Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Has anyone else had old iron re emerge since the lockdown? Yesterday my phone didn’t stop, several people I hadn’t spoken too for a while go in touch.

I guy I dated almost 2 years ago contacted me, I really liked him but he lived on the other side of the country (came down here for work). He told me that he had lost his daughter last year to a rare condition, she was only 4/5 years old . We might meet up in the summer if he’s down this way.

Mr Ski is still plotting ways for me to see him, he doesn’t seem to get that we are in lockdown and he’s not very good at waiting. I won’t be seeing him how ever much he wants me too. I understand that he’s in lockdown alone but he’s half way through renovating his house so has plenty to keep him busy.

Happy Anniversary @BatshitCrazyWoman!

@Meeeh It's really hard isn't it. My kids are still seeing their dad as he has been working from home and not seeing anyone else, as I have. If he was still going to work then they wouldn't see him. My brother is a teacher and because he is coming into contact with other people, he isn't even seeing his own son. It's crap but we have to do this so it can be over quicker.

My bf was with us when lockdown was announced so he had to stay. Not what we planned and neither of us wanted to live together now or potentially ever but we're getting by. I am missing my own space,as is he but at least we get to see each other. This could go on for along time though!

Happy anniversary bats

It is really hard meeeh and I've struggled with the sense of the rules in terms of what difference does it make if we lived together or not. But I'm accepting we have to minimise the spread. I'm jealous of sunshine right now but my kids wouldn't tolerate him moving in. And obvs they come first.

Yesterday's press conference suggested I shouldn't be shopping which has thrown me into a bit of panic so Mr B has agreed to do my shopping. So we will see each other from a distance. Almost wondering if that will be harder as the human reaction will be to want to reach out.

Also sorry you can't see your son bats. Why can't you see your DDs tiger?

Why shouldn't you be shopping @Notcoolmum?

Yes, I know I am in an enviable position compared to some who can't see their partners and I am fortunate in that my kids had already met Mr Ad and they like him. I have explained to them that this is just while lock down is on and he will be going home after. I also explained to my ex h as he still pays half the mortgage here so didn't want to look like I was taking the piss. Fortunately he was great about it and said it's good I've got someone here.

I floated the idea with my kids and my son said he'd move out. So that's a no! I have asthma. Not quite severe enough to be shielded but actually worse than I thought by the list of medications for shielding. There was a specific question yesterday after the press conference about this and the drs response was that the daily exercise was ok but we shouldn't really be shopping. 😑

Some people with high risk pre existing conditions can't really leave the house, which means that really no one in the household can go out. Not even for shopping.

My stbxH didn't stop seeing clients and working as normal until last Monday. That means I can't take the DC to him for another 8 days. It sucks, but I'm high risk and can't afford to get ill.

@Notcoolmum could you share a link? I didn't see the press conference and I'm borderline for shielding. I was wondering if daily exercise was still ok or not, and so far I've been avoiding it because I live in a city so it's very hard to avoid people.

@JaggySplinter it will be on iPlayer. It was just after the main press conference with Jenny Harris yesterday afternoon.

One DD is in London with her bf, the other is in Manchester with hers. We Houseparty etc and we’ve just had a fab holiday all together, so a few weeks apart is fine. It’s the idea of six months that’s freaked me out, but I think I’ve misread what she was saying?

I think another real danger is that in 9-12 months time I shall be presented with grandchildren as the DDs don’t have a lot to do except shag their lovely bfs!

I heard something about a condom shortage?!

As long as I can get my pill...although living with my two kids is contraception enough. We were 'getting frisky' in bed last night and mt DS knocks on my door saying he can't sleep! He's 12 and never does this!!

I get my pill online thru Superdrug have to pay a little but I could never get in docs for it anyway

Hi, I'm new to Mumsnet and this Thread (but have read the rules!).

I was single for a long time and met someone - Y - in January. We saw each other 5 times (incl an amazing weekend in the country before lockdown started) and really clicked - emotionally, intellectually and physically. Since lockdown we have been messaging every day.

He spent 14 days self-isolating and now lives with his elderly and very vulnerable parent. I share a household some 50 miles away with my DD (15) and a lodger; none of us is vulnerable and we all volunteer, shop for neighbours etc.

Y and I contemplate if / how we could see each other if lockdown continues much longer. I obviously can't visit him, but he suggested visiting (or meeting in a third place) for a few days and then self-isolate again for 14 days before moving back to his mum (who has other carers). I miss him very much but of course the last thing I want to do is endanger his mum. What shall we do?

Congrats @BatshitCrazyWoman, not how any of us would like to be spending our special days at the moment, but I'm sure you'll make the best of it.

