10 I wish Mr B was in lockdown with me. We are missing each other so much but finding ways to connect. I feel closer to him now than pre lockdown.

Well done @menora def the right thing to do. He was a sponge.

@Dazedandconfused10 how long since you met him ? Is there a reason he is at yours rather than his own place ?

@UtterSocks I’d say you were in a relationship with that level of contact and I had won’t be seeing anyone else and I Doubt contacting anyone else that much if it all.

We met in feb. And we both live alone so figured why not spend the time together.

Mr M actually ended up being fucking horrible to me so I have spent way too long crying over that complete wank sock.

I’ve gone back on Tinder and matched with an absolute hottie

@Dazedandconfused10 wow that isn’t long but if it works for both of you that’s really great and might be the start of an amazing relationship

@menora yes we defo don’t need anyone negative in our lives esp not at the moment

I won’t go into it deeply what’s the point, but I can’t believe I let someone like him head fuck me like he did. I’m really angry with myself and him

Ah menora don’t blame yourself, we’ve all been in situations where we can’t see the wood for the trees. Just be glad it’s over now, for good, no more Mr M draining your energy.

I’m really glad Mr GN is not here during lockdown, it means we can each focus on what’s important - our families and work - while knowing that there is someone waiting at the end of lockdown to sweep us off our feet and move forward with. Communication is open, sweet and reliable, occasionally sexty but not to the exclusion of all else. For hugs and reassurance I have my dog 😂.

Ok guys a dilemma!

I’m on tinder and I have done the 1KM setting so everyone I swipe on I seem to match with.

My very oldest and best friends younger brother has just popped up in this feed. He’s a lovely guy we always get along when we meet as a group. Now I suspect he has swiped on me 😂 But I think morally should I just swerve him? my poor friend surely it would be too weird for her!

Of course you should swerve him

@menora I think I'd swipe left, sounds like more drama than you need right now!

Anyone else got a fruitloop ex? Mine has anger issues (Ex army/alcoholic). We actually have been getting on well and he has been regularly FaceTiming kids but he gets so angry at little things. For example, they were crying about something small (toddlers) and he was getting so mad saying "EESHA WILL YOU JUST SORT THEM OUT" then cut me off. Another time, one cried and he stormed out and shouted into the shop "YOU, GET OVER HERE NOW, THEY WILL BEHAVE WITH ME". People actually turned to stare. He always apologises but essentially talks to us like we are dogs! Such a loon. I'm so much safer alone and I really see now why I gravitate more towards these weed taking hippy/hedonistic types who have no future but at the very least, non threatening! Sorry, just had to moan!!!

I did, just now awkward as I know about it 😂

menora he must get have swiped as a joke or by mistake, or because he swipes on every woman as a strategy. Best to forget it ever happened.

eesha it must feel fantastic to be free of that behaviour day to day but as he is their DF I guess you and the DC will never be completely free. You certainly need to be watchful of any escalation.

*he may have

@TigerDater we are amicable at a distance because I have the kids 100% of the time! I'm so thankful I'm out of that situation, god knows how lock down would have been with him. It's just he flares up so irrationally even now, like I'm someone to be shouted at when things don't go perfectly ie the kids cry a bit! When we were together he would shout if cups were on the draining board, or the kids even touched his pristine Xmas tree or if they lost a piece of their toy. Everything had to be structured his way. Madness.

Eesha
Your ex sounds a nightmare, must have been awful to live with.

I'm so pleased you have your kids 100% of the time, I wouldnt trust him with them.

He sounds like a full on control freak, how does he get through life when things arent just so?

I haven't managed to get but we'll done @Menora on deleting Mr M.

I'm entering week 4 at home with my DC (one has additional needs). Ex hasn't seen them at all except irregular FaceTime. He kept working and having meetings up to the last possible moment and now has coronavirus symptoms, so that means another 2 weeks with me for the DC.

I'm finding it really hard, and it's putting the difference between my life and Mr N's into contrast. He's childless and lives with a long term flatmate (also childless). He's bored and missing me. I'm on the brink...

He's doing his best to be supportive, but I'm finding any more demands on me really stressful and he keeps wanting calls in the evening (and sexting/phone sex). I've had to say I can't do it. I really like him, but I think this might put a real strain on things.

He does seem to appreciate how differently we are experiencing the lockdown. He's been quite sweet sending video games for the DC (they don't know about him) and ideas for homeschool (lots of educational YouTube that aligns with the DC's interests). But I'm not sure he really gets how difficult things are for me.

Ahhhh! I think k I just needed to vent.

Oh gosh, what an essay.

Take care everyone and I hope you're all doing well.

@Menora he probably swiped to say hello. I always do this to friends on tinder. Doesn't mean he fancies you or wants to date you. Just an acknowledgement, oh hi menora we're both on tinder. I would be horrified if they thought I'd swiped right because I fancied them!!!!!

I'm still struggling hence so quiet

@SortingItOut no i don't trust him with them, just because of his temper if things don't go perfectly. If im around, he will shout at me for things they might have accidentally done. He essentially drinks if things aren't going right, so if some work doesn't go to plan on his laptop, then drink, or disagreement with anyone, then drink. I spent a long time trying to always make sure things were perfect so he didn't get angry with us or drink but you can't stop someone being who they are. Although it's been two years now and I'm much happier, I can completely see how I gravitate towards hippy, weed taking, non threatening men, or generally push other men away in case they might be a monster underneath.

My friends brother is SO shy so I would be very surprised if he was just being friendly or silly about it. I always make the effort to talk to him but he’s the ‘more confident when drunk’ type
I won’t tell her about it 😂

@Eesha you sound well rid of him. My ex had an unpredictable temper which culminated in him physically attacking our son, which was the end of the relationship. I used to sit in my car outside the house steeling myself to go in cos I never knew what the atmosphere would be. Anything is better than that. I now am extremely averse to conflict, but also don't really believe I deserve being treated with respect ... I mean objectively I know it, but I am so busy being pleasant and amusing I never really address my own needs. With friends and at work as well as irons. Just go crazy in my own head! I'm sorry you have to go through that and still talk to him. You sound lovely

@JaggySplinter for me I am v busy with work and an angry pre teen. In want to talk to mr g more but he says he’s been feeling stressed and off so needs to switch off for a while. I do understand so I’m giving him space. People are just different I guess and I’m sure your bf would understand if you cut the communication down a little

@UtterSocks we must have had the same partner! My ex never hit me but the threat was sortof always there and he always goaded me to call family or the police. He's very intimidating when angry, and used to punch the sofa, pillows etc very hard so it almost inferred that that could be me. I'm also really averse to conflict and build a gazillion walls up to avoid anything with anyone. Its hard to explain to prospective irons why I might be a bit hypersensitive at times too. I definitely believe that stops me meeting new irons in general. Hopefully we will both see the light soon!!!