Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@Menora Is it possible to speak to someone at work regarding the possibility of reduced working to reduce the pressure on you. There are some good online anxiety resources, they might be useful for you.

We’re a bit bored today, I had to pick some things up from work, so I took MiniSJT so he could go up and down in the lifts, he now thinks I’m a lift man. It was so strange seeing the whole area empty, it’s usually so busy. It’s normally a forty minute walk, it was so much quicker when you don’t have to constantly dodge other people.

In nice news we already have some courgettes shoot, I didn’t realise it would be that quick.

@Menora I know. It's going to be hard for some time. But we have to look after ourselves. I have some very unhelpful coping mechanisms (a whole other post full) but I'm trying to forgive myself and tell myself it's ok to do what I need to to make it through. We all do. Take care of yourself.

@Menora @SimonJT I would be wary of reducing your hours if you are already struggling with workload, you risk just reducing your pay

Well this is going to be an Easter like no other! Beautifully sunny now that we can’t do anything or go anywhere.

I hope peeps are bearing up as much as they can. This lockdown won’t last forever, or even much longer in the grand scheme of things. Just have to hold tight 🌻

Good morning everyone! Happy Good Friday!

I feel Mr Farmer may be on the way out 🙁
He's been very quiet last few days, I asked him about it yesterday and he admitted he's got a few pressures and is feeling lonely too. We texted for a bit and I tried to be supportive and he said he would call me later but he didn't, third day in a row he said this and didn't.
Few messages this morning but the banter and light hearted ness seems to have gone. I don't know how to be more supportive when I'm getting one word answers 🤷🏻‍♀️
I'll maybe try calling him later and see how it goes 😕

@dancemom, I think we are all feeling it at the moment. It's difficult to maintain the same momentum with contacts because we have limited things to discuss and no light at the end of the tunnel as yet. I don't think you have anything to lose by giving him a call. I don't know where things were with him before lockdown but I doubt he's gone off you, just simply that life is in this difficult limbo at the moment. And some people will be more resilient in these difficult times. Others have far more to deal with. I can only thank every person who is front line on this with all my heart. You must be shattered and drained in every respect

I wouldn’t write him off dancemom, it sounds like he’s just struggling and retreating into his shell for a bit. Are you bf/gf? If not, it’s not really your role to be supportive as such, is it? More like you’re light relief for each other?

Thanks @Onesmallstep67
I specifically asked him yesterday if he wanted to end our contact or if it was just other things going on in his life. He assured me it was the other life stuff and we had a nice chat over text which is when he confessed to the pressures and loneliness. I thought things would improve but it was just the same last night and this morning 🤷🏻‍♀️
I don't expect him to be perky 24/7 of course but I also can't continue feeling like it's all one sided and like I'm actually just an inconvenience.
I'll definitely call him this afternoon and see how the conversation goes.
It really is tough! We only had 1 date prior to lockdown although the chat and date were great. I've said before though it will be a miracle if any irons where it was very early days actually survive this lockdown period 🙄

@TigerDater no not at all, it was only one date so yes it's not my role to be his confidante and I'd feel awkward pushing him to talk about it.
So I was going for the light hearted chat path but as I said when you get one word answers it's tough to keep it up.
I feel for him, he's got a lot of pressures but i don't know if I should just leave it and let him come to me or keep up the small talk and see if things improve.

I guess see how your talk this afternoon goes dancemom but yes, be prepared to step back for a bit. Everyone copes in different ways with this stress, with someone you don’t really know that well there’s really no sense pushing it.

@dancemom see how he is this afternoon. Maybe ease off then for a couple of days, just send the odd text or one of the funny memes that are endlessly doing the rounds, if they are your thing ( I know not everyone finds them amusing ) and try to hold onto what we know to be true, if he's interested he will make the effort to respond. Unfortunately you didn't have much of a foundation already in place to sustain you through this. I think we are all just muddling through and hoping that things will get better soon. I believe they will.

@dancemom Another agreeing that it's a weird time and who knows what might happen going forward. Not sure who said it, I think @Ant330, but if you are both somehow communicating even if in dribs and drabs, then it's a sign you want things to progress somehow. I hardly hear from my FWB but bits and pieces and he can't see his kids at all so I understand everyone has other factors impacting their lives.

Thank you everyone, I gave him a call and he didn't answer but he did message a short while ago to confirm he was working and we have exchanged a few texts.
You're all right that it's strange times and just need to take it a day at a time and see who is still standing when this all comes to an end.

Now if somebody could just tell me that it's going to be within the next few weeks that would be great!