It probably won't surprise any of you to know that the split lasted less than a day . It appears that the "I'm not in love" thing is much more wrapped up in his grief at losing his mum than the unrequited love from many moons ago so that gives me a bit of comfort. We're chatting and messaging, but not as frequently. We're both skirting around the elephant in the room - well I am - he's doing his usual thing of pretending it doesn't exist. I don't have any real expectations of whether things will be different when we eventually see each other (not seen each other for 2 weeks now) which is hard after a year of 3 nights a week and weekends together, but these are very strange times for us all and we're not the only ones who are having to make the best of a bad situation.

I've received some great support/arse kicking/hand holding off the board - you know who you are

@TIF2 I wouldn't do it - people trying to get around the rules and justify it because of their own special circumstances is what is going to spread this thing and keep us in lock down even longer. If you have Face Time/phone calls/messaging you'll get through it and appreciate each other all the more when you can eventually be together.

Remember - the virus doesn't move, we move the virus.

@TIF2, I think many ( some) of us on here are wrangling with the same questions. Our needs lead us to want to find a way through this keeping our relationships afloat whilst realising we are in a unique and deeply testing time. I don't feel I can say to you that it's okay one way or another. I do feel though that if most of us try to adhere to the restrictions we may come through this quicker than if we bend the rules. We're all feeling a sense of fear, frustration and uncertainty. I would hold onto the fact that Y seems keen to continue with the relationship. I too have been tempted to find some sort of way to limit the damage by going to see someone but how would I live with myself if my actions lead to me or worse still my DDs getting it.

Jane I do the same as I can’t be bothered to go to the gp, I’m due a review as I’m on my 3rd months of a new pill but I will just order them online if I can.

• just to add that the fear of something happening to me is not out of concern for myself but for my DDs who have already lost their DF and DGPs to illness.

I really do not think it’s worth trying to get around the rules to see bf and gf. We simply have to cope. I have friends who are doc and nurses who won’t see their own kids for months as they don’t want to bring the virus home. The 14 day rule only applies if you get symptoms, not enough is known about to to use this if you don’t have symptoms. Like @Sunshineandflipflops my dd will go to her dads once he properly self isolates. If you had no kids and your bf/gf didn’t and no one else lived with you then technically You could risk it as you aren’t going near anyone else . I am not going out at all as I am thinking maybe the next stage or in a month or so we would be allowed to go to family or partners if they have stayed in also

@TIF2 it's really important that you don't try to see someone outside your household. It's a huge risk for speeding up the spread of the infection again. Just stay home.

@TIF2 to be blunt this man wants to leave his elderly mother for more than 2 weeks to meet up with someone he’s met 5 times. That to me does not seem right . Our own parents and children should be our upmost priority

@TIF2 I know this sounds harsh but the rules are there for a reason, would he be happy never seeing his elderly parents again? Would you risk your daughters health for someone you have seen five times?

I know it’s a shit situation, and I now I’m lucky that my boyfriend is here, but we all need to behave.

I have type one diabetes and no spleen, I’m luckily not reliant on antibiotics so I’m not in the shield category. But we are all still following social distancing to the T.

Eesha my potential FWB has said that he still wants to see me once this is over. But everything is so uncertain right now.

I'm chatting to a couple of irons on Badoo. Just because I'm bored. And one has suggested meeting. But again, it's just words because no one can make any plans.

Notcoolmum I've just done a supermarket shop and I found it quite scary. It was difficult to stay 2m away from people and you've no idea who's handled stuff before you.
If you can stay away then it's probably a good idea.

TIF2 Welcome to the thread. I have to agree with the others, it's not worth the risk.

JeSuisPrest good news! I hope you can both have a proper conversation about it when this is over. You two sound so good together, I hope you can make it work

@EchoElephant my fwb is just very casual and just thinks we will go back to normal when it's all over. Whereas I think I just want him/someone to actively say they miss me.

Weirdly had this great click with an iron on Friday, chatted for ages, today chatted a bit and he made a joke, said bye bye and unmatched me. My suspicion is married but why are people so odd!

I am also debating either getting 3 independent deliveries or venture out with my toddlers to the supermarket. People still seem to be shopping a lot. I worry if I get anything, there won't be anyone who can easily look after my kids! Am I being mad to even consider it?

Not feeling as down or as lonely today. It's rediculous how a good morning cutie text can brighten up your day. Gave myself a manicure this morning and currently dying my eyebrows. Then off for my hours walk before my cycle this evening (exercise bike so not going anywhere)

Some supermarkets are doing a good job of policing the social distancing and some aren't. My local Asda is doing a good job with queues and arrows on the floor etc. Aldi aren't as they seem to lock the doors then when the store half full they let everyone in the queue in so the store gets packed. It might just be my local one though.

@Eesha I went to Sainsburys. It wasn't too busy at 11am. Just everyone seems to be in the same aisle looking at the last packet of pasta.
There were mums there with small children. But I know some supermarkets are only letting one adult go in.

I know what you mean about wanting someone to miss you. Today was the first time I'd spoken to anyone in 3 days. All my friends are busy with their families, so I feel a bit forgotten.