Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Completely agree Jane 👍
It's difficult to message as you did before when you're not doing anything worth talking about, nor can you really plan either.
I think if you're still talking and messaging even if it's at a lesser volume to before, then both parties are clearly keen for it to last.
Difficult not to let your imagination run away from you though when you've got too much time on your hands.

Today I wonder if I am having a mental breakdown. I have not been able to stop crying from when I woke up
It’s not one thing it’s everything

@UtterSocks I’m the same, I never shut up and I invade personal space. MrNN is not a huge talker and has a strict no personal space invasion policy. Swedes are very to the point so he’ll happily tell me to shut up when he’s had enough, although we do have a policy that I can talk to him in Urdu as much as I like because then he can legitimately ignore me. He and MiniSJT are all touched out today, luckily the cat isn’t so she’s my current personal space victim.

The balconies on our flat all face into a really small ‘courtyard’ so if someone is on theirs it’s close enough to talk, so I have other people I can irritate. I had a lengthy conversation with next doors French Bulldog this morning, it turns out we both like animal crossing and napping on the sofa.

Luckily a lot of my friends are equally as needing and irritating, so there have been lots of daily video calls.

Introvert here. Albeit a sociable one. I love a chat but I need a lot of time on my own to recharge. One daughter is the same. The other is an extreme extrovert. Hence I'm only doing about one zoom a week... I have a couple of very extrovert friends and I keep wondering how the hell theyre coping while I'm secretly quite enjoying the quiet time. Must be horrible for you @UtterSocks If I was forced to spend the majority of my time chatting to people for weeks on end I'd crumple quite quickly.

And apologies to those whose DMs I haven't replied to... that is why!

I think you are all lucky to have lots of people to talk to. I spoke to my friend at the weekend as it was her birthday and told her about Mr Army. She is married and is on job training so doesn't really understand the loneliness or not knowing when you are going to see an iron again. Although she usually says I have rubbish taste in men but couldn't find fault with him. I wish I had more people to talk to.
My seedlings are doing well. Most of them germinated apart from the parsnips. Running out of things to do to keep me occupied. I'm meant to be working on my CV and cover letter but I don't have much motivation. Who knows of there will be an event management/coordinator jobs at the end of it. Most industries are taking a massive hit. I also suck at trying to sell myself to companies.

@menora i’m sorry to hear that. Sending hugs. Is there something that you need to get off your chest here? Do you have a friend or relative to talk to?

I heard that NHS staff now have access to some kind of counselling phone line, is this something that could help? I imagine there would be a high demand for it.

Sorry I can’t be more helpful but hopefully someone else will give better advice.

menora I’m sorry you’re struggling - have you tried calling one of the mental health helplines set up for NHS staff? It sounds like you have severe stress.

@Menora I think you are having a perfectly understandable reaction to everything but talking to someone would defo help.

I spoke to mr g and he’s stressed about his job as he’s on furlough so Getting paid less and he misses his kids and he does withdraw a lot when stressed but I think we are fine

I do feel lucky to have a lot of friends and I’ve also set up a Facebook group for our street so can share when we are getting shopping and any good delivery services etc

I have been having some phone counselling which I have to pay for but it is slow going and it’s just dredged up things that are painful. I think I will try the well-being line tomorrow

I’m having a stress reaction for sure. I’ve been quite ill and afraid and alone. I can’t hug anyone or see anyone (video is not helping) and it’s someone’s birthday who I am close to and I can’t see them I’ve never missed a birthday of theirs and I just cried about that all day as well

I’m so stressed at work. Emails never stop or I have staff crying on me and constant meetings, I’m not getting on with my boss she is overloading me
My DC are unhappy depressed and unmotivated and I feel very stressed about not being able to be a good parent to them because I am not coping myself
I just want to escape. Go drive away and just keep on driving

menora I really feel for you. You are allowed to be sick for other reasons than Covid in these awful times. Tell your boss you’re taking time out for stress perhaps, then concentrate on your DC?

Sorry you are feeling so down @Menora. Do your DC see their dad? Can he take some of the strain?

@Menora I'm no expert on MH so take this with a punch of salt but it sounds like you need somebody to talk to about the stress you're dealing with right now rather than therapy for everything you've encountered during your life. That just sounds like too much to deal with when you've got so much on your plate right now..I know some of it may be connected but it's the pressure you're under today that's causing the stress.