Sorry to come back again but you know what? You guys are awesome! To have those few lovely replies with everyone totally understanding the situation and how I'm feeling has actually just given me a huge smile on my face!
Thank you everyone, your comments are invaluable and your understanding is just such a comfort 🙌🏼

I believe strongly the lockdown will be over in its current form in the next few weeks. Life won’t be normal for a long time but it will be manageable. We have to hold tight!

Hi how are we all doing? Hope you are ok @Menora - really feel for you. I also dropped my hours at work recently but before Covid19 because I needed to focus on finances and divorce, then this lockdown happened and now in some ways it feels like the worst time as all the banks and lawyers and financial advisers are not available and I have free time and am stuck in! But also with all the worry and stress I have I am finding it hard to focus on work so it is a bit of respite - but I am also definitely doing more hours than I am being paid for, just have less days when I have to answer the phone 24/7 (they do ring me though! A lot!). Worth considering though x

@dancemom I hear you, so hard with a new relationship to know what to do. Are you going to try to speak to Mr Farmer again tonight? I find people have different messaging styles so sometimes conversation is easier. I am very chatty on messages and it is basically my profession to communicate so I get pissed off with short replies but some people aren’t that good with it. This is ridiculously hard though and am starting to resent all my acquaintances on social media in loved up family situations posting virtue signalling shit about how hard can it be to stay at home etc. It is fucking hard for a lot of people, we aren’t all the bloody Waltons.

Then again my mate has just had some horrendous health news about her son (Not Covid related, but bleak)and can’t be with him - am ringing her tonight, it’s going to be a hard call. So I feel a bit selfish and whiny pining for my gym and Mr Beard.

Also huge, HUGE love and gratitude to all of you who are key workers, whether NHS, retail, carers, whatever - you are all incredible and amazing xxx

PS @SimonJT you sound hilarious! When we go back to normal would love to catch up over a drink when I am next in Shoreditch for work. Who thought I would ever miss the 16 hour days I used to spend commuting to the London office, eh? But you make me miss the area! I want to be in the Hoxton!

@TigerDater yaaasssss that's what I wanted to hear! I'm holding on to that 🤞🏼

@UtterSocks I expect he will message later on but yes just need to make accommodations and see how it goes day by day

I’m ok you guys I had a better couple of days
I’m half working all weekend today and Monday and need a day off but to do what?!

Hope you all ok

@UtterSocks

I heard from Mr M a little bit recently and he apparently hadn’t really been in much of a lockdown (going shops, work all the time and seeing kids) and today he tells me he is really ill. I’m not sure if it’s corona virus sounds like it might be? I can’t really worry about him and nothing much I can do.

@UtterSocks
I’m not far from there myself (Essex!)

16 hour days?! Are you actually nuts?! I like the Three Crowns.

Bit of a crap day, my employer released their furlough list and I’m on it, I thought it was 80% of your wage, I didn’t realise it was limited to £2.5k a month, that barely covers my mortgage before it’s taxed. My savings had just got to a healthy level again. I normally work four short days, I’ve been doing overtime (for free) for the cheeky bastards.

But we did make a childsize string hammock today from some paracord, so MiniSJT is very happy. It must have been very sunny today as MrNN has a sunburnt face, he only went out for about thirty minutes.

simon can you get a payment holiday on the mortgage? Nationwide offered me three months and I must admit I snapped it up. Just reduces worry and makes planning easier.

I can get a mortgage holiday I think, I’m trying to work out what works out best in the longterm, my savings interest is fairly dire at the minute, so it may work out cheaper to pay my mortgage from my savings in the long run.

I am getting a refund for my holiday in July, so that will make a big difference when it arrives.

I’ve got a mortgage holiday and for my credit cards and loan. Also paying council tax over jul-April not March to dec. my job is ok so far but I wanted to do it now in case it gets taken away.

I am always chatty in messages but mr g can be really chatty some days and others one word answers lol. He’s still talking thou which is good. It’s just strange times

Prob lock down to end of month still I think then there was something about young People being allowed out , I’m not sure if that’s under 30 or 40 or what the def is.

@SimonJT. I think if you plan on moving before your mortgage term is up then you are better off taking the break than using savings

Hi All, Thanks for the advice I got from my post a few days back.

I spoke with the lady on the phone on a couple of nights back and she sees it that we are paused from a dating point of view. She did admit to having one other iron, but sounded like that was backup. She also said she felt pressured by my driving the texting convo, so I have backed off a lot. She did offer to just not talk until we can date again, but that didn't sound like a good idea to me. Unfortunately, when I hold back I am just not the same person. I am no longer the character that you all know and love (ok, it's been a long while since I was the life and soul of the thread! :) ) Conversation has been pretty light since then, but at least the contact is still there.