Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Aw well it’s good to know where you stand @MrDrummer. It is exhausting otherwise, second guessing so it’s good she was honest with you. Now you can chat to others if you want as a distraction and you won’t feel the same connection to someone you have not met so it will be easy and fun rather than angsty. I’m thinking of getting my emotions surgically removed, the rollercoaster of Will I / Won’t I keep things going with Mr Beard through this lockdown is wearing me out and every day I want to send the ‘let’s forget it’ text but can’t because I don’t want to forget it, I just want to stop feeling like a 14 year old. But the good news is I am sublimating it with exercise and I am the lightest and fittest I have ever been 🏃‍♀️ 🏋️‍♀️ 😊. Silver linings, eh? Off for a run!!! Have a good day everyone x

@UtterSocks same I feel like saying why am I making all the effort or why don’t you ask me how I am. But I’ve always been the main instigator of messaging so that’s not a change. I really hate this all 😩 can’t settle or relax at all this weekend

@Jane1978xx exactly that. I feel like his emotional support worker. I know he has tons of shit in his life but frankly so do I and apart from the odd 'yeh that's shit babe' it rarely gets acknowledged. And he has just messaged me about getting laid off at work now so of course I have been all sympathetic but ... oh I don't know, he is great in person and on the phone but the messaging seems more on my side. I wish I hadn't fallen for him so hard

This lockdown is bringing out some bad sides of people I think but MH is pretty shit all round.

To my chagrin and better nature and all of my intelligence and self respect I am still talking to Mr M but some days it is like trying to talk to a block of wood. So I give up and stop then he’s all cheerful again suddenly and then no... dropped off the face of the earth and completely miserable. Up down up down. I think this may be men in general or am I generalising

I’ve been debating going back OLD but I think it will make me feel a lot worse I’m not in the best place

@UtterSocks it’s not always his problems but just rants about injustice in the world etc. I suppose it’s diff when we haven’t seen each other in a month compared to twice a week overnight .

Hello all. God I'm lonely and bored. Grateful for Mr B who is doing my shopping and we are having long phone calls every evening. Missing real life interaction. My teenagers ignore me pretty much and the only physical contact I have is with my cat!! Although he tarts himself out to the neighbours!

My DD has had a breakup and her mental health isn't good. My DS is taking social distancing to a ninja like level.

Thank god for sun. Wine. And gin. Oh and Netflix!

@Jane1978xx yeh he does have a fuck ton of problems to be fair. And if I knew we were an item and likely to carry on I would support him unselfishly (I am supporting him now, but beginning to feel I’m doing it grudgingly 😂). But I don’t know, and I can’t ask in the circumstances, and sometimes I wish I’d never got into this. But would seem really rank to say now that I can’t do it anymore. Would like just once for him to ask how I am, even when I told him I had a relative with Covid19 it was back to him in seconds. But then his problems are worse. And so it goes. This was only ever meant to be fun and sex. And now it’s neither

When it’s not fun anymore that is really shit

Yeah the fun and sex is gone so what’s left 🤷🏼‍♀️. I don’t want to talk about the virus and problems. And we can’t make plans as don’t know when we can get out etc. And a lot of our convos were what we were going to do when we met up. Sexting for me also only works as an anticipation thing when you do it on the day of meeting. Saying I want to do xxx do you and it could be months seems pointless. I shall just keep up random memes and what food I’ve made and ask him what rooms he’s painted 😴😴

And I guess I’ll just keep on saying ‘poor you’ and ‘how you coping?’ And keeping up the witty, playful banter to cheer him up and getting short replies. Except it’s starting to hurt my heart and I don’t know how long I can keep it up

Hi all, can someone stop me overinvesting at this crazy time. One bloke is lovely but messaging is limited maybe to a few once a week. One is super hot but I sent the last message yesterday and nothing today. We have been regularly messaging for the last couple of weeks. I need to get a grip but perhaps sheer boredom is making me overinvest and want to text him. But I shouldn't right??!