It's perfectly understandable to be stressed and upset with everything you're having to cope with.
I know you were feeling poorly as well, are you any better? Can your kids go to their dad's for a bit, just to ease the pressure on you?

I would also push back on your boss a bit, I'm sure it's not as easy as that right now, but everybody has a limit and if she keeps overloading you then you'll just end up being poorly and not available at all.

I am much better thanks from the illness I was given some different medication and it helped immediately but I think it has some side effects!

Only 1 DC will go to dads house, she went for a few days and then came home angry and unhappy that I am not coping she is going back this weekend and DD2 will only go for 1 day. It’s not exes fault to be fair. They are stuck at home with a miserable mother who keeps crying and I am not eating or sleeping well either. I think you are right the counselling is another overload I don’t need right now

I am clearing out some emails today and told my work I am overwhelmed so it’s a bit quieter today I just need to be honest with people. I am not good at not coping with things and don’t like showing weakness very much!

@Menora I understand your last paragraph perfectly, I never ask for help. But, and it's a big BUT, this situation is not normal and with a boss overloading you to breaking point nobody will think that you're failing by saying something so it's good you have.
How old are your kids? I know they probably don't like seeing you under so much pressure, but surely it would help if they went to their dad's a bit more just in the short term?

DD1 is 17 and very close to dad and family. No issues

DD2 is almost 16 and not close to them at all. Stopped going almost completely 3 years ago. Doesn’t want a relationship with them much at all. DD2 is not fazed by my emotional breakdown very much, she’s not exactly supportive but she’s not cross angry and resentful towards me like DD1 is

Sorry to hear this @Menora
Can I recommend the COVID Cares helpline, I'm not linked to NHS in anyway but I'm told it's been really helpful to friends.

Ok slightly lighthearted question, selfies! Me and my iron swap selfies each day. I'm always natural, no makeup, tired mum! I'm wondering whether I should be making more of an effort!!! It's via kik which has a live camera.

@Menora sending 💐

I'm a sociable introvert like @unambiguousbeard so I enjoy my own company and need it to decompress. However it's hard living on your own and not even having the option of a face to face chat. Video calls don't cut it (although I have done a few with friends). I'm worried about both my adult DCs - one due to his mental health and the other because he's disabled and vulnerable.

I am deliberately not thinking about how long this might go on for because the mental health suffering will be enormous. I'm resilient and have hauled myself together after some shitty years, but I can feel myself going backwards.

I joined my local FB group but it's not a helpful place right now (understatement!).

I'm working but miss my colleagues so much. I normally walk 6 to 8 miles a day (commuting plus walking between buildings at work) so I've had to massively up my exercise to stay fit!

@Menora I'm also NHS and involved in COVID response. My kids are depressed and unmotivated and don't want to go to their dads so I'm I'm with it all the time. I'm at work or working so hard from home that I barely notice them. There is nothing in the foreseeable future to look forward to, nights out or time with friends etc, and I feel like I'm shit at everything. If I had a drive away and leave it all behind option, I would.

I've hit the wall today too. I'm nowhere near in your position @Menora but suddenly I'm really struggling. I haven't been at all. Sounds like you are too @BatshitCrazyWoman

I'm normally incredibly resilient, I've had to be. But I rely massively on my hobby for my mental health and not knowing when I can do it again is starting to get to me.

Maybe it's because it's been a month. Might even be the full moon a couple of nights ago but I just want to go to bed and cry today. I can't see a way out of this anytime soon

@cheerup
Thanks and I don’t wish this on you either
I still want to go for a drive but don’t want to get pulled over!
I know I am not front line so a hell lot of guilt for that but I am trying to support them from behind as best I can. I want to help them. Poor DD is trying to watch TV with me and I can’t focus on anything and having constant phone calls, I can’t give them the attention they want. I’m going to try tomorrow to work less and make an effort with them though

I had been seeing someone but after lockdown he just felt like someone else who wanted some of me when I had no more to give.

@Menora this won't last forever. Remember that.

@cheerup it feels like it might at the moment...

What will it look like afterwards
That is what is on everyone’s minds
We will be completely swamped with all the routine things and mental health and alcohol problems then for staff the pure resentments will start to creep in from those who pulled their weight and those who didn’t
Nothing will be normal for a long time