Dating Thread 187 - Love in the Time of Corona

[JeSuisPrest]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

@BatshitCrazyWoman hail/snow here!

@Dancerinthemoonlight you sound incredible. All that stuff you can do. I'm so envious if anyone musical or creative as I'm neither.

I'm having a nightmare with my older daughter who just kicked and punched me. Think we're going to split kids between us and swap over which means no more child free time at all. Doesn't matter really. I fancied a FaceTime chat with a couple of people though as not been able to do that yet and won't ge able to with kids here. I mean friends.

@Dancerinthemoonlight I can't sit around doing nothing either. I struggle to watch tv. It's hard doing nothing.

I have been crocheting while watching TV to give myself something to do but I can only do that for a limited amount of time before my wrist starts to ache.

I just wanted to say thank you all for being so kind and understanding this afternoon after me getting frustrated this morning.

We will make it through to the otherside. All I can do is hope that he will want to see me when this is all over. Think that's all we have at the moment is hope that things will get back to normal when this is done and things with irons will carry on as they were before.

Dancer I would say there is nothing to be concerned about in his message, he's just saying he can't wait for some form of normality to return (whatever that will look like 🤷‍♂️). But like I said before, it's so easy at this time to over analyse every single word and misinterpret things.
Like others have said, this is a safe place to share even if you just get somebody telling you not to be daft and all sounds fine 😉
Also slightly in awe of all your talents!

It is so easy to overanalyze every little thing.
I have always been a very crafty person. I naturally gravitate to crafty and expressive things.

Other things I'm looking forward to doing is hopefully going surfing in Cornwall in September - this should hopefully be all over by then and fingers crossed my wrist is up for it. Also going horse riding as I got some lessons bought for me for Christmas from my mum and I haven't been horse riding in years.

I’m a bit out of touch but as you like to share quality time, can you do any volunteering dsncer eg talking with people on their own at an appropriate distance? My DF is 85 and lives in a small village miles from me. I encourage him to take a turn around his garden twice a day to keep him mobile, but he would love to see a friendly face and talk to them while he staggers along. So long as they keep their distance i think that’s allowed?

It's something to certainly think about and look into.

Don’t know if I’m being a covidiot here but I’m trying to manage and balance a lot of things:

1. with bf for three years. He is a keyworker but not frontline and with limited contact with people in general.He stays here a few times a week. I stay at his weekends when kids away. Kids love him.
2. ex has kids every second weekend and half of holidays. He is a high risk frontline keyworker.

Directive is you should not mix households and also that kids should still see their other parent but frankly my bf is mire part of my kids’ lives than their dad. We are carrying on as usual until after Easter for everyone’s mental health, including mine and managing my hardcore anxiety issues.

Am I wrong?

Personally I wouldn't be doing it. I'm following the advice of not mixing households and choosing one place to live. I don't think life should feel like normal or carry on as normal at the moment.
The front line is under a lot of stress and 20,000 members of the army are on a high readiness alert which means they get 24 hours notice that they have to step in.
I get the mental health and anxiety issues because I'm struggling with feeling lonely and massively overthinking things but the more everyone sticks to what is set out the quicker this will hopefully be over with and hopefully with less lives lost.
I think you and your bf need to make a decision. Either to move in together until this is over or to not see each other until it is over.
I know that's probably what you don't want to hear

No don’t mix households unless both are socially distancing/ staying in. My ex was in work and dd in school 9 days ago and none of us have been out. When we get to 14 she can move between houses x

Current advice @Meeeh is that you move in together so are one household.

It’s not as simple as just moving in together is it?! That suggestion was provided flippantly and with no consideration for the fact that many modern relationships and families are multi home.

For starters, his kids are with him half the week. They live in a different town hence him normally stopping a few nights at mine when he hasn’t got his kids. Plus try to find a removal company these days...
Also, if we are looking at minimising risk - oooh don’t mix households - why are we not isolating keyworkers from their families? Why do my kids HAVE to go stay at their dad’s like everything is normal, despite him being high risk of infection?
If it’s so important that they see their dad every second weekend then why are they not allowed to see their step dad for what could turn into 2-3 months?

