Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Morning everyone, sorry I haven't been able to add any value to the thread. Got a conundrum.

So I had had two dates with someone new when lockdown hit. I won't say how this cropped up because it would be a bit outing, but she said she wasn't using tinder any more. We had a conversation afterward the lockdown that basically said we would try to keep things going via text, videocall, call etc even if it meant for a couple of months or whatever it takes til we can date properly again. So about twice a week since we have had really long conversations, generally 2 hours plus, and we get on really well. I stopped using tinder about 2 weeks ago, other than to look at her pictures. I noticed a couple of days ago that her location had changed and it changed again today.

Given that we have committed to try as best we can progress things remotely, even if it has to be for 2+ months, am I being reasonable to ask her if she is chatting (or intending to chat) with anyone else with a view to meeting them up? I don't really want to spend the next 2+ months investing in someone just to find that she is planning on multi-dating once lockdown is lifted. I do feel she has been a lot more online on whatsapp more than usual today. Could all be innocent, of course.

As I write this out, I am thinking maybe I am overthinking this. I guess if we are still talking by the end of lockdown, then we must be in a good place anyway?

I think what I am trying to figure out is: does the dating clock stop just because we can't see each other in person? It's 2.5 weeks since the last date and 3.5 weeks since first date.

As ever, thank you all for the useful comments and sorry again I haven't been able to give much back lately.

@OntheWaves40 i don't think there is an app. You just need to Google FabSwingers. Have fun!

@MrDrummer Hi! Sounds a bit like you are overthinking but this lockdown is enough to drive anyone a bit mad. I don't think you can say much if her location changing after only 2 dates. You should just see if something is there post lock down, and also potentially keep your options open.

Oh @Eesha I didn’t realise it was swingers that’ll teach me for not reading the thread properly!

@MrDrummer I haven't used tinder in months but recently I've been getting messages from people I've chatted or matched with months ago. She has maybe had the same and is just reading them or answering them or even just looking at your pictures?

@OntheWaves40 i just use it for light hearted chat really rather than anything more! I find all the usual sites quiet anyway, at least FAB is a bit more chatty.

@MrDrummer she could just be checking tinder to see if you are on it. Me and Mr R were exclusive after the second or third date but both on apps. After a month I deleted my account because it was causing me anxiety and within 24 hours he deleted his. He had been checking my profile out looking for activity.

On the subject of WhatsApp I would ignore it - and I speak as the queen of WhatsApp anxiety. We all have days where one of our groups has a big chat or where we just have more time on our hands to talk to each other. I know that I’m not sleeping particularly well at the moment so if Mr R looked at my WhatsApp he might see me on there at 1am or 4am but just reading a message that arrived earlier in the evening so there’s nothing dodgy.

It sounds promising that you can have such long conversations from someone you have only just started dating. I would just try to enjoy it.

So it is looking like the peak of CV19 isn’t even close to hitting and the lockdown will go on and on. Does anyone else feel like giving up on their irons, especially newish relationships? It is using up so much of my headspace wondering if I am wasting time messaging/thinking about messaging/waiting for messages from Mr Beard when I don’t even know if this will continue afterwards. Am chatting to others as a distraction but I’m not fooling myself. I know who I want to be with again when this is all over, but I’m aware it’s ridiculous. If I were busy and social it wouldn’t be an issue but I feel about 14 🙄🙄🙄. And we never even had a conversation about expectations/exclusivity and almost 3 weeks in since we last met seems more and more ridiculous to do so.

@uttersocks I'm paying more attention to the numbers of infection rather than the number deaths as I think that gives a clearer indication on what's happening. There is no doubt that the lock down will go on for longer unfortunately. I'm not giving up on Me Army even though I had only been on 3 dates and known him for a month before the lock down. It sucks being so fresh into dating someone that we can't see them. It's not rediculous to know who you want to see when this is all over. If you are both keeping in contact and it feels right then go with it. You never know what tomorrow or next week will bring. At the moment I'm living for today and trying to find the good parts in ever day. I have actually stopped worrying if Mr Army will text me back because if it's meant to be then it will happen. If not then it is his loss and not yours.

@OntheWaves40 as Eesha says, Fab isnt just for swingers.
There's lots of different people on there.

I've been using it to find a FWB. But now I'm just using it to pass the time and chat with people. And not sex chat! I make that very clear in my profile.

If you're just looking for some friendly chat then it's worth giving it a try. But you might want to ask the thread for some help on how to use it as it can be a bit overwhelming at first.

@UtterSocks why do you say that?
From what I'm reading the peak isn't really going to happen, lockdown has prevented it from being as bad as they predicted and we are seeing a very slight improvement.
I have no doubt lockdown will continue but I don't see it being the 12 weeks that was originally touted

We can't rely on infections though as they are only testing those ill enough to be in hospital. Death rates are the best statistic although an interesting show on more or less this morning on R4 about the problem with those too. Apparently there's a weekly stat which includes community and care home deaths and is more reliable.

I miss Mr B so much. We talk all the time and I feel closer to him in some ways. But I miss him physically. He is still doing my shopping so I see him once a week from a distance.

@Notcoolmum so sweet Mr B is still doing your shopping!

