Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@SimonJT "Walking is not exercise, it’s one step up from being comatose on the sofa." From another thread. ❤️❤️

I don't suppose you've got a (straight) brother (preferably one who also lives near London Fields?)

@Stuckinarut79 Hi! Have you met Mr Chatty in person yet? I have only been chatting to Mr HotandYoung for about a month but it has ramped up over the last couple of weeks, continuous messaging through the day. I have told myself that if I'm still talking to any irons after this ends, I'm definitely meeting them. I haven't got much faith in people lasting but what can anyone do but chat.

I don't think Mr HotandYoung has toys but had verifications saying he was a natural dom. In our case, will just be casual but he is extremely hot. I never expected to be tempted by anyone as was only on Fab to nose around but here we are! I am going to have to up my game x1000 when this lockdown ends.

I’m so sick of all the needy men who want to be entertained, lazy men with empty profiles, unsolicited sex chat and wannabe “doms” I’m finding online. I’d hoped the corona virus might be an opportunity for some good conversations but it’s worse than ever. I feel like I’m just a source of entertainment, someone to “corrupt” (so childish...) or someone to wank over. I haven’t had a boyfriend for years and I honestly don’t think I will again.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen ive heard this quite a bit recently but I think it's just a generally strange time. The only irons I have are those I've been chatting to pre lockdown. Personally I wouldn't be looking for more than a casual chat at present. Try FAB.

Long time lurker first time poster. Came out of a horribly abusive relationship of ten years end of last year. Started talking to a few online and had couple dates with a nice fella I knew from years ago let's call him mr muscle . Then lockdown .. it's a weird one. Also still chatting to another couple but havent met them. Any ideas on how to keep chit chat going without becoming banal. I have a feeling its gonna be a while before I see mr muscle again. Scary thing is I think I actually quite like him

@Imacliche Personally im a great one for ending up talking about personal stuff and getting deep too early so I just am aware of it and always keep things light hearted and flirty so it's more fun.

@unambiguousbeard Yeah my twat mode was fully engaged yesterday.

I do have one, I think he must live in London or near by as he works in finance, I also (weirdly) saw him on the one show a few months ago, they were doing the quiz in black cabs, so supports the living in London theory.

imacliche 10 years of abuse is a long time, are you sure you’re ready to date after only three months?

The relationship was done long before that. He just moved out before xmas due to saving up for a place of his own etc.. was a tricky situation as we have 3 kids and one of them is disabled so he was here long after we had split. We had separate rooms lives no sleeping together etc for the last 2 years. So yeah kinda ready to move on and try to find myself again

Hey. Been lurking for a while but could do with some advice.speaking to a guy OLD for a couple of weeks. He lives about 50 miles away. Seemed ok at first but is coming across as really needy .. he rings me all the time.. and not just for a quick chat wants to talk for literally an hour at a time. And he waffles.. tells me things he's already told me. He constantly messages me. Im finding it overwhelming and it's starting to put me off him which is a shame as he seemed nice to begin with. I've told him to slow down and chill out a bit but I'm getting a gut feeling of "oh god ". Plus this lockdown situation is getting me down ( as it is for many people no doubt) sorry for rambling. Just looking for a bit of advice really

@Eesha Thank you. I’ve been on Fab for a while and chatted to some interesting people. Unfortunately, I met someone from there that I dated for a bit and really liked. He then turned round out of the blue and said he didn’t want to sleep with me, which didn’t do much for my self-esteem! I love sex but really want it in the context of a relationship as I just end up being used otherwise. An old boyfriend whom I dated again after a decade apart actually confessed when we broke up that he didn’t even like me as a person and had been using me for sex all along. There have been many others like that.

@lardass88 That sounds exhausting and annoying. I chatted to someone like this last week and I’m afraid I eventually told him it wasn’t working for me and binned him off. He showed no respect for my boundaries and just treated me as a free source of entertainment. I couldn’t believe how relieved I felt when we stopped talking!

@ThirtyAndASmidgen it is exhausting! I feel bad as he seems a nice bloke but I don't know how to be honest without sounding horrible

@lardass88 I’d be as honest as possible and tell him you’re feeling smothered and he needs to back off. If he doesn’t respect it, that’s a massive red flag and I’d stop talking to him and block if necessary.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen I've just sent him a message along those lines. He apologised and admitted he's getting carried away. We shall see I guess. Thank you for replying tho. Very much appreciated x

You’re welcome. I guess how he behaves next will tell you a lot about the kind of person he is and whether you want to continue getting to know him. Mine got sulky and insulted my hobbies, which was just another red flag, but yours may respond better.

I'm walking about 5k a day. I'm struggling to run right now for a number of reasons. How is this not exercise?

There's an expression along the lines of don't argue with an idiot, they'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Definitely applies to the imbecile saying walking is not exercise 😂

@Notcoolmum I am also having to walk right now as I have an injury that I've been ignoring and have made worse with running on it. Some days I walk 2 miles, others its 7 but its the same distance whether you walk it or run it and is definitely exercise!

Sorry you have an injury @Sunshineandflipflops I'm just struggling with motivation and my asthma isn't great. Want to get out everyday though and try and stay at some level of fitness.

@ThirtyAndASmidgen I think you need to think whether it's worth a break for now. You sound like you have had some crappy experiences and I think online dating is meant to be fun for you, not making you second guess yourself.

@Eesha, yeah, I feel ready for a break to be honest. Another break... You’re right - this is supposed to be fun but it’s reached the point where it’s not even worth trying any more. The loneliness is less painful than the futility of hoping.

Clearing out my folders on my work PC and I just found photos I'd taken and saved of the messages I found between exH and his OW which told me that were having an affair. I re-read them and although some of them I have to laugh at (a 41 year old man pathetically trying to impress a 27 year old woman), it brought all those feelings back.
We have been getting on well recently (since he dumped her actually) and that's great but I think maybe I needed to see those messages again to remember what he did to me.

Yes @Sunshineandflipflops it's hard to keep hating the exes during this weird time.

I got ill right at the beginning of the lockdown and I'd literally just issued a rule that he wasn't to come to my house again or else.

But literally 8 hours later I got ill and had to phone him to come round and take the children, and for the last 3 weeks he's my only lifeline and has been doing my supermarket shopping.

Meanwhile I've been mega missing my new man, I have no idea how long it will be until we see each other again. I'm not worried about us lasting at all, we definitely will, which makes me so happy I've found him and we've established a relationship before the lockdown. And I'm very pleased to say I'm not pregnant which was the last time I was posting on this thread. My period was over a week late after unprotected sex 🙈 and I was off work ill, terrified it was pregnancy symptoms!

@Eesha what’s Fab? There’s nothing coming up in App Store