I can accept this is a valid arrangement but for a few weeks. But what if we carry on with social distancing until after Easter, then that becomes total lockdown from after April and then social distance again into autumn?
On the other hand I can also see this becoming a massive excuse for some parents to not see their kids as much.

I know this isn't what you want to hear. If you can't move in together then don't see him until it is all over.
The government can't legally say that children who have separated parents can't see one of them.
Lots of key workers are isolating away from loved ones. Everyone is having a difficult time of not being able to see people they were dating or in relationships with. However I know it's for the best, you can have such mild symptoms and pass it on to someone who could have far worse symptoms than you.
This will last longer if people don't follow the rules and socially isolate/distance themselves from each other. Everyone needs to work together to stop the spread and then things will get back to normal.
They don't put the army of a 24 notice for nothing. That's how serious it is. I'd love to be seeing Mr Army right now but it's for the best that I don't. Imagine if I had it but didn't know and passed it to him. It would spread through like wildfire. I'm sure many many couples wish they could be together but are having to be apart.
It's not meant to feel like normality at the moment. The lockdown will be lifted stage by stage once the numbers significantly fall which yes could take weeks but if everyone stayed in and distanced themselves they would fall faster.

Me & my boyfriend have been together over 3 years but will not see each other till lockdown is done . He has children he has to see ... I have a child to . The bottom Line is unless u live together u cannot move between houses .. it's unsafe and u are putting other people's lives in danger . I personally could not live with that ... yes I really miss my guy but this is the only way so we all stay safe .

Mr BC and I met a year ago today 😍 This isn't how we planned to spend our anniversary!

I've been reading a lot, and cleaning and decluttering. I don't watch much more than an hour of TV at a time as I'm not good at sitting still! I am WFH so really only have an 'extra' 2 hours a day during the week as I'm not commuting. So I've been working out more. Weekends are harder 😕

@Meeeh It’s really important that everyone follows the rules to keep the public healthy and to reduce pressure on the NHS. You really don’t need a removals company to move clothing and a few bits to another house. My boyfriend has moved in with us, he just filled a suitcase with some clothes, brought vital documents and his switch. Everything else is non vital so it can wait.

@BatshitCrazyWoman
Happy Anniversary

I feel the same as you, I dont have much spare time in the week because I'm still working from home, the plus side is that I dont have time to watch TV or read much about the current situation.

Happy anniversary batshit 💐

I’m missing Mr GN of course but to be honest it’s the thought of not seeing my two younger DDs for up to six months that’s tearing my heart out 😢

Meeeh I think you have two choices. Either he moves in with you and doesn't see his kids. Or you don't see him for as long as this lockdown goes on.
There's too many variables in your situation - children, his ex, his job - lots of potential of passing the virus between households.

BatshitCrazyWoman happy anniversary. How has a year gone past so quickly??

@BatshitCrazyWoman
Happy Anniversary!!!! Hope you are planning a great celebration!

@TigerDater I can't see my adult DC either - eldest is in supported living and being shielded

@BatshitCrazyWoman
Congratulations ! Hope you get to celebrate properly IRL soon x!

I never thought I'd say I wish my exhusband was on mumsnet. But I do, so he could read these 1st hand testimony and sensible explanations because he can't see that having his girlfriend to stay when her kids are at their dad's which every other week coincides with his every week having our son, is putting so many people at risk. He would love it if I stepped in and was the responsible adult and said son's not coming to yours until after this because you can't follow government advice. It would feed his narrative of me being the abusive controlling ex, despite him having the arrests for dv. Anyway, dating wise for me, just keeping my iron contact up over WhatsApp and dreaming of hotel rooms...

How are people managing irons they haven't met yet? This lockdown looks like it will go on for a long time now. I have two but very little contact at all so not sure I can be bothered. Lost interest in FWB too as we haven't seen each other in almost 2 months and he doesn't seem that fussed, just says he is 'adapting' to the situation. Everything seems quite blah.

Thank you all - I appreciate the honest and kind feedback. I’m struggling as you can tell. My parents marriage was strained as he was military and posted abroad and this past month has raised a lot of old demons around my divorce, single parenthood, unemployment and finances.

I’m a mess.