@Dancerinthemoonlight you definitely have the right idea, whatever will be will be. That's one thing I've learnt from all this Covid stuff.

@EchoElephant I just use it for chat too, have it in my profile that I just looking to chat. I can see I can easily get sex if I want it and the silly chat entertains me. I might have a date post this all ends but I'm not counting my chickens, whatever will be will be.

Personally I don't find the death rate the be more of a reliable statistic because it's only the people in hospital being counted in the rate. It can also take up to 3 weeks for someone who is infected to die and then up to 3 days for it to be counted.
I don't think any statistic is 100% reliable but everyone will focus on something different.
Just like no one can predict if it will peak or when it will peak. At the beginning countries were going off what happened with China but now there are questions over how reliable the Chinese data is and if they have declared the actual infection and death rate or if it could be as much as 10 times higher.
I think at the moment we are very much in a wait and see stage in time as to what will happen in the next few weeks.

Hey all

I am in general practice and the movement of obvious COVID patients coming to us is very slow. We have had 2 confirmed deaths and we know the local hospital has about 21 people in ICU. I’m east of England area. I’m not sure if I had it but I am on day 18 and still not 100% - not been tested but presumed to have had by every doctor at work based on symptoms!

The reality on the ground is really weird. ICU’s and 111 are the services under huge strain while most of us sit and wait for the ‘peak’ that we have no idea when it is supposed to come

@dancemom from R4 this morning and also Sajid Javid's statement and the examples from elsewhere. Also I personally know of 4 deaths and 6 additional infections and although I am sociable my immediate circle isn't so enormous that it is disproportionate and so am thinking the scale being currently reported is maybe lagging due to stats, or backlogs in postmortem, or something.

Hey everyone hope you are all doing ok. I work for a medical supply company so been mad busy these last few weeks as well as having dd all the time. Her dad keeps going to friends and family so I’m not letting her go to his house.

I’m still messaging mr g every day and taking for a few hours 2-3 times a week but messages are getting less and less from him. Maybe there’s just nothing to talk about 🤷🏼‍♀️. We didn’t ever talk on the phone before I guess. I keep over thinking it and I’m driving myself mad 🤦‍♀️

I think this is the problem @Jane1978xx no-one is really doing anything and there's only so much you can talk about your daily walk/working from home/what you're watching on tv.
If it's any consolation, I have Mr Ad here with me but we don't have much to talk about either. We both spend most of the day sitting opposite each other at the table working and not really speaking (he likes to wear headphones to concentrate and is really busy, unlike me) and then we go for a walk and we're not even having much sex because my kids are here most of the time!
He is missing his AA meetings, which were a source of great support for him and his anxiety is high at the moment (as is a lot of people's) so it's testing.

I know a lot of you would like to be in my position of being locked down with your irons but actually right now I want my house and my space back as I never intended to move in with someone (neither did he)!

It’s hard for everyone in different ways, isn’t it? I don’t want to communicate full stop, even with my DD and lodger who I live with, I just want to withdraw into myself in extreme self-isolation, so when Mr GN sends me soppy messages or wants to blow kisses over video chat I just feel stressed. Being in a relationship seems burdensome and futile when everything is so uncertain.

@Sunshineandflipflops thanks for the reassurance. We were sending each other little funny memes and stuff before and he has stopped doing that. I think he’s very stressed as well.

@tigerdater we are the opp way round when I’m stressed I need to reach out and have contact and reassurance. I don’t blow kisses thou.

I’m just torn as I start most chats and I don’t want to stop doing that and it be seen as me not interested but equally i don’t want to be a pain. I said I’d ring him tonight so can see how that goes ☹️.

Yeh I am a great one for contact too @jane1978xx and the more stressed I am the more I want to reach out.

I am an extreme extrovert (as in externally focused rather than just really loud and lairy 😂) and a big hugger/talker (am imagining @TigerDater inching away from the screen as I type 😂) so it is my instinct to keep in touch with everyone.

I would basically talk to a dog in the street rather than sit still with my own thoughts so am lucky I have a lot of people I know and can rotate them haha. And also lots of zoom socials and virtual pub nights and my kids. So that keeps me from messaging Mr Beard as often as I’d naturally like to I think. But I miss the sexting. I get it would be madly frustrating and I get that he is also super stressed but I just don’t want him to friend zone me. I have enough friends (and they don’t look like that in boxers either!)

@UtterSocks I have a group with my 4 friends and we can send 1000 messages a day 🤣🤣🤣.

I have other groups of friends or I’ll ring my Dad.

Mr G was messaging all day but he’s decorating now as he’s not working. Still prob have 20-30 messages a day but it stresses me if it goes to the lower end of that. 🤦‍♀️ Even thou I’ve got nothing to say and we don’t talk about the virus.

Sounds like it's easier being single while this is going on, feel for those with anxiety over irons and what to talk about to keep it going. Although I'll hate you all when it's over and I'm still single 😂

I think a lot of it is imaged @ant330 as if they weren’t interested they’d say or wouldn’t be talking at all 🤷🏼‍♀️.

Thanks @Eesha and @EchoElephant I don’t think Fab sounds like my cup of tea. I’m not really much of a chatter but I think i’m going to have to be at the moment!