Uttersocks sorry to hear your situation. Its berluddy tough at the moment. So you arent a couple? Why do you feel you should be investing so much for so little in return?

We are all struggling in our own ways with lockdown, but I wouldn't be propping up anyone if it wasnt a two-way street. Mind your heart.

@uttersocks you said you had a relative who had covid and he didn’t support you? I get that these are tough times and lots of us are stressed, with mental health problems but I think you should maybe talk to him about what you need and end it if he can’t deliver. At the moment Mr R is probably more lonely and needy than me and I am trying to support him but the other day I got upset about something stupid and he was really supportive. If you’re at the stage of the relationship where you’re listening to him, he needs to bloody listen to you back. I hope your relative is ok by the way.

Sounds like a few people are having a tough time with their irons in this crisis.

You have my sympathies 💐

It is a tough time for everybody, think it's easy with isolation to become a bit me, me, me and if people are naturally a bit self centred/negative/pessimistic it becomes exaggerated.

Some people are also great in person but not on the phone or text, or vice versa. While it's been a while since you saw them, try to remember what you liked about them because those traits will still be there after this is over. Tough I know not to focus on what's irritating now though, and @UtterSocks that's a bit shit him not offering some support regarding your relative, who I also hope is doing ok.

In other news MissH told me today that she made a mistake and doesn't want it to be over 🙄 Less tactfully than perhaps was appropriate I told her she's probably just bored, plus it's the wrong time to be making any sensible relationship decisions. She didn't agree about being bored, but did agree to not talking about us until things start getting back to normal. What happens then who knows, but I'll probably still be boring everybody with the same old shit for a few months yet 🤷‍♂️😂

I haven’t been on here for the past couple threads. Life got so busy then all this happened...
But before I get into more of that
@Ant330 - Nooooooo!!! The last time I read you’d finished it and suddenly she was begging you back, then you went back and she finished it. It’s like she wants to be the one in control all the time. Please be careful you sound way too nice for her....

The odd thing is we wouldn’t think about it if our good friends varied their communication. But with partners / dates we expect consistency.

@Jane1978xx soooo true, i am happy to disappear on people I know just because I don't fancy chatting, but when it's an iron, I find my expectations so much higher. Definitely think I have been bored and lonely today hence I did text all my irons.

My best friend I can speak to for 3 hours one day and then not text for a week but with mr g I get twitchy if he take a few hours to reply 🤣 or puts 2 kisses not 3 🤦‍♀️

I think most of us have confidence our closest friends arent going to exit our lives, so lack of contact doesnt cause concern.

If you are anxious over a bf then possibly there is an underlying fear about his level of commitment. Which is understable in a new relationship at this crazy time.

In my case, I tell myself I have zero control over his response to our relationship. If he calls time, that's his choice and it's out of my hands. I also know while I would be sad, I'd be fine. I want someone in my life that wants me in theirs and if he started cutting contact I wouldn't be holding on for dear life causing myself anxiety because we all deserve more than that. Something I realised years ago is I should not give anyone such control over my emotions.

These are unprecedented times and all our relationships are different, but lack of security is a terrible thing to live with when we do really like/love someone.

@Windmillwhirl Great post, I'm taking note!

windmill you have absolutely nailed it there, well done.

Happy Easter everyone. That means something different to all of us perhaps, but to me it’s about finding and believing in joy ☀️

@Windmillwhirl great words. Time just seems to go so slow i think is the prob as well ☹️. But yes cannot influence other people. I just have a fear if I Don’t message like I did before then he might think I’m not interested 🤦‍♀️. I’m just over thinking going to give myself a big kick up the ass.

I got really drunk last night and woke up this morning thinking the same thing
So I deleted Mr M off everything and blocked him for good

So my iron has been staying at mine since lock down. Probably too early seeing as we haven't labelled things. It's nice having company but I'm now probably more confused now but not wanting to have the talk. In these unique times I'm just going to try and go with the